Close friends beytral, has put me in a&e

[Ivyrose1234]

Last weekend unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage.

Un beknown to me, a close friend of mine has been having an affair for years apparently.

She knew of what happened, and her partner both sent us messages of support.

We thanked them and said we need time and will see them soon.

On Friday my close friends husband turned up at my house, screaming at me that did I know she was having an affair?

She had apparently said she had came over last weekend to be with me, but she was actually with him and he caught her lying by tracking her phone and she confessed she was not at my house supporting me.

I was so upset, after he left I passed out from the shock of it all, and that she had lied and said she was with me when she wasn't.

She has rang me several times since, they both have, and messaging, and last night I was rushed to a&e because I keep blacking out.

I am literally sobbing as I write this. I cannot believe she used my saddest earth shattering moment as a lie to go and be with the person she's having an affair. I'm also really angry he came to my house screaming at me, my other children hearing it all when our home is grieving.

My friend has even rang my daughters ipad to try and make contact. I literally feel like im going to have a heart attack from the stress, and I'm so upset I shake.

I'm so angry but I know I need to rest, but how dare both of them. They have no right to drag me into their mess, and harass me.

I haven't messaged either of them back, I just shake. My partner refuses to engage with either of them ever again, but I kind of want someone to stick up for me and tell them they have hurt us all so much, even my poor Dad in his old age has offered to speak to her.

I'm so sorry.

The more you post, the more unfeeling and horrible you sound.

It would be distressing enough to have your friend use you as an alibi to see her affair partner without your consent and to have her husband turn up on your doorstep ranting and raving at you. The fact that OP was miscarrying while he did this and that her friend actually used OP's miscarriage as part of her alibi would be even more upsetting.

Well yes and an anxiety attack is mental health no ? Not sure what you're trying to debate here.

After a miscarriage, hormones can cause a great strain on your mental health while you're also dealing with sadness and the physical elements. I've been there like I said.

What I'm saying is that the friend's spouse behaved in a manner which caused an acute anxiety attack. I'm going to leave it at that.

I would be sending them both a message now telling them as above that you were hospitalised but before that say they are disgusting pieces of shit for using your loss and grief to hide an affair and for coming to scream at you about it when you were still physically and mentally so raw. Your DH sounds very wet saying he will write them a letter later.
So sorry for your loss 💐.

This.
Get yourself well and ignore any silly drama.

What a horrible woman! I’m so sorry you’ve been treated like this. I’d ask my DH to tell them to back off in your position. If he feels out of his depth with it, and there’s no one else or it would be better from someone on the outside I’m willing to do it. I’m strangely quite good and being polite but firm. I’ve had to have a lot of practice unfortunately.

What was he yelling at you for? Did you ever cover for her and tell him she has been with you when she was cheating? Why would he come yelling at you unless you had actually covered for her. He knew she had lied about what she was doing but that had nothing to do with you.

So some bloke comes round to scream at the op after she's just had a miscarriage and she's very distressed. And she needs to dial back the drama?

Lots of fuckwits on this thread.

Op, make sure you block anyone you don't want or hear from. Protect your peace and calm.

So sorry for your loss.

Don't take any notice of the posts telling you you are being dramatic, you're not. You had a shock while you are grieving. He should not have turned up and shouted at you. Sorry for your loss. Forget your stupid friend and focus on yourself and getting better. They have no shame and you're better off without them.

Just like after childbirth, there can be physical problems after miscarriage-I want to post this for OP and anyone else who might be affected. Please keep going to a doctor/AE if you need to. I had problems each time I miscarried and so did some friends-while miscarriage can obviously be heartbreaking, I don't think most people realise the physical side of things-and of course it doesn't affect everyone. I think Jules Oliver was maybe the first person I read about asking why women aren't checked regularly after a miscarriage. I am so sorry OP, for what you are going through, but I second the point of getting checked again if you still don't feel physically well (and I was told counselling is available for mental health for baby loss-I hope it ok to say that as it might help you, or someone else reading this). So sorry.

Wouldn’t message them, would just block them!

Perfectly put and calming

Some absolutely disgusting replies on this thread, thankfully they're in the minority but I swear some people positively enjoy kicking others when they are down. Those accusing OP of drama ought to be ashamed of themselves, have you had an empathy bypass or something?

OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you, please don't let the a'hole responses on here get to you. Your so-called friend and her husband are the only ones causing drama here. Block the pair of them and focus on your recovery, you've been through a lot and need some peace, rest and time to process. Take care of yourself. 💐

I imagine he’d assumed OP had covered for her. He’s just found out his wife’s having an affair. He doesn’t know who to trust and he’s lashing out. Absolutely not okay for him to show up and shout at OP, especially knowing what she’s going through. But losing the plot is not unusual in these situations. I would, eventually, forgive him. It’s his wife who is massively out of order. I loathe cheating, but dragging your friends into it is even worse. She’s scum.

The most basic of google searches immediately shows that stress and anxiety can cause fainting spells. Why are people acting like this is so unusual?

I imagine when your body is depleted from something like miscarriage it’s even more plausible.

I don't get the responses you've had on this thread, OP.

Disregarding your grief and loss, you are recovering from a multisystemic health event. Your hormones are in flux while your iron levels, and physical blood volume will be at suboptimal levels. You are unwell!

Would people make such excuses for me, if I shouted at someone recovering from a haemorrhage from internal injuries sustained in a car accident? Even if they fainted after my verbal abuse? Mindboggling. Stress causes physical effects within the body, and those effects were the last straw for you.

And your expertise is in...?

OP covered all of this in the first post. The first she knew about the friends’ affair was when her DH came to the house and started yelling. So no, she had never covered for the affair - how could she if she didn’t know about it ? The so called friend used OP’s miscarriage as a cover for meeting the affair partner, telling her DH she was off to comfort OP, so not surprising the DH thought OP was involved. So not only is the friend morally bankrupt, she’s also not very bright.

Duh. Did you not even read the op?

Arseholery 101 ?

God no. Don't send something so melodramatic.

Concentrate on your own healing OP, fixating on the situation won't help and any response, or lack of, will add to your fragile mental health..
If someone was actually SCREAMING at me like that, I'd cut them off completely without a second thought. Entering what is likely to be a back and forth with people who obviously don't value you or your friendship is pointless.
I can't believe anyone egging you on to do so actually has your best interests at heart.

I'm sorry for your loss

I can't believe what I'm reading. Posters happily joining in, in torturing OP for being 'OTT'. New fucking depth of low with no understanding of severe stress and trauma. You're all disgusting.

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you.
This woman is not worth your friendship. Both Her and her husband have no right to abuse you like this.
Take time off to give yourself space to heal. Let your parents deal with any school drama .
If there is support you can access from a therapist please take it .