Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

[Brentinger]

AIBU that it drives me mad that my parents in law have to ask us and call us every single time we travel to make sure if we arrive safely ?

If we give an eta and go over for whatever reasons (traffic, food stop, nappy change etc ) they will call us to check 10 minutes after our eta.

It comes from my MIL being anxious and over involved, which I get - but post kids, this habit is driving me crazy. We travel a decent amount by car and anything over 2 hours away automatically gets us our ETA checked .

Framing this as ‘anxiety’ is where the issue is com8ng from. I like it when I get a message from DD to say she’s got to the end of a long journey, but I’m not anxious while she’s on the road/in the air. Often the message comes and I think ‘oh yes, it’s about the right time for that’ because I hadn’t given it another thought. It’s just a nice thing to do.
OP’s MiL phoning if they are later than expected by a small amount is OTT though.

Not everything in life has to be logical. Sometimes it can be a little act of irrational care.

This texting after travelling is just so illogical. I always refuse to take part.

Why would you not want to reassure your loved ones? Only takes a moment. Isn't that rather unkind?

It’s not cold and nasty. It’s just not something it would ever occur to me or my family to do. We’re all adults and don’t worry about travelling. Like OP, I would find it strange and irritating if someone was constantly asking me to text my whereabouts. If it’s something your family does, fine. But it’s not something my family does so that IS fine too.

My dad was worrying when we were travelling, not a big deal for me to send a quick text when arrived to say we've arrived safely, call you later

Don’t answer them. It’s this simple. Can’t control their behaviour but you can control your own.

Nope their irrational anxiety is not my issue, it’s theirs to manage.

What a bloody heartless attitude. One day you will be asking your children to tell them you are home safely and i hope they treat you with the same contempt you treat your family.
It takes seconds to send a text or call. I have travelled through 4 countries on journey of hundreds of miles with 3 children and still managed to call and say we are home safely so yes, you do have the time you just have a cold heart.

If nobody wants it, yes, that’s fine. It’s pretty cold to say you refuse to do it when others do like it.

It’s not ‘irrational anxiety’ it’s care.

Worrying that something terrible has happened because people are 10 mins late IS irrational anxiety.

That would be so annoying. Definitely stop answering.

Leave it to DH every time, he will find it annoying once you stop being available for at least half of the calls/texts as he will then get it all the time.

I have an aunt who uses this as a control tactic on her sons, it’s painful to see and just makes me grateful my own elderly mum is pragmatic and patient.

It’s not caring when you they don’t like it.

To or from my parents I share my journey via Waze.

My step dad particularly likes watching the progress!

I’ll very occasionally do it for other trips, for example I took a private taxi from the airport home at 2am so shared the journey with mum just incase I got kidnapped ( we may both have been slightly paranoid with that one!).

doesn’t feel intrusive to share the journey and I don’t need to remember to say I’m home!

but maybe I’d get annoyed if I was being asked about general journeys!

I don’t find it annoying to put older relatives’ minds at rest with a quick text. What really really annoys me is friends/colleagues texting the day after we’ve been out with “Hope you got home ok last night?”. What you gonna do about it NOW if I didn’t and the axe murderer has already spread my body parts across three counties eh eh??

How long would it take to type ‘Home safe 🥰’?
Some people don’t deserve anyone to care about them.

But why does their want to do it override my want not to do it?

Take off is far more dangerous than landing, in flight updates are more sensible if you are genuinely concerned.

What so this goes beyond the ‘text me when you get home’, this is ANY longer travel? Bloody hell
thank god my DM isn’t like this.

This is def a positive negative world divide.

I just assume all is well with the world unless evidence arises to the contrary. I’m not free of worry and life events, but I just don’t see trouble before it starts.

Because you will be doing something that literally takes 5 seconds that will make someone else happy.

Ask your DH to let them know all is well.
Hopefully he’s more caring than you are.
I worry about my grown up children & a quick message helps. It’s called being nice.

Text was a just an invitation to min 20 min phone with my parents - even with IL if DH entertained it - they'd immedatley phone and phone and phone till answered even if you said not to.

If you are used to dealing with people who are that nice when they get a text - it's fine.

When you have to deal with what OP appers to be dealing with phone calls if 10 minutes past eta it's not really the same thing at all.

You start to get worried about the call and not being back - you start to not do convenient things like stop off for supplies - or take a longer seanic route back. It starts to impact on your behavior and stress levels.

When you complain on here people say oh it just a quick text - and if you are being timed on journey and if late getting calls - it's clearly not that at all.

It's hard to explain but once you've been on recieving end of it - and more it's entertained worse it gets - it's more than a quick text and often if a parnter was doing it it would be seen as a red flag.