Close friends beytral, has put me in a&e

[Ivyrose1234]

Last weekend unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage.

Un beknown to me, a close friend of mine has been having an affair for years apparently.

She knew of what happened, and her partner both sent us messages of support.

We thanked them and said we need time and will see them soon.

On Friday my close friends husband turned up at my house, screaming at me that did I know she was having an affair?

She had apparently said she had came over last weekend to be with me, but she was actually with him and he caught her lying by tracking her phone and she confessed she was not at my house supporting me.

I was so upset, after he left I passed out from the shock of it all, and that she had lied and said she was with me when she wasn't.

She has rang me several times since, they both have, and messaging, and last night I was rushed to a&e because I keep blacking out.

I am literally sobbing as I write this. I cannot believe she used my saddest earth shattering moment as a lie to go and be with the person she's having an affair. I'm also really angry he came to my house screaming at me, my other children hearing it all when our home is grieving.

My friend has even rang my daughters ipad to try and make contact. I literally feel like im going to have a heart attack from the stress, and I'm so upset I shake.

I'm so angry but I know I need to rest, but how dare both of them. They have no right to drag me into their mess, and harass me.

I haven't messaged either of them back, I just shake. My partner refuses to engage with either of them ever again, but I kind of want someone to stick up for me and tell them they have hurt us all so much, even my poor Dad in his old age has offered to speak to her.

I don’t think you can blame the blacking out on your friend and her husband, whilst what your friend has done is hurtful, I don’t think blacking out would be a consequence of this. I’m sorry for your loss.

Yes, so would mine.

I’m so sorry about your mc, OP. Been there myself. Everyone copes differently, but it helped me to focus on my DS and spend time with him. You’re going to have to do this in any case given the disturbance the bloke caused - that must have been awful.

Ask your DH to send a message telling them to stay away and stop trying to contact either of you. He really needs to step up and do this.

Regardless of what you think about OP’s reaction, read her post again, really slowly, and have a think about whether making a snide jibe about children was an appropriate thing to do? ‘Goodness’ was what your comment was not.

Get your DH to send a message to them both.

"OP was not involved in any way in your mess and your harassment of her has led to her being hospitalised again. Shame on you both for attempting to drag her into this especially at this difficult time for us both. Do not contact either of us again."

You need to get DP to contact them both and tell them if they contact you again you will phone the police for harassment.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

This is so stressful for you. Firstly sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to heal & block them both in the meantime. If you can tell them you’re blocking them. You can deal with it if you ever feel like.

Omg OP I'm so angry for you! Sorry for your loss - who in their right mind would include you in this kind of lie!?!

Get a family member or husband or friend to tell her to back off and leave you alone as they've already caused enough damage and are adding to it.

Then spend time with your family unit and try not to be angry. Let us all on Mumsnet be angry for you.

To the nasty commenters in here who are telling the op to stop being dramatic, if you haven't got anything nice to say, piss off!

I'm so sorry, OP.

Do you have any medical conditions? I understand you are devastated about your friend, but blacking out and needing to go to A&E is an extreme reaction.

It could be the extreme blood loss which is leading to her blackouts. When I had a miscarriage, I bled so badly that I needed several bl0od transfusions & was hospitalised for a week. If I had to contend with the stress that the OP's friend is causing her then I too would have been very ill.

💐💐💐

I thought the same, OP might have a history of it in which case the friend has behaved even worse

I understand your DP doesn't want anything to do with either of them but I think a message, saying briefly that any more contact will be reported to the police as harassment, would be a good line to draw. You need to concentrate on your own health at the moment. Perhaps some day you can listen to their apologies but it's OK if you don't ever want to hear them. Nothing will ease the pain you are feeling.

This is true

Sorry for your loss. Your priority right now needs to be your health and your family and I agree getting your husband to message to say you are not being dragged into their dramas and to leave you alone.

You think the OP is making herself pass out?! Cos she's dramatic? So, what, she's just acting and pretending to collapse?

I think you’ve got 2 issues here. Your friend using your miscarriage as an excuse to cover her tracks which is horrible and shows she is not a friend at all.

and separately a medical issue which you do need to get checked out by the doctor as blacking out from this is a very extreme and unusual reaction. What did they say in a and e?

I would message them "I have sent this message to both Friend and Friends husband. Friend, by using my miscarriage to lie to your husband about your whereabouts in order to meet with your affair partner you have shown me that you are no friend to me. I am very hurt you have used my pain to your advantage and no longer wish to continue our friendship. Friends husband, whilst I understand Friend has hurt you with her actions, that has absolutely nothing to do with me and it was inappropriate for you to come to my home in anger, especially knowing what I'm going through. I wish for neither of you to contact me again now or in the future"

I’ve fainted from exhaustion and stress multiple times before so it might be that’s what’s caused it for you

What an awful thing to do, these are people that I would never speak to again. Sorry for your loss.

Everyone telling OP to get herself checked out when it clearly says she was rushed to hospital? She didn't go there for a burger and fries 🙄

You passing out and needing to go to a and e has nothing to do with your friend.

Obviously you are upset but you are conflating your loss with the drama in your friends life.

It’s likely passing out is connected to the miscarriage, blood loss. Low blood pressure.

Very gently, you should not be getting yourself riled up by this in a hospital bed. Please focus on your health and try and put this to the back of your mind.

Block them, ignore them, move on from them. Don’t prolong any illness but stressing yourself out.

Well you now know the 'friend' doesn't have much of a moral compass given she's having an affair, it's no surprise going forward how low she ll stoop. She could have used you as her cover story even if you didn't have a loss, she's probably used you as her cover in the past tbh. Just block her and don't dwell on what a shit she is, it feels personal but it isn't, she ll use anyone around her.
Her husband if he apologises when he calms down I might have some time for, given he was in shock and his life had been turned upside down and he thought you both knew and were laughing behind his back at him. He shouldn't have done what he did, but if he realises that and is sorry I'd move on from it

Not dramatic! The OP is in a&e because she had blacked out more than once. Sounds like there is anxiety here!