Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

My friend was 46 when their youngest was born; they are 60 now.
All good. If anything it's kept them young.

DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER!

Good luck and I wish I'd been brave enough to do what you are contemplating.

@Thebirdsangwhat are you leaning towards doing?

Also, no guarantee you'll stay with your partner. We all want babies in the first few months of love or infatuation. Think about the possibility of being a single mother if this happens -even more, the very high risk of chromosome defects, autism, etc etc. It's very reckless, and cruel for the child.

I would be very interested to see the ages of those commenting on here who say it is too old. I find a lot of younger women think we all become withered fragile sexless crones after 40. I'm 71, with an active lifestyle, (one of my hobbies is riding a large motorbike!) an excellent sex life, and plenty of energy to deal with my grandsons. If you're fit and well and really want a family, go for it. Wouldn't hurt for both of you to have a full health/fertility screening first.

I’m 46 and childless and think it’s objectively too old to plan for a pregnancy at this age. But I don’t have strong views on anyone else doing it.

I have a stronger 🙄 response the ‘pregnancy over 25 is cruel and traumatic’ types though.

why do people start a thread. Esp of a topic with huge varying opinions and don’t reply back @Thebirdsang after 500 replies

or is it computer generated

hi, it's not too old but it's essential register as soon as you can for donor eggs. You can try naturally while you're going through the process of getting a donor at a clinic, but realistically you'll need a donor. Then you have excellent chances of a very healthy pregnancy and baby. I'm 52 with a 4 year old, conceived with an egg donor (and an older child). I don't think the negative comments about menopause expressed above should hold you back, nor other other negative comments about aging. Menopause hasn't stopped me being a super-active mum - we swim, camp, bike, do tons of energetic stuff. A low dose of HRT and basic vitamins help, plus having a partner who will genuinely do their fair share and work that's flexible (ideally). In terms of children being ashamed of having older parents, that's something to challenge - surely you'd challenge your kids for having ageist attitudes, just as you would challenge racism or sexism in your child. If they continue to feel like that - well, that's beyond your control! Go for it and don't let the negative views hold you back!

I didn't. HTH.

Can anyone recommend the best way to get a health/fertility screening? Can you go through the gp or is it best to go private? I’m 35 and have been trying for a year.

GP in that situation

My grandad for 44 when my Mum was born, her mum almost 42. She had a wonderful childhood. Actually some of her friends parents passed in their 40s and 50s. Hers lived until almost 80 and 90. Everyone is different.

I say go for it, if it’s meant to be it will be. The best of luck to you!

What a silly - or alternatively, stupid - thing to say.

The average, let me repeat average, age for a woman to have a first, let me repeat first, child in the UK is 29. If 30 is too old - which it plainly isn't - then the majority of children in the country (when you include second and more children) are born to mothers who are too old in your view.

Of course, amongst less educated women - school leavers at 16, those who don’t go to university, etc - they will tend to have children earlier. But educated women with careers will usually wait until they’re 30’s.

It’s actually gone up to 30.9 in recent years. Interestingly the age specific fertility rate for age 20-24 has dropped by 79% since its peak in 1964 as women in general are leaving it later.

Age at first birth is hugely socially patterned - few educated, middle class women have children in their 20s now. They also tend to have smaller families overall. Obviously there are exceptions - and I know some personally - but there's no denying the overall trend. I was 40, which wasn't unusual in my wider social circle. But a mile down the road from where I live there's a relatively deprived estate - the mums going to school pick up there look a good decade younger than the mums at my child's school.

I’m not here to judge whether it’s too old for you or not. I know a lady who fell pregnant unexpectedly at 51 and her son is now 21 and she in her 70’s going strong and all is fine, but it’s a rare case. I’m 47 in peri with young kids and every day I’ve got a new ache and new symptom, and generally not as I was only 7 years ago, and I’ve got 3 kids and all are neurodivergent and it’s hard work!! so ultimately it’s up to you ,but I couldn’t do in now, with peri and all.

You can’t say that as a fact. Some people are, some aren’t

Why can't I have my own feelings on things? My decisions were made based on what I wanted. My body, my choice. Or is that only when it suits?

Ah well. Looks like I broke the mould, then, seeing as I took my education as far as I could, and ended it with a Doctorate 👍

By the way, it's, "Their".

I’m similar age as OP and have teenagers.
I periodically think about what would happen if I had an unplanned pregnancy - would I go through with it?

I think up until 2 or 3 years ago I would have said definitely yes, not ideal but we will make it work.
But now I think it would probably be a no. I think everyone in the family would have to sacrifice too much to make it work.
I think it would put a strain on my health, I just can’t imagine starting at the beginning at this stage of life.

Wow, you sure showed her.

If you indeed have a doctorate (and not one you ordered online) I would hope it included conclusions, supported by evidence and research, and it was not a doctorate in your “feelings”. Feelings are just that, feelings. You’re perfectly entitled to have them, and the rest of us are perfectly entitled to ignore them.

What evidence do you have (if any) that being over 30 is too old to have children?

What aren't you understanding about this? It's not rocket science, so I'm not sure why you're finding it so hard to grasp.

I don't need evidence for my personal opinions. I wanted children by 25, for many reasons, some of which I've given, some I haven't. I felt that for me, in my position, with my body, 30 was too old. Nowhere have I said that it's too old for other people.

I hope that helps you understand. Though judging by your other comments, probably not.

If someone is going to imply that I'm uneducated, then they could at least get Year 2 level grammar correct. Turns out they were wrong about both things.

In your situation and needing fertility treatment 24 was the perfect age for you and a valid decision not to want DC over 25, again for you.

You are simply wrong however that this would apply to the majority.

With hindsight 28-30 would have been ideal for me due to issues mentioned above, especially health issues triggered by pregnancy, plus life stages of later childhood and menopause.

Being in good health at the time is also not necessarily indicative of later, I was extremely healthy and fit (triathlete training with iron men level) with no conditions prior to pregnancy, also conceived in the first month.