Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

Go for it. I work in child protection and I would rather have a nice mum who had me at 46 than many of the younger mums I come across.

I hope not. I’m 43 and still desperate to be a mum. Besides, women in their 40s are having more babies than teens for a very long time. Don’t let other people’s opinions concern you.

How long have you been together OP? It’s one thing having a baby at an older age with a stable relationship, it’s another unexpectedly coping alone.
I don’t think you are necessarily too old, but I would recommend having your biological versus chronological age checked. This is what I did as I was mid-later 30s and it gave me massive peace of mind to go ahead and get pregnant.; I was very lucky as all of my markers came back 10 years younger. A consultation with a Harley Street specialist was also valuable as we discussed probabilities of pregnancy, how to reduce miscarriage risk, nutrition, exercise, lifestyle, supplements etc.
I had DC very late 30s and absolutely do not regret it. What I do regret is not getting more physical help as the night times in particular took a huge toll. We are now at University stage, there have never been accusations of us being ‘too old’ and I’m getting fairly fit and healthy again as I have more time.
Later parenthood has definitely changed me for the better and ‘kept me young’. Best decision we ever took as a couple.
We did take massive care in choosing 2 sets of God parents who were willing to take in DC should we both die/become incapacitated and I would absolutely recommend this no matter what age you are. We also kept checking in that this remained the case as the years went by.
Hope you make the right decision for you.

If it’s what you both want, then why not try and see if it happens. Just because some people wouldn’t do it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Good luck 🤞

Hey - wondering what youve decided or still on the fence?
I think fertility is very individual and there are certainly ftms of your age
But risks do increase with age
Have you gotten the ball rolling in any way?

I’m not meaning to sound blunt but don’t view child rearing with rose tinted glasses on. There’s a reason that it’s difficult to get pregnant over 40, Mother Nature knows best, At the very least you need to have bags of energy, endless patience and be able to function efficiently on minimal sleep

Hiya reading your response, im interested in what markers did you have tested and what sort of specialist did you see ? Were both those things done at the same clinic? Asking as I'd like to do the same

OMG 😱 so sorry that happened, you had a lucky escape as clearly he wasn’t Mr nice guy after all. I’m curious to know if you went ahead with the pregnancy and how everything turned out. Hope you are ok.

very late thirties is very different from very late forties

You'll be in your 50s doing the school run. I imagine a lot will assume you are granma! When the child is only about 25 you'll be in your 70s. I dont think thats fair.

My youngest (of 2) is 21 my mother is 75 - shes definitely feeling her age now. The thought of her being a mother to my daughter, eeek. Plus the high probability of problems for you in pregnancy, giving birth and learning difficulties for the child. Too big a risk I think.
I know its not what you want to hear but I think that ship has sailed - Id look into adoption or fostering instead. Both very rewarding and much needed by lots of children.
How wonderful to have found the love of your life now (Im jealous!) Childbirth doesnt seem like the right option to me at 46 but you can do so many other fabulous things and you've got someone to do them with - travelling being an obvious one!

Each to their own of course, but the average age expectancy of a woman now aged 46 is 85, and a 25% chance of reaching 93. If you are not living in a deprived area you could add another 7-8 years onto those figures.

I think living in a deprived area takes 7-8 years off those figures, rather than having a 25% chance of living to 100. Also our life expectancy has mostly plateaued and is in some areas starting to decrease.

My parents, born just before WW2, had me at just 21 and just 22. Their marriage and our family disintegrated, to everyone's immense pain, in the 70s. My father remarried and had a second family. I married at 35 and had one child (no IVF etc) at 43. DF is still alive, though memory-confused, at nearly 92. His second family are now in their 40s. Every experience is going to be different.

No you are are NOT too old but better crack on with it! I had my first at 30 my second at nearly 41 my third at 42 and my fourth at 44.