Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

[Brentinger]

AIBU that it drives me mad that my parents in law have to ask us and call us every single time we travel to make sure if we arrive safely ?

If we give an eta and go over for whatever reasons (traffic, food stop, nappy change etc ) they will call us to check 10 minutes after our eta.

It comes from my MIL being anxious and over involved, which I get - but post kids, this habit is driving me crazy. We travel a decent amount by car and anything over 2 hours away automatically gets us our ETA checked .

But I don’t understand how it works. If I drive to Sainsbury’s, do I text then? It’s travel, it could be my last journey, but is it somehow safer because I set off from my home and not theirs?

So after a visit why not assume the best, and when you wave visitors off home, pretend they are going to Sainsbury’s, so no text needed.

it’s anxiety and it’s not healthy.

I just want to add to this, the ‘back home safely’ message is only part of it as it’s usually ‘ and it was lovely to see you too’ so in a way with us it’s just a way of our family saying ‘I love you and you are important to me.’
So It’s not about control, or tracking, or blue lighting somewhere in the event of an accident, or anxiety.

Yes-they could do that. They could have therapy. Or, as I said, you could send a 5 second text.

Tell them you are there when you arent - eg we’ve just arrived safely, good journey ….mil, why can I hear speeding motoway traffic ?
it’s just the tv , bye now we’re just making a cuppa. 😂

Yep. This.

I agree with above PP. My DS and DiL visited at weekend as they are off to the US next week on holiday. They both texted separately to say they'd had a lovely time and would keep me updated from USA
They live 20 miles away.
I will be following their flight on flight radar too.. it's not control, it's out of interest!
I don't understand why texting a loved one is something to tick off the to do list.
As a teen, my friend and I used to give each other " 3 rings"

Well yes exactly and most accidents actually happen locally to where you live. More likely to have a crash driving to Sainsbury’s than driving 2 hours to the beach.

Your regular routes you also get complacent so work / school run is probably your most dangerous trip.

YANBU. The phrase 'drive safely' (usually from parent) really annoys me. As if I need reminding to do so!

Are you also annoyed by people who love you telling you to 'take care?'.

I mean, you don't need reminding do you?

Do you also get annoyed when people say ‘bless you’ if you sneeze?
Drive Safely is just a phrase, not a judgment of your driving skills,

I regularly check flight radar if I know a friend or family are flying. 😉

I do get annoyed, yes.

Drive safely is an instruction, bless you isn't.

As others have said, just turn your phone on silent and ignore the calls whilst travelling.
Then just send them a quick text when you’ve got home and sorted yourself out to let them know you’re home. Don’t rush to do this as getting unpacked, kids to bed is the most important thing.
I remember when I was young my Grandma always asked me to give her 3 rings to let her know I got home safely. I mostly always forgot to do this and would have a call from her asking me if I was ok.

Maybe you’re a terrible driver! Just joking by the way, but it’s interesting how you interpret ‘drive safely’ in that way, whereas I’d view it as a ‘throw away phrase’ meaning safe travels.

Just tell them you'll text when you get somewhere safely and then do that. It takes 2 seconds. Imagine when your kids are older, will you not want to know if they are safe? I always text my mum that I got somewhere - it's nice that people care!!

It's not an instruction, it's a thing people commonly say. Like take care, don't work too hard, have a nice day.

Or do you think they're instructions too?

You must've been beside yourself with rage during covid with everyone telling each other to 'stay safe'.

It's nice she cares, doesn't most people want to know if there family members have arrived safely?? I always check in if my family members are flying out somewhere that they got there OK. A quick message to say we are here , all OK, then you don't need to message much again. The phoning after 10 mins is excessive though and sounds annoying. Maybe you could say beforehand no need to worry or call if you don't hear from us straight away we might be busy with kids and we will be in touch later
.

I ask my (adult) kids to text me when they are safely home (long journeys not just popping out). I didn't realise it was a terrible thing to do... I just care!
My Mum still asks me to do the same, and I do, because it takes literally seconds to text and reassures her!
I think you are being a bit mean.

Imagine when your kids are older, will you not want to know if they are safe?
Oddly enough my kids are independently traveling round and one living away at uni - and I don't feel the need to constantly check on them or insit they text or phone to let me know they got there safely- we just assume everything is fine. At most we may get a whatsapp messgae next day off their own bat - but don't pester for reassurance.

Having been at end of ever tightening demands for reasurance from my parents - I wouldn't want to inflict that on them.

But then I think it's weird to track teen/adult family members and many on here see that as perfectly normal behavior.

Love the fact that telling your mum you’re going away for the weekend is “over sharing”. No. Telling your mum you’re intending to spend the weekend shagging each other’s brains out is oversharing….

It’s not a neutral act it’s bloody annoying. Pandering to unreasonable anxiety is not helpful - you shouldn’t need to change your behaviour, you are grown adults capable of getting yourselves around.

Most accidents of any kind happen IN the home.
Do you text last thing at night to tell your parents that you haven't scalded yourself in the kitchen, or cut yourself with a knife, or fallen off a step ladder, or electrocuted yourself with a garden tool, or got bitten by the cat? That you are just as unscathed as when you woke up in the morning?

No, I thought not.

This texting after travelling is just so illogical.
I always refuse to take part.

I think it’s pretty obvious ‘how it works’. An unusual or longer journey - just send a text. Every day ones, don’t. It would be unhealthy anxiety if it was for every little trip, for longer ones it’s pretty normal.
I do it for my DD, she does it for me. I used to do it for my DPs when they were alive.
I’m also confused bailout these retirees with smaller lives who don’t get out so much…I’m out all the time!

I feel a little sad really. 2 mins to make a call/send a text to let parents know you are safe, is it really too much to ask? I did it when my parents were alive and somehow it's a bit lonely when there is that no-one to call anymore. I do also think you get more anxious when you get older. Maybe because you have seen more tragedies, more accidents and know it really can happen to anyone.

Now my daughter is an adult she insists we call her when we have done a long journey, so we have someone who cares enough again!!