To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

[AwayShow]

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

You absolutely do need a biscuit and a lie down but yes, she definitely did that on purpose. You have my sympathies.

Reminds me of the time my ex- MIL went into the garden at Christmas and came back in with her shoes on trailing mud all through the hall and up the stairs on a light coloured carpet. It was no accident.

It’s likely that she has a minor personality disorder and is a bit broken. Well adjusted people do not do this, and she’s almost worth your pity OP except she will not change and she’s getting off on it. I would try a deeply concerned/patronising face if you have to meet her again; these types cannot cope with not being superior

I don't think it was accidental, not with the plates and not for the other things. I think you should forbid your husband to ever invite his mother again unless he stays right there with her every minute. So not one unsupervised moment. And if she grabs at something just say please don't, you might break it.

Depends on whether she has form for smashing up her own dinnerware at home.....

I do sympathise with your loss. Denby is expensive. Even the 1970s sets are costly.

Can you claim on the house insurance? Of course your excess could be more than a new one,

Was she trying to clean it? My MIL would unasked for clean things and usually end out breaking/ ruining them in some way.

I’m with you OP because if I broke anything of my MIL’s I would be so so apologetic! As would she. She would also have offered to replace the vaccum if she broke it! So the attitude would massively piss me off. It’s not an oh whoops anyway if she keeps breaking expensive stuff! I had to google denby and they are expensive too so she is costing you hundreds of pounds. I’d ban her from touching my stuff.

I doubt that she did it deliberately tbh. I think that she would have been a bit more than 'judgy' if she did something so spiteful. Your DH was with her wasn't he? Has she offered to replace? If so, then it defo wouldn't be deliberate because what would she get out of it?

Erasing your shows isn't breaking something, and anyone can do that by mistake I'd have thought.

My MIL refuses to use nice glasses, says she breaks them and can't stand it. So it really depends and you've not enough instances to make a judgement on. But you jumping to that conclusion says you dislike her, or think she really dislikes you so there's a lot more going on here.

Give her a breakdown of the cost to replace it.

It’s not OP’s house, it’s OPs and her husband’s house. She has no right to refuse entry to her MIL (any more than her husband has the right to prevent any of her family entering).

It definitely sounds as though she needs to be checked out by a doctor as they seem to be getting more regular. I would ask your husband to go with her or if any other family members have noticed anything different in her behaviour etc.

Even if she was secretly evil I dont think she'd bother smashing your plates. Honestly sounds like you are overtired. Hope she apologised though.

Some people are just horrid. The end.

I hope she at least offered to buy a replacement? She sounds unhinged 😔

I’m a mother inlaw twice and that is awful that your MIL has behaved like that
it gives us all a bad name ( although I do love Les Dawson MIL jokes lol )
she sounds childish and you need to draw some boundaries maybe ?
don’t enable this behaviour because believe me you will become very resentful of the family as time goes on.
Have a polite word firstly … see how it goes
don’t lose your head with it all ..: just explain how it all makes you feel, calmly as you can muster .
good luck …

You will never know for sure until you catch her in the act. Listen to your gut and get some wee cameras up!

Horrible Grandma! 😂 Indeed.

Yes, you may need a lie down and a biscuit, but that doesn’t mean you should shrug off your spidey senses being triggered.

I’d be tempted to fit a camera, or few, for her next visit. However, until then, as a PP already mentioned, try to explore clarity over shelf safety to gauge her reaction, and surely, her response to this happening also probably tells you a lot. As in, remorseful (or not), however, something tells me that if your spidey senses have been triggered, (and you’ll know anyway if she’s been remorseful with previous ‘accidents’), you may already know the answer here.

To be able to confront her on it though, (or to just feel firm with boundaries even if you don’t want to confront her on it), you’ll need evidence.

You may need the evidence to get partner on board with the boundaries you decide to put in place.

She sounds a delight. Good luck!

Have you ever tried erasing a show on a Sky box or similar? You have to do it deliberately, and you can't just do a "Select all, delete" like you can emails on a PC, she would need to go into each one to delete it. Apart from the question of why she's nosing around to see what is being recorded by someone else...

OP had put her very expensive china safely high up in the cupboard, high enough so you would need to stretch to reach the plates, yet "somehow" this was knocked down by an elbow. Why her MiL was poking around in the cupboard and trying to get to a gravy boat after dinner had been finished is, again, another question.

As various other posters have said, hard to tell for sure without knowing whether she's this clumsy and has so many accidents in her own home, though 3 times in a row of "accidents" happening during a visit does seem a little suspicious. Add in the rather pointed remark about parenting style and you get the feeling that the MiL isn't terribly fond of OP.

I have a family member with exactly this mentality. You know yourself and your home, I’d say trust your instincts and ask DH to dig deeper whilst having a chat with MIL. See if the incidents continue after that

Even if it was an accident she should pay to replace what she smashed. A link to the Denby website with a rough estimate of replacement costs may do wonders for her coordination around your home. If it doesn’t then a suggested visit to the doctors may help.

My mother is like this. Constantly breaking stuff, leaving appliances on, etc. She’s clumsy and impulsive and I strongly suspect has undiagnosed ADHD (there is neurodiversity in our family). It may well not be deliberate in your MIL’s case. Doesn’t stop it being irritating though. Esp if you’re pregnant.

If it's impossible to do it by accident then it wasn't an accident. She's lying and is downright nasty. Time to only see her at her house where no doubt she'll be less accident prone.