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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

315 replies

Brentinger · 01/06/2025 21:58

AIBU that it drives me mad that my parents in law have to ask us and call us every single time we travel to make sure if we arrive safely ?

If we give an eta and go over for whatever reasons (traffic, food stop, nappy change etc ) they will call us to check 10 minutes after our eta.

It comes from my MIL being anxious and over involved, which I get - but post kids, this habit is driving me crazy. We travel a decent amount by car and anything over 2 hours away automatically gets us our ETA checked .

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 01/06/2025 21:59

Just add 20 mins every time.

Springadorable · 01/06/2025 21:59

Why do they know your every move?

whistlesandbells · 01/06/2025 22:01

Share less. Really cut back. Also stop answering these calls and if you want then text back a short answer. Polite and neutral.

Misspotterer · 01/06/2025 22:02

YANBU. My mother checks traffic reports for accidents if she knows when/where I'm travelling. I'm in my 50's. It's anxiety. So now I'm very vague and lie quite a lot. It's exhausting, she's exhausting!

overweightteacher · 01/06/2025 22:03

I'd only tell them when travelling to them - the rest of the time they don't need to know your plans?! When travelling to them I'd give myself an extra half an hour - no worries if you arrive early!

RosesAndHellebores · 01/06/2025 22:03

Hmm. I'm 64. When I visit my mother I text as I leave and if there are delays, I let her know. I think it's polite.

I'd do the same with MIL but she couldn't really give a flying and is always late because.

nannyl · 01/06/2025 22:09

YANBU

yesterday my Grandmother asked me if i would text my mum when i was home. (yes it was 250 miles away, but we were having a day out after leaving at 10am, i had a car to unpack, washing to do, and ocado arriving at 10pm)

I literally will not confirm that me and my family are ok, every time we travel, despite being asked / expected too..... after 5 hours in the car i have stuff to do.

I have always said that if there is a problem i will be in touch, but other wise assume im ok living my life and nothing bad has happened.

I will also not be added to the family tracking app group thing where everyone can see where everyone else is!... I dont track my husband or my teens, and i dont need to be tracked either. If i dont let my husband track me (I don't) then i dont belive people who are 5 hours away need to track me... they couldnt help even if there was a problem... (That said my grandmother tracks my uncle and he lives in a different country so they are not useful to track either, unless traveling to her house a couple of times a year).

I will not lie, however i will also not agree to report when im safe at home...

Original poster
Brentinger · 01/06/2025 22:15

I don’t share anything with them, I just get the call or message as the passenger (as I did just this second).

I enjoy traveling so much and find this to be so intrusive - plus with two young kids, we are busy with them or enjoying the rare moments of peace when they nap on the car !

OP posts:
Hollowvoice · 01/06/2025 22:16

"We'll let you know when we're there, probably between 4-5 but depends on traffic"

smartarsey · 01/06/2025 22:16

I am not massively old but I do get quite anxious if my children are driving on dangerous roads and I do ask them to let me know when they are home.
It’s just normal for our family ,and my kids understand that it’s ok for me to need the reassurance.
i have thoughtful children which is great ,and a reflection on me as their Mum.

Hercisback1 · 01/06/2025 22:18

How do they know you are travelling then?

acquiescence · 01/06/2025 22:20

It sounds really annoying. You need to share less or care less.
The anxiety that they are feeling is likely to be far greater than the annoyance that you are. If you wish to continue to share details of journeys, it might be helpful to consider it from an anxiety driven perspective, which is just a horrible way to feel.

randoname · 01/06/2025 22:20

whistlesandbells · 01/06/2025 22:01

Share less. Really cut back. Also stop answering these calls and if you want then text back a short answer. Polite and neutral.

Or do the opposite and share location and make a habit of texting en route and as you get home.

Notquitegrownup2 · 01/06/2025 22:21

I share your frustration. However I've trained myself to phone from the car as I'm nearly home. I always forget once I'm through the door at home, but it only takes 1 minute from the car.

Genevieva · 01/06/2025 22:22

My mother does this. My husband teases her about it, which has helped. Can you give a good humoured response.

Rtato · 01/06/2025 22:22

just share your location on WhatsApp if you don’t want to take the call. Then they can see where you are for as long as you allow it on for. You can limit it to whatever time you like (an hour for example). I do this with my parents as they like to put the kettle on and get food ready etc for when we arrive. They just like being prepared and it’s just a click on my phone for me, so an easy win - they’re happy and I don’t have to do anything really.

Sorry, edited to say this applies when you are travelling to them. I didn’t realise it’s when you’re travelling anywhere. Why do you tell them where you are going all the time?!!

SailingWonder · 01/06/2025 22:24

smartarsey · 01/06/2025 22:16

I am not massively old but I do get quite anxious if my children are driving on dangerous roads and I do ask them to let me know when they are home.
It’s just normal for our family ,and my kids understand that it’s ok for me to need the reassurance.
i have thoughtful children which is great ,and a reflection on me as their Mum.

Edited

I would be interested to know what you would class as a dangerous road?

Cherrysherbet · 01/06/2025 22:25

My mum used to be like this. I found it irritating at times.
I lost her last year……now nobody cares if we arrive safely or not.

ChocolateGanache · 01/06/2025 22:25

smartarsey · 01/06/2025 22:16

I am not massively old but I do get quite anxious if my children are driving on dangerous roads and I do ask them to let me know when they are home.
It’s just normal for our family ,and my kids understand that it’s ok for me to need the reassurance.
i have thoughtful children which is great ,and a reflection on me as their Mum.

Edited

I always text my mum it she is waiting to hear I’m safe. Me and my friends do the same.
i ask my kids to text me. They often forget. I track them. They don’t mind.

ChocolateGanache · 01/06/2025 22:26

Cherrysherbet · 01/06/2025 22:25

My mum used to be like this. I found it irritating at times.
I lost her last year……now nobody cares if we arrive safely or not.

Sorry for your loss 💛

TheNaiceGreenViper · 01/06/2025 22:26

IMO you sound utterly ungrateful. Would you rather PIL who don't give 2 hoots about your wellbeing? If you got into an accident they might be your only hope.

MummytoE · 01/06/2025 22:28

Would you feel the same if it were your parents?

IKnowAristotle · 01/06/2025 22:29

My mum is like this but less so these days as if she asks me to call her or text her to let her know I'm safe I say no.

MummytoE · 01/06/2025 22:29

Cherrysherbet · 01/06/2025 22:25

My mum used to be like this. I found it irritating at times.
I lost her last year……now nobody cares if we arrive safely or not.

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

KnittyNell · 01/06/2025 22:33

IKnowAristotle · 01/06/2025 22:29

My mum is like this but less so these days as if she asks me to call her or text her to let her know I'm safe I say no.

Why can’t you just put her mind at rest?
It sounds very mean.