Close friends beytral, has put me in a&e

[Ivyrose1234]

Last weekend unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage.

Un beknown to me, a close friend of mine has been having an affair for years apparently.

She knew of what happened, and her partner both sent us messages of support.

We thanked them and said we need time and will see them soon.

On Friday my close friends husband turned up at my house, screaming at me that did I know she was having an affair?

She had apparently said she had came over last weekend to be with me, but she was actually with him and he caught her lying by tracking her phone and she confessed she was not at my house supporting me.

I was so upset, after he left I passed out from the shock of it all, and that she had lied and said she was with me when she wasn't.

She has rang me several times since, they both have, and messaging, and last night I was rushed to a&e because I keep blacking out.

I am literally sobbing as I write this. I cannot believe she used my saddest earth shattering moment as a lie to go and be with the person she's having an affair. I'm also really angry he came to my house screaming at me, my other children hearing it all when our home is grieving.

My friend has even rang my daughters ipad to try and make contact. I literally feel like im going to have a heart attack from the stress, and I'm so upset I shake.

I'm so angry but I know I need to rest, but how dare both of them. They have no right to drag me into their mess, and harass me.

I haven't messaged either of them back, I just shake. My partner refuses to engage with either of them ever again, but I kind of want someone to stick up for me and tell them they have hurt us all so much, even my poor Dad in his old age has offered to speak to her.

Kindly, this is about your loss not your friends affair and you need to calm down.

the “shock” is from your loss, it won’t have helped that somebody near you is having drama but you have not been hospitalised due to your friend having an affair it’s very unreasonable for you to suggest so.

shaking etc is dramatic and likely also due to the loss. I’m sorry for your loss but it seems your judgement is clouded here.

Yes I think this is a good response. I would be tempted to give them both a round of fucks but being the bigger person is probably the best way forward here. She is a scumbag, he is understandably upset and venting but it’s still not ok to drag you into it especially at such a horrible time for you.

I missed the deleted comments but anyone who thinks op is in any way unreasonable here needs their head testing.

@CinnamonBuns67 has the perfect message to send

And to those calling the OP dramatic just fuck off back to school

So you wouldn’t be shocked or distressed if your friends partner came to your home, aggressively shouting and accusing you of things to do with an affair you had no knowledge of? I’m sure her recent miscarriage will have contributed to her feeling more vulnerable but it’s certainly not all about the loss. It’s about her ‘friends’ being total dickheads.

I agree
I am sorry for your loss, I know from experience how awful a MC is.
Also, your friends are arseholes and you need to cut them out of your life.
However, I would say that unless one of them actually attacked you they did not "put you in A&E"

Agree with this. If someone turned up at my door screaming after I'd had a mc I'd be mote confused than shaking and passing out - you should have shut the door and ignored. Your partner can communicate that you don't want to speak to them and to stop contacting you as you are unwell

This. Your DH needs to stop thinking about his hurty feelings & priorities what you NEED right now & that's to tell them both to leave your family alone.

im very very sorry about your miscarriage 😢 & your EX friends are not helping, but you need to refocus, they have not caused your blackouts & you need to find out what has.

i hope you have others around supporting you all xx

It's sad this has happened to you. And don't bother eith those people in future. . But this is not their fault.

Hi, thank you for your messages. Some were hard to read.

I have lost some blood but more so today, they are still running more tests. I have no infection. My heart rate is pretty fast and BP quite high, and I feel unwell.

I am very upset about everything, it's all just alot. My mind keeps replaying the whole encounter. I am a reserved, shy person I was mortified by it all, I don't like nasty arguments like that at all.

Unfortunately our children attend the same school, so I will have to face both of them at some point. My parents will do the school run until I'm better.

I was due to go to work tomorrow as half term is over, but I will now obviously take some time to recover when I'm home.

My partner said he will write them a letter when I feel ready, he is also very upset about everything we're just heartbroken about it all.

Passing out due to stress is not uncommon
your system goes into ‘overload‘
i have previously had “grand-mal seizures due to stress this forum should not give medical advice or opinions we don’t know what the OPs medical history is!

They are both cunts..I'm so sorry for your loss and all the horrible things that have happened xx

I’m more angry at her husband for thinking he can come and shout at you. Your friend was stupid but didn’t mean any harm to you.
Husband sounds like he may be abusive. Maybe there’s more to it. I Duno. Keep your distance from them both. Block him and also her if you need to but I don’t think you can blame any physical illness on them, particularly not her. Just block them whilst you recover.

Wise advice

This is just horrendous of them! She isn’t a friend I’m so sorry! Please block both of them on everything and get as much rest as you need, if they turn up phone the police!
im so sorry for your loss xxx

Being shouted at and harassed would be enough of an attack to cause someone already unwell to relapse through stress and/or shock.

She is clearly either trying to apologise or find out what you said. Either way not your problem so maybe just a message stating you will not be talking to either of them right now as your priority is your health and family. Maybe set a date for a few weeks time, somewhere neutral, to bring the whole thing to a close. That will have given everyone time to cool down, work out what is going on and can move on from there.

When I'm upset or stressed I always get nose bleeds, and my eyelashes or eyebrow hair falls out I've always been like it. I haven't had upset like this in years

I agree with a pp.

I would compose a message with your husband to send to them both- saying they both have behaved deplorably and both of them were unforgivably, callously selfish. And that they both must pull together the tiniest bit of decency and leave you all in peace.

Oh love I am so sorry to hear that, do whatever you need to do, If that is blocking them both then do it x

My first miscarriage my husband found me semi conscious on the floor with my toddler crying.
I had called him to come home as I felt so suddenly so unwell.

Two subsequent miscarriages were painful but less dramatic.

If you are not used to soap opera drama and people arriving at your door screaming, I can well imagine it is indeed shocking.

They are both awful people, particularly your ex friend.

Your husband needs to send them both a text, not a letter, the suggestions above are good.
They should NEVER come near you or your home again or you will involve the police.

Tell mutual friends what has happened, their behaviour is disgusting.

Focus on minding yourself and healing.

So OP being unwell put her in A&E then?

This is about right.

I could understand being pissed off at being used as a decoy by your friend and dragged into the fighting by the husband but to get yourself so hyped up and distraught that your friend has cheated that you're hospitalised is choosing to make drama. You cannot blame them for your over the top reaction.

You’ve seen her true colours now! A friend is there when you’re in need of support and help or just a shoulder to cry on……she did neither for you.
The friendship is over, you deserve better and I’m truly sorry for your miscarriage and your current health problems.

To all the armchair medics accusing OP of over dramatising. She has had a miscarriage, which is traumatic - both physically and emotionally - and she’s grieving the loss of her baby. The added stress of friends’ husband’s aggression and the shock of finding out her friend has used the loss of her baby as a cover for seeing her affair partner could very well have triggered Vasovagal Syncopy - loss of consciousness caused by overreaction of the nervous system to repeated emotional stress or fear. A sudden drop in blood pressure and blood flow to the brain causes temporary blackouts. So wind your necks in.

I wouldn't speak to either of them again.
Take a few days, decide if you want to meet
to let them know how much they hurt you, do it, then block them.
Take care. 💐