Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

[Brentinger]

AIBU that it drives me mad that my parents in law have to ask us and call us every single time we travel to make sure if we arrive safely ?

If we give an eta and go over for whatever reasons (traffic, food stop, nappy change etc ) they will call us to check 10 minutes after our eta.

It comes from my MIL being anxious and over involved, which I get - but post kids, this habit is driving me crazy. We travel a decent amount by car and anything over 2 hours away automatically gets us our ETA checked .

YABU They clearly care. My parents always check we get home safely after we've driven back from theirs (long distance). They will send a WhatsApp if they haven't heard from me yet. I think it's nice to let someone know you've got home safely after you've driven a long distance. So many accidents on the motorways, it's natural for family to worry.

One day your children will be riding motorbikes or travelling in cars with other teens where they , or someone equally young is driving. One day your children may have children of their own and drive long distances. Then you will understand. We have a family chat on watts app( my mum, me, my husband, my 2 children, 2 DILs, my 2 brothers and their wives). It takes seconds to type 'safely arrived. Wouldn't occur to me not to.

Stop telling them when you go anywhere.
If you are travelling back from their house, just tell them you will text them the next day, when you have more time, and refuse to deviate from that.
Switch your phone off for a few hours!

My mum died at the beginning of May. When I arrived home after being at her funeral it was really odd not calling her.

I called my brother.

I totally understand, I'd find it suffocating. Just refuse, why the obsession with bad stuff happening?

It’s the curse of the mobile phone. For older people, who get more anxious, the mobile is another avenue to feed their anxiety with tracking / texts etc.

I'm like your MiL. After a tragic event close to us I like to be reassured my family have completed their journeys safely. I don't chase them. I don't need to as they're really great about messaging me. No doubt they'd prefer I wasn't anxious, for my sake, but they don't want me to worry.

Oh dear. I ssk my friends to let me know they are home safe. She only lives 9 minutes away. I don't think she minds but will now chat to her about it. It never occurred to me that people would find this annoying.

I used to always let my Mum know I was safely home after visiting her, I live a few hours away. When I got home from her funeral and didn't need to make that call/send that message it hit me that no-one would worry, love and care for me in the same way ever again.

This would drive me nuts, i assume it's your husband telling them? Can you block notifications if they call you for a couple weeks so they either stop or start to pester him instead so that he considers telling them less detailed information about travel plans

My children are adults. When something good happened they would ring me and I'd say " make sure to text your grandad". He was so proud of them and loved the very bones of them. He's been gone for 8 years and it still catches me sometimes that they can never do that again. Texting people who love you is so simple and so small. But it's huge to them and , once they're gone, it's too late.

i refuse. Stopped years ago, the police will be round if anything happens, other than that quit worrying. Sorry but it’s life and I’m not doing it.

It’s the curse of the mobile phone.

It used to be 'three rings' on the landline - dial the number, let it ring three times, and the person on the other end would know you had arrived home.

It doesn't hurt to send a text 'just got home' as you're turning into your street, does it? You can have it all ready to go and just hit 'send' as you get there.

Because it feeds the monster.

Such cold, nasty responses on this thread . Not one of you , especially if you are the passenger, is too busy to text 'home x'.Not bloody one single one of you is too busy for that.

I'm trying really hard to think of a scenario where an elderly (?) couple, possibly hours away, could assist in the event of an RTA, more than the police or paramedics or even general members of the public in the immediate vicinity.

In my family it’s just an expression of love, we always make a quick call or WhatsApp when we get in to say we are home safely.
It will be sad when there is no one around to call, or care either way.

Again, how do they know you’re even travelling - your OP reads like they do this even if you’re not travelling to/from them? Just don’t share your every move with them.

I don’t mind texting that I’m home but the more someone reminds me to, the less likely I would be to do it 😁

We have quite a few roads in the vicinity of where we live that unfortunately are quite dangerousand the road that my daughter drives along with her children have many car accidents. Deer are the biggest problem for road users in our area .

I share my location and call an ETA and if I’m delayed. But I have a friend who was killed in a traffic accident so it feels different. So does ‘drive safely’.

Don't tell her when you're traveling until you get back. Or mute her while you're away so you don't see her messages.

It isn't about the time. It's about the insidious way such checking up push the caller's anxiety right into the middle of your holiday.

My FIL, always texts us to say, arrived safely. I always think, yes I expect you would have done. I naturally assume the best, not the worst so tend not to have anxious thoughts. I find it strange and I’d never remember without setting an alarm. I’m not joining in and if that makes me horrible, so be it.

BTW My husband is participating in the IOW yacht race and I will hope to hear from him when he is back safely . It’s just normal for many families to care about their loved ones 🤷‍♀️

It takes seconds to text ‘home safely’ and it’s kind to the person who might be feeling anxious about the travel. My boys text me, without my asking, things like ‘home’, ‘arrived’ or ‘god that was a terrible journey need a sleep now’. I’m not anxious, and I don’t chase them to do it but I love that they do. When your children start driving you might be glad to know they arrived wherever safely.