Close friends beytral, has put me in a&e

[Ivyrose1234]

Last weekend unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage.

Un beknown to me, a close friend of mine has been having an affair for years apparently.

She knew of what happened, and her partner both sent us messages of support.

We thanked them and said we need time and will see them soon.

On Friday my close friends husband turned up at my house, screaming at me that did I know she was having an affair?

She had apparently said she had came over last weekend to be with me, but she was actually with him and he caught her lying by tracking her phone and she confessed she was not at my house supporting me.

I was so upset, after he left I passed out from the shock of it all, and that she had lied and said she was with me when she wasn't.

She has rang me several times since, they both have, and messaging, and last night I was rushed to a&e because I keep blacking out.

I am literally sobbing as I write this. I cannot believe she used my saddest earth shattering moment as a lie to go and be with the person she's having an affair. I'm also really angry he came to my house screaming at me, my other children hearing it all when our home is grieving.

My friend has even rang my daughters ipad to try and make contact. I literally feel like im going to have a heart attack from the stress, and I'm so upset I shake.

I'm so angry but I know I need to rest, but how dare both of them. They have no right to drag me into their mess, and harass me.

I haven't messaged either of them back, I just shake. My partner refuses to engage with either of them ever again, but I kind of want someone to stick up for me and tell them they have hurt us all so much, even my poor Dad in his old age has offered to speak to her.

I think someone needs to contact them on your behalf - not you.

They need to state

Dear x and y (email them both)

Last weekend we lost a much wanted baby by miscarriage. We are grieving and healing.

We were never involved in your situation and yet x lied and involved us saying they were with us - they weren’t.
Y then turned up and was vile to both of us, whist we were physically, mentally and emotionally going through a huge trauma. The stress caused resulted in a massive physical trauma response and (you) has since been in hospital with high blood pressure and other symptoms as a result.

This is an assault on us. A verbal assault with huge ramifications resulting in a hospital stay for us. How dare you involve either of us in this situation and especially at traumatic time.

We will request this only once- we want absolutely no contact with either of you, or any contact from any parties acting on your behalf. You must not contact either of us or our children and you must stay away from us at all times.

Any attempt to use third parties or involve the children or the school will result in a report to the police for harassment and assault. You have traumatised us at the worst time possible.

Leave us to grieve for the lost of our child in peace. Do not respond to this email.

Anne & Dave

I would also let the school know

Why would she have faked it ?

No it doesn’t. The OP has just had a miscarriage and is bleeding. She doesn’t need the extra stress!

@Andthedoor reported

People saying this isn’t the fault of her ‘friend’ - she passed out right after she had been shouted at by her friends husband.

She is already physically and emotionally weak , the shock of this made it worse. Probably being screamed at by a man in her own home did it. He wouldn’t have done that if her friend hadn’t lied so yes it is her friends fault .

I cannot imagine how painful it is to know that someone you trust has seen your pain and loss as an opportunity to go and sneak off to their affair partner.

You poor thing. This was appalling behaviour from them both at an already traumatic time for you. I could not get over her using your miscarriage as an excuse to see her affair partner, nor his behaviour when he knew you were miscarrying. I would simply send a message to them both telling them not to contact or approach you and then block them.

I hope that you heal soon both physically and emotionally and that you can move past this awful time.

None of this is from your own making and those “ooh it’s very Jeremy Kyle” posters should be ashamed of themselves.

Read the explanations upthread from several posters, including myself. Blackouts are caused by a sudden drop in blood pressure - a stress response to repeated trauma. OP hasn’t ’hyped herself up’ to anything, or chosen to make drama. The physical and emotional distress of a miscarriage plus this man’s aggression and the realisation that a so called friend has used the loss of OP’s baby to cover up her infidelity would be more than enough to induce this response.

Tell her to fuck off, you never want to see or hear from either of them again.

Toxic people harrassing you when you have just had a miscarriage is a deal breaking moment.

I wonder at the type of lives people lead and where.
If one of my friends husbands arrived at our house screaming and abusing me/ us for my friend supposedly having an affair and using me as an excuse, we would both be stunned and very upset.

Much less if I was recovering from a miss.
Not everyone lives soap opera lives where such low class behaviour doesn't cause so much as a blink.

I really feel for the poor OP.

After a miscarriage ? Do you not think that caused enough ‘drama and attention’ in itself ? There is a legitimate trauma response causing blackouts. Highly likely to be responsible for what OP is experiencing. But hey, don’t let mere fact get in the way of your vitriol.

I wouldn’t block her, i’d write a firm message to both of them.

To her: ‘Wow! Just wow! To use my miscarriage as an excuse to shag the man you are having an affair with is the lowest of the low. No one has spoken to me in such an appalling manner as your husband did last week. I was very unwell afterwards and been hospitalised with the stress. My family and I are so upset about the baby and I don’t need your grubby little sex life brought to my door. Nor your aggressive husband.

To him: If you ever come to my house again I will call the police, you are a rude and aggressive man. I was recovering from a miscarriage and don’t need your wife’s immoral antics in my home. I knew nothing of her affair. How she could say ‘I’m comforting her after the miscarriage when in fact she’s getting banged by another bloke is deplorable to me. She is a truly terribly friend who I shall never forgive. Never contact me again.

Send her this thread.

And I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Your partner needs to send them a terse unemotional message saying their harassment if you, contacting your children, shouting in earshot if your children at a time when the family is upset and you are physically ill is unacceptable and that they are now blocked and will not hear from you again.

Just do it.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP

I would message the husband/partner and say - you know I had suffered a miscarriage and you dare to blame me for your wife/partner cheating? Fuck off and NEVER contact me or my family again.

If your father offered to speak to them, let him. Anything to get them to leave you alone. You or your DH can reinforce the message when you're in a better frame of mind.

Your decision, but "some of us" are wrong and even unkind.

You are disgusting.

No, there’s a difference between posters such as yourself who choose to believe that for some unfathomable reason a miscarriage didn’t involve enough drama or attention for OP and she faked a blackout to cause more - and those of us intelligent enough to recognise and accept that there is a simple, medically documented trauma response which could well be the reason. Why you think OP would want to be in A&E for some made up condition while she’s recovering from an actual condition, is beyond me.

Threads like this really highlight what a cesspit MN can be at times. The same people bleating about how awful affairs are now turning on someone who has just suffered a miscarriage for being ‘dramatic’.

If you can’t offer anything supportive just scroll on. It takes a real piece of shit to stick the boot into
someone who has just gone through this and who has been verbally attacked and stressed to the max by a shit friend and her aggressive husband. Really grim stuff on here.

Yep, and ‘some of us’ are just downright nasty minded.

Your husband needs to take charge of this situation. You are currently not in an emotional or physical state to deal with it. He sends your friend a message: X was so shocked by your husband accusing her of not only knowing about your affair but facilitating it and the utter deployable behaviour of you using our family loss as a 'cover', that she's been hospitalised. We no longer wish to have any contact from either of you again. You are no longer welcome in our lives'. You don't need to wait for a reply. You then block on SM and their numbers. You have every right to be very upset, you've been betrayed by someone who you thought was a friend, and are now finding out she's not.

How awful. Tell friend in a final message you're appalled to be dragged into this and she had no right to claim she was with you without your consent. 'This is the worst time ever to have this stress so I'm blocking you and your bloke.'

Then do just that.
I'm sorry for your pregnancy loss. X