DH Took my car without asking

[SaveAndEarnMoreMoney]

AIBU?
I’ve been really sick whole week with an upper respiratory infection and it’s half term so I was looking after DD by myself whole week while DH was working and attending to things he needed to do, so I couldn’t go to the gym whole week. I started to go again in February as it helps with managing my stress levels and for my health in general. Because DH had to go to another town for 2 nights to help his parents, I had no time at all for myself this week and now that I’m better, I was looking forward to going to a body balance class this AM. DH always goes to bed really early (9pm) and this has been an issue in our marriage for years. He is self employed and works in the trades so gets up early (5am) and he sometimes goes to get parts before he goes to do a job. We both agree he doesn’t need to get up that early and it’d be ok if he went to bed at 10 and got up at 6 but he never does. (he says he’s tired even though he always got an 8 hour night even when DD was a baby, and it’s always me who sees to DD if she’s sick, can’t sleep or if there are any issues - even though I work too which I don’t mind at all but he still complains he’s tired and he doesn’t think anything is wrong with him, he says he’s tired because her gets up early… )
Anyway, I digress, I’ve ADHD, sorry!
So he went to bed quite suddenly last night and I didn’t get the chance to tell him about me wanting to go to the gym.
This morning I woke up, went to have a shower, it was quiet so I thought DD might be sleeping still or they might be downstairs. I got ready to go to the gym and then realised as I was going to leave, that my car was gone! I called DH and asked him where they were. It turns out they went out in my car, and they are half an hour away, so I can forget about my body balance class. I asked him why he took my car instead of going in his, and he just got angry with me saying he didn’t know I was going to go to the gym. That still doesn’t explain why he took my car and not his and he refused to answer that. His car is working, perfectly fine, and there’s no reasonable explanation as to why he took my car.
I feel so frustrated and I know when he gets home, he’ll be angry with me and at best I’ll be getting the silent treatment today. He does this; he wrongs me and if I complain about it, he blames me or gets angry with me. I don’t know how to deal with that!
Just to clarify, I’m not insured to drive his car so I can’t take it.

Take his?

But the silent treatment is abusive.

Can't you drive his?

I'd he's done it on purpose, that's controlling AF.

First post nails it.

Just take his?

I can’t because I’m not insured to drive it.

You’ve been ill. He takes DD out so you are able to have a lie in. He’s done a nice thing. He’s not a mind reader and didn’t realise you were planning to go to the gym. He’s left you a car so why does it matter which one he took. Was DD car seat already in yours, so he took it for quickness. We’re also a two car family but we drive each other’s cars without asking. All this is said kindly. If you’ve been ill you’re no doubt feeling a bit down and thinking subjectively.

I’m not insured to drive his car so I can’t…

I’ve just read your post saying you’re not insured for his car. You need to get yourself insured for both cars.

It’s a non-event. You didn’t communicate. All you had to do was remember to tell him the night before that you had a class and that you need your car. If he still took it anyway then you have a reason to post on MN.

He’s never taken her out like this before. She’s 11 so doesn’t need a car seat. It just makes no sense why he’d take mine.

It’s his car - he takes out the car insurance and he never insures me in his as I just drive my car.

I think there’s more going on here than just “he took your car”. How come he’s insured to drive your car but you’re not insured to drive his? Given that he was planning on being out for several hours why is the default “she won’t need her car as she hasn’t said” rather than “she hasn’t said she doesnt need it”. It doesn’t really matter what plans are, plans change and he’s left you without transport.

Lastly, when finding out that you did have plans to use your car the reasonable response is “shit, I didn’t think, I’m sorry” not “I’m not a mind reader, how would I know”

I suspect this is just part of a pattern of shit behaviour and the man’s an arse.

If you’ve got fully comprehensive insurance on your own car then you should have third party on any car you drive, so you can take his.

But that’s not the real problem. He has gone out with your daughter but taken your car to make sure you don’t actually get a day off. You’re trapped at home. This is controlling; he’s keeping you controlled. He sounds like a bit of a shit anyway; if he starts work so early then why isn’t he taking over some parenting and house chores in the evening so you have time to yourself?

Why are you wasting your time with this man? Why do so many women come to realise they made a poor choice, they know their guy is shit… but they just stay?

I wasn’t expecting that he’ll go anywhere - surely he should have told me that he was going to go somewhere with DD and take my car?

I’m sorry, when did we have to start telling our partners that we need access to our own cars as default? That’s really what we’re expected to do?
They both have a car each. Why on earth does she have to fill in a sign up sheet to use her own car when he has his? I cannot believe you are actually making this her fault for not booking in to use her own damn car when he has his own.

I am insured on all the cars in my family. Still nobody would take my car without asking. My car is my car. You’re right to be annoyed and I wouldn’t stand for the silent treatment and sulking over him being pulled up on it either.

Just insure yourself on his car. I did that on my son's car while he was away.

You nailed it, if he’d just say ‘shit, I didn’t think, I’m sorry!’ I’d be ok with that. We all make mistakes! But the issue is that he pretty much never does that and it’s always somehow my fault. He’ll then sulk for hours and ignore me. This is what I’m already dreading.

It was selfish, given you can’t drive his. Why waste money being insured on his, when he can just drive his own car.

It’s strange - firstly get yourself added to his, you should both be able to drive each others.
Why do you think he took yours? is it cleaner / newer / not full of tools?

Just to add that it probably won’t cost much to add you to his insurance too. We’re all insured on each others so that if someone’s car is out of action or need taking to a garage or whatever, we can swap and change with ease.

Check your own insurance.. It might say you are covered to drive other cars.. Mine does..

Why is he insured to drive yours ,and your not insured to drive his

Who heads out with the DC without at least inviting the other too?

That’s what my ex was like. He’d never, ever apologise. One of the reasons we’re no longer together. He’d barely speak to me for days if I dared tell him off about anything and he went though life not really thinking about anyone else, ever and the effects of his actions on people. So your post really struck me as something familiar. He would have done that to me too.