Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

Husband and dd are up and ready to go at 8am but you want them to wait until you are ready and had a coffee! Aye, ok! You expect them to hang around waiting for you while you faff about. I wouldn't wait either. The point is they want to do it together, father and daughter time, how many dads actually do that, not many, stop trying to make it about you.

Just get up and go with them? I don't think you can expect them to sit twiddling their thumbs whilst you sleep in and take your time having a coffee, but your DH can't demand one on one time every weekend morning either (if that's what he's doing, or have you decided yourself that you're not welcome?).

Or tell your six year old that you have plans for the afternoon so she can't play out and do something with her.

I think you are turning this into a big issue when it doesn't need to be.

You are entitled to have the sleep you need, not sure why people keep suggesting you should get up with them. On the other hand, you cant make them to stay in bed/ stay in for the time you get up. I think what they are doing is considerate to you.
If you want to do something later with your DD then fish her off the street to do something else.

I see a different thing there.

It is sad, that the only way you have some family day out is if you plan it. He doesn't bother, he just takes her to breakfast and playground. Which is good, but not if it is the ONLY thing he does.

It would be sooo nice, if he said "let's all go to the zoo tomorrow", just once.

Yeah it does seem as though he’s getting his time in with DD very early so then he has the rest of the day to do as he pleases (with the car) whilst OP is stuck supervising DD playing with friends.

I think that’s why a chat and some plans would be helpful. But it would also be nice if it came from the DH. If he clocked that it would be nice at some point over the weekend to spend some time together as a family. And planned this.

OP is being berated for not setting an alarm and getting up and out of the door for 8 (for no real reason the park will be there all morning). Yet the DH is superman for getting up and out by 8. Yet he often comes back and sleeps all afternoon….

Everyone has different body clocks- one isn’t better than the other. It annoys me how society is full of praise for larks…

Maybe the OP is tired at the weekend (perimenopause can do that). She doesn’t want to set an alarm and rush around to get to the park for 8…for no good reason. She’ll have been getting up early all week. Rest is good!

I find it very strange that so few people think-as I do-that children having one on one time with a parent(providing that’s something they both want) is wholly positive and something to be encouraged.

Some dad’s just can’t win!
mums moan when they don’t want to spend alone time with their children and then some moan when they do!
you sound very miserable, could that be the reason why they go out on their own and leave you at home!?
Do you say that you’re tired so they’re letting you have a lay in and some peace!?
maybe use the time you’re on your own to catch up on the jobs around the house!

Isn't this what most mums dream of ?
You could plan something for evening like bowling/ cinema / fairground / evening walk now its lighter. Surely if playground age she isn't playing out all afternoon and late into evening

You need something to moan about 😂😂😂

Hello. It sounds like you’re not feeling the best, but things can get better. I am peri and HRT has helped loads although I appreciate it’s not for everyone. Re your DH going out with your DD, there are different paths you could take here and maybe a combo of both would work. When he takes it her out in the morning, there are things you could do for you eg exercise class online, read a book, do hobby stuff, do a course, watch Netflix, sleep in etc. If they go out and you feel flat, alone, with nothing to do apart from housework then that’s something to be addressed more generally. I’d also suggest you talk to your DH about how you are feeling. It seems to me you need to both communicate a bit more eg does he think he’s doing you a favour by giving you that space in the morning? Does he understand how you’re feeling about the park thing and more generally? Maybe they could go to the park and then pick you up for brunch? Maybe go with them and take your coffee in flask some days? Maybe make a decision as a family of an activity to do each weekend? Or do a jar with bits of paper with different ideas (make it together) and your DD pulls one out each and that’s the family activity you do? Maybe agree they do the park thing on Sundays and that’s your lie and treat yourself morning in the week?
Evenings could be movie night at home, games night, make pizzas together, have a walk around the block on a summer evening, etc.
Lots of options and I hope things feel better soon. I know I’ve had times when I’ve felt stuck and everything has felt impossible. Best wishes x

Yeah, just get up earlier and go with them. YA definitely BU.

I know you were just being helpful. But seriously, you missed meetings and were late for work until someone else bought you an alarm clock??

Yeah. Father of the year.

He takes the child out in the morning, has fun and buggers off in the afternoon.
She should catch up on jobs in the morning and supervise the child in the afternoon without actually spending the time with them.

Has anyone said she should catch up on jobs? If they have then that’s shit of course.

Why is it fun when he does it and supervision when she does it? Bloody MN hates men.

Is anyone in this thread against the child having some one on one time with the father?

I see it as a thread about the OP being unhappy about the overall way their weekends go, more specifically, about the other things which are missing in their lives.

There is difference between spending the 1-2-1 time with the child and being around when the child plays with some friends.

Well, the thread is mostly about ways of the OP joining in the one on one time!

How would yourDH react if you tell him how you’re feeling, and tell him you’d like to spend a weekend day doing something all together? It sounds like you feel very alone and passive in your relationship.

This! I would be more than happy to let them go
personally and have a morning to myself but if she did want to go with them then it really wouldn’t kill them
to go a bit later in the morning. As poster above states - the OP is tired at the weekend (perimenopause can do that). She doesn’t want to set an alarm and rush around to get to the park for 8…for no good reason. She’ll have been getting up early all week. Rest is good!

Is this a joke? Have you never missed a meeting because you are running late? Has no one close to you ever dropped you a small nudge in the right direction and you’ve followed their advice and then wanted to pass on that knowledge to others to try and help?
I am finding it really unusual that that hasn’t been the case. I’m not perfect, but I have come a long way and a lot of that was due to the positive power of manifesting and also practical solutions like setting an alarm!

I think most people set alarms for work.. and would not miss meetings or be late for work..! I set an alarm for school from the age of 11.. I am now 49. I’m perplexed how this invention passed you by..

I know you were trying to help but it’s a bit bizarre that you’ve only just discovered alarm clocks and were late to work before this discovery….

This is simple, get up with them, my ex always complained I was up at 7 and she wanted to lay in bed till 12 to 1pm that's not for me. Then she'd complain we didn't have time to do anything.

Good riddance I say.

Every other weekend get up and go with them. Not rocket science... Once a month do a later brunch thing?

Getting up at 7 at the weekend does not make you a better person. Maybe she liked a 12- late schedule. Everyone has different body clocks.

Larks are not better than owls just because society is designed for them…