Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

Can you actually not figure out how to change this by yourself? Do you realise that you’re in charge of your own life and mostly your daughter’s life? You don’t have to just accept everything that happens around you. You don’t have to be a martyr.

Like others have said, get up and go with them. Or if it’s their thing and you want to respect that, make plans for the weekend or don’t let your daughter go straight out to play. Or even leave your husband at home and do whatever you want to do by yourself at the weekend.

The only advice is decide what you want to happen, then do that. I cannot believe that hasn’t occurred to you before now.

It does sound lonely. It must be horrible to think they'd rather go off on their own than have you with them. Do you think your husband encourages this?

You are bothered. But not bothered enough to do anything about it!

Get a grip and take control! Decide on an activity you and her want to do every Sunday morning and stick to it. Or do something for a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. So what if she misses some playing with friends. The days are long with young kids and I am sure you can squeeze something in.

You are a parent. Take charge.

She’s asleep! The OP is the one saying she would rather stay in bed late and then have a leisurely coffee rather than go with them.

Sounds more like DD does if you read her comments. Likes to have time alone with Dad who is at work more during the week

Just leave them to it OP and enjoy your lie ins!

and why are you sitting in the house when your daughter is out playing with friends. Presumably your husband is home so you go out then! Meet up with friends at the pub, go get your nails done, whatever you want to do!

And that’s a lovely thing. Why shouldn’t they have one to one time?

So wake up, dress, shower text and go join them?

I dont get it

Edit so now its they like to do it alone.
Why dont you plan some alone time on Sunday?

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually.

So what was the routine before this? Did your daughter and husband get fed up of weekend mornings being spent slobbing at home whilst they waited for Mummy to get out of bed? So they created a new structure?

Do you work in the week? 8am is really not that early.

quit moaning the answers in your hands

it’s nice she has some one on one time with her dad but how about every other weekend you get up with them and go with them? Why should they have to stay at home until you get up? Or on the odd weekend arrange that you will all do something later if staying in bed is more important

8 is not early 😂 By that time my kids had normally been awake for 2 hours.

Make a coffee in a thermo mug and head out with them, at least 1 day.

Or go and join them once you are 'up'.

How lovely that they want to spend time together! Like, really lovely.

More context would be helpful though. How old is she? Do you work full time or do you have lots of time with her during the week?

also, plan family days for one day in the weekend and enjoy them going out early on the other day.

Have they actually said they want to go alone?

If so, I do agree with you that your husband needs to enforce that mum and dad are both coming and that mum coming doesn't take away time with dad.

If its your husband saying he wants to go with just dd, you need to explore why? It isn't right for one parent to feel excluded and he does need pulling up on that if its the dynamic he is allowing.

At the end of the day, they can't prevent you from coming so just get up and be ready and go with them!

8am is not early.
It's nice they are having one on one time, you're not actively excluded, you're not up and ready to go.
You can carve your own time out with your DD or, carve time out for the 3 of you.

Your DD will not be spending EVERY waking hour playing with her friends.

You sound like you're annoyed and to prove a point, you're not doing anything to remedy your annoyance. The only person losing out here is you.

Are you having a crisis of confidence and not feeling sure of your place with your daughter? It sounds like you're really unsure of where you fall in terms of importance to her.

Enjoy your lie in and let them spend time together. If you feel you're not getting time together it's really your place to arrange something. There's no reason you can't do it in advance and no reason they can't have the odd Saturday morning they don't spend together, or you all spend it together. "A week on Saturday we're all going to do something together, what do you fancy".

So stop being selfish then? Make your own plans with DD. She doesn’t “have to” play out - there is no law saying all family activity must take place before lunch time 🙄

I cant believe your dd 'playing out' with the local kids is dictating your weekend plans. Weekends are generally family time and sports fixtures in our home unless there is a party,

Read the updates. She'd be happy to get out of bed but they prefer to go on their own. It sounds horrible OP, people aren't really getting it as they've latched on to the idea that you'd rather stay in bed. I'd find this really lonely as well.

Just get up? 8 isn’t early.

You have so many good suggestions for this Op.
Gently, I honestly think you sound a bit like a sulky teenager - don’t want to get up early but don’t want to miss out. But you don’t have to! So many options to fix it…

As others have said - get up on one of the days at 7am have your coffee.. It’s not that early with kids…

How are they possibly spending 8-12 every weekend day at a playground. What if it rains? What do they eat drink? Are they local or far away?

Why don’t you on one of the days take a picnic brunch to them? Or suggest they come meet you for lunch someplace?

If neighbourhood kids dominate afternoons then plan to go out as a family every fortnight to someplace together...

Does your dd like shopping, animals, beach? Plan to do one of those as just you and her or family.

You also still have the evenings… Movie night, games night, spa night…

Honestly you have tonnes of options here. If it’s actually that you are jealous of dd being a daddy’s girl that’s different though…? Be honest as I’m sure if you figure out why this bothers you then you can figure out a way to fix it or at least improve it. Also have a think if you are a bit depressed. As others have said it doesn’t really make sense why this upsets you so much and you are so passive here.

Best of luck!

Have they actually said that? Even if that’s the case, a compromise can be reached and have a family day every now and then. You just have to ask/plan for it.

Why don't you make plans with DD yourself rather than saying its impossible because she's off doing something else? Obviously she'd enjoy playing out with friends in good weather and she doesn't have an alternative activity organised. Tell her midway through the week, you can play out with X on Saturday morning but in the afternoon we are going to make a cake / go to the library / farm / play centre / play computer games together whilst eating popcorn etc. Maybe not every weekend so she gets time with friends too. Then when she's out with friends, find something to do by yourself/ take up a hobby based at home so she doesn't start to feel like it's her responsibility to make sure you don't feel left out / bored without her....

How late do you get up? Surely it’s normal to get up when the kids get up, sort their breakfasts then go out? With kids it often is early. You can’t expect them to wait around for you to get up and ready, why don’t you get up when everyone else does and go with them?

That sounds really nice. They’re only out for an hour or so? So go somewhere together later or on Sunday? Presumably, she wouldn’t go out playing then?

Let dd have this time with her dad and stop making it about you.