To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

[AwayShow]

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

There’s nothing at all nasty about the original suggestion, if she is accidentally knocking things over a lot, that needs looking at and it sounds like DH is the most appropriate person to have that conversation with her

Sounds like narcissist spite. Sorry about your Denby but you have a bigger problem. People who do this kind of thing like breaking people too, so no, don’t have her around, she’s a live one for your actual marriage. She clearly hates you

I’m with you. My MIL hates me (well it’s mutual) and she’s broken at least three of my late Nan’s family heirlooms!

Do you think she enjoys the drama/attention that breakages create?

I can't see it OP. What would she gain from doing that?

Was she apologetic or offered to replace it?

enjoyment.

It’s hard to understand, if you’ve never met people like this, just how destructive spiteful people are. They enjoy the distress of others - if you watch them they are looking for an intense emotional reaction to feed off. Really unpleasant

Is she horrible grandma from Friday Night Dinner?

I doubt its an accident.

Who puts their dinner plates on a shelf so high up that they have to stretch up to reach them???

Denny is indestructible -that’s quite some achievement!

What the total fuck has ADHD got to do with being clumsy??? I'm not clumsy, I have off the scale ADHD. Neither is my brother, also ADHD. It is NOT a trait of that particular type of ND. Try reading up on things before you pronounce them as to blame for certain behaviours.

Probably so they're out of reach of children. And horrible Grandmas

I have combined adhd and I am clumsy. A simple Google search will show you that being clumsy is linked to adhd.

Even if I wasn't clumsy I wouldn't of been offended at someone asking.... because there is a link. No need for such a hostile response from you

Yeah I maybe over reacted a bit there. Probably because I see too many people using ADHD as an excuse for all kinds of bad behaviour, usually "self-diagnosed ADHD or for situations where someone who usually can control their impulses doesn't bother in other situations (e.g. can control at work, then uses it as an excuse to treat their partner like shit),

But if you're naturally clumsy then you don't usually play around with other peoples things or reach up onto high shelves in their houses, as you know you are prone to accidents.

I would put a nanny cam out next time she comes round and find out if it's accidental or not

I’d set up cameras about the place as suggested but I’d have hidden mics and speakers too, and then connect them to my pc. Having made an excuse to leave the room for a few minutes, I would then watch what she does, hear what she says, and then I would speak to her through the hidden speakers “MIL, is that you? Did you just say XXXX?” Well of course she didn’t but she’s very spooked by your disembodied voice repeating what she just said, so she’ll do her best to look as innocent as always when you return.

When you do return, bring your laptop with you, playing the film of what she did, with sound and as much wondrousness as you can muster. Show her your ‘interesting’ film.

she will never come back.

She just sounds reckless and careless with your stuff which is annoying in and of itself - she's not paying attention and doesnt even seem terribly apologetic.

Ask your husband to have a word with her about taking more care around the house.. Sounds like she just can't be arsed.

My mother did this to me for years. It was deliberate out of spite. She’s a deeply unhappy and vindictive woman. It only stopped when I went to her house and did the same and asked if it was a fun game we were both playing. She’s never done it since. She ruined hundreds of pounds worth of items. Often things with sentimental value or special things I’d saved for. It’s hard for people who have never experienced this type of behaviour to comprehend. Especially that someone could do this to someone they’re supposed to love.

This is the definition of a malignant narcissist, they take pleasure in harming others, I'm so sorry .
To anyone reading this who is tempted, when someone tells you that a close relative is behaving like this, to go don't be daft, surely not, it must an accident, please please pause and ask a question as to why they think this, LISTEN above all.
It's utterly terrible being on the receiving end of this.
When your treasured , worked for and personal possessions are destroyed, they are not just things, they are attacking you, it's a veiled threat of aggression from someone who should love you.
Being dismissed or disbelieved is so so painful and invalidating and of course the perpetrator knows this.
Please just listen

As someone who also had their things “accidentally” broken I also eventually tumbled it was vindictive. The explanations were so implausible they insulted my intelligence; later I realised that this implausible story was also part of the fun. People like this are really poison I’m afraid

It's so interesting (and sad) hearing that this is "a thing". Has anyone read Olive Kitteridge? I thought it was a bit of a quirk but sounds like the author has captured a certain type of person!

I don't generally tell people in RL I have adhd because people do excuse it for their bad behaviour. A friend of a friend took great enjoyment in making another woman uncomfortable by asking inapriopate questions and when questioned why it was blamed on adhd..... it wasn't adhd, I could see how much she was enjoying making the woman squirm

I think the MIL did it on purpose and I don't think her behaviour is linked to adhd...... but as much as I try not to be clumsy it does happen 😅

Is she going to replace the dishes?

Olive wasn't malicious, though. Just not very self-aware - or aware of the effect she was having on other people.

Not every woman is cut out to be a wife and/or mother.

Tall people? People with young children? Tall people with young children?