Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

Yes it is too old IMO for the child's sake.

If I was in your shoes I would just see what happens. Give it until Christmas, if it happens, fantastic but it is unlikely. I don’t think you’re too old. I’m the same age and could do it again. I don’t feel old.

One of my friends was 46 when she had her one child - she is a lovely mother. Couple got together young but took a long time to decide they wanted kids - by which time there were infertility issues and it took her 3 rounds of IVF. But it happened and her boy is lovely. If you want children I'd at the minimum give yourself the chance to have them naturally (ie stop contraception) - your likelihood is low at this age of natural conception but not completely impossible - and then if it doesn't happen think about other options e.g. IVF. There are also the choices of adopting, egg donation, etc as well.

I genuinely think there’s so much happiness in life to be gained from not having kids as well as having kids. They’re not the be all and end all.. it’s stressful, tiring, expensive and it never ends… Teens and young adults can be a really worrying time…and at that stage you will be in your late sixties/ early seventies.

I have friends who’ve remained childless whose lives are packed with joy and purpose and hobbies!! Don’t feel it’s something you have to do just because you’re in a good relationship.

Hope you find the right decision for you x

Even if you could, it doesn't mean you should x

Go for it girl 💕

your only as old as you feel.

It's too old. I'm 45 and have accepted that, sad as it may be, the ship has sailed.

There are so many factors to be take into consideration.
I can bring MY experience of having a child late. I was just a couple of year younger than you are now when he was born. It's been wonderful, and we still enjoy every second of it.
But:

• we are a very stable couple, who have wanted a child for a very long time and battled infertility. We support each other.
• we have good careers and incomes, a big house in a nice area.
• we are fit and well. I exercise four times per week, I am not taking any medication and, now in my early fifties, I genuinely don't feel any less energetic then when I was much younger.
• the early years were difficult, the sleepless nights exhausting, but I genuinely don't believe they would have been easier if I was younger. For context: I went back to work (in a senior position in a corporate role) when DS was 8 months, I breastfed until he was 15 months and we have no family support.
• where I live there are lots (and I mean LOTS) of older parents. in my DS's class at least 10 children have parents our age. only one child has parents who are in their twenties.

I say go for it. Be prepared for it not being possible and then what your options are. My friend got pregnant at 46 but used donor egg. That could be option for you. Her and DC are absolutely thriving 3 years later

44 is fine to have a baby, but 57-58 is quite old to be dealing with the hardest part of teenagers, and 61 is old to start on the ferris wheel of late teens. We found Y13 really hectic for DC and for us too. Weekends taken up with long drives to uni visits, work experience, uni applications and extra exams for some subjects alongside A levels, coursework, learner driver practice, picking them up late from the pub, all the stress of transitioning from school to college to uni. When they go to uni, transporting them and visiting can mean a lot of hours driving when you're tired enough from working FT to pay the parental contribution towards their living expenses (£200ish a week some places). This probably sounds daft because an 18 year old is obviously much more independent than a baby, but I didn't see this coming either and we are finding it very tough.

Do it and be happy.

I don't think there's an easy answer. You'd need to think carefully about your health, whether you're willing to try IVF, how strong your support network is (mainly in case your health declines before they are adults), and how strong your relationship is.

But it's not all negative. If you did manage to have a baby, you're likely to be far more financially comfortable than you were in your 20's, you have life experience behind you, and your child would be loved which is the most important thing.

I had mine at 35 and 37, I'm now 54. If I'd had them 10 years later I think I could have coped ok with the early years in my 40s. However, I'd have massively underestimated the input they have turned out to need in their teens (DD has ASD and mental health problems) and I'm finding that hard enough now, let alone in my 60s.

It might be fine if you're lucky enough to have a completely healthy child, but please do consider the less than optimal possibilities too before you go ahead. As an older parent your child would be more at risk of many health issues, so you need to be sure you could support them.

46 is too old.

I think yes too old

My sister and brother in law had a child at 45. They are now almost 60 with a child with high needs autism. They obviously adore our niece but they are worn and and exhausted. Throw in some age related health issues and they are close to burn out. My niece is very unlikely to be able to live fully independently.

She is the youngest of 8 children (sil and bil.met later in life) who were all late teens/early 20's when they met. I often think they should could be retired and relaxing now.

You will always have success stories of late parenthood but would you truly be able to cope (individually and as a couple) long term if the worst was to happen and you ended up a child with high needs?

There's a clinical psychologist who has a YouTube channel called Emma Kenny. She had a baby at 50 and is now pregnant with another one at 51 almost 52. They had IVF and tried for years. Also, David Mitchell's wife had two kids when she was the same sort of age. I would get some eggs frozen to be on the safe side and go for it! Good luck 👣

I was raised by my GP, everyone thought they were my parent and tbh, I didn't care! Never embarrassed, I used to call them mum and dad. They were well into their 70s by the time I left primary. Best parents i could have asked for.

If nature or IVF allows, I say go for it xx

Yes.

I have my second child (1) now at 36 and had my first at 30. We decided that if we didn't conceive when we were 35 and 37, then we'd call it a day as we didn't want to be old parents and unable to support our kids as they grew up.

Sleepless nights and looking after young children is HARD work physically and mentally. Your relationship and finances take a beating. My daughter hasn't slept longer than 3 hours in her whole life, I'm always tired! Pregnancy wasn't kind to me, having very severe sickness aged me almost overnight.

IMO, this ship has sailed. I'd enjoy holidays and the simple luxuries with your partner. My mum had me when she was 20 and is now going on days out, holidays and cruises with her DH every month. They are livin' it up! You can too!

well if you are still fertile then, then why not? If your body is able to get pregnant then nature is saying that it’s ok

just not a fan of using IVF at that age personally.

but if you have the resources and time and energy, why not?

I’d love to have another and I’m about that age but now I’ve got teens it wouldn’t be right and we’ve moved on to the next stage of life. But if you haven’t got children already then I’d say give it a go and see what happens.

Women have perfectly healthy babies in their forties. In fact I know a few who have. Autism tends to be genetic and from my experience children who are born with it have a genetic link on both sides. Other conditions can be tested for.

Just try. If it happens it happens. I wouldn’t be going down IVF route but that’s ur own choice. Good luck

So your child would 20 when you are nearly 70? No that does not sound fair on the child

Its not really about being too old for a baby, its more about the consequences to the fetus of older conception and then birth. could you cope with a child that had disabilities? What about your own health? pregnancy places a massive strain on your body. i had my last at 40 and the last couple of months were just horrible. sorry but I would say no dont go there. consider fostering or adoption would be my best advice.

My friend had a baby at 48. She's fit and healthy and doesn't look her age. Personally I couldn't do it at 48 BUT sometimes if you don't meet the right person until you're older I think it's better than having children with a completely unsuitable person at an earlier age.