Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

Then OP can arrange her own 1-2-1 activity in the afternoon can't she?

ok ‘sorry’ I’m not a ‘perfect’ meeting attendance person! Or a ‘perfectly on time date’ or ‘always make school drop off’!
It’s not that I’ve just discovered them! I know they have existed for a long time but I didn’t think to use them until DH helped me. I can’t understand why this is getting so much shade thrown on it because it’s helped me lots and it might help the OP too!
have you never used something that others have been using and existed for a long time and found it helpful? Eg cutting an old plastic bottle to cover your plants to create a mini greenhouse?
Try that and I think if you find it helpful you will definitely want to tell people about it

@Subbyhubby

in your pre- alarm clock days did you just used to go to bed at night and just hope for the best that you’d wake up early enough in the morning?? 🤣 that’s mad!

In the nicest possible way, this is hilarious. As in, totally innocently hilarious.

What happened before someone else bought you an alarm clock? How did you manage for work, travel, seeing people in the morning, school etc? If you were just late all the time, how did you think the rest of the world managed it?

As it happened, I did find it difficult but when I went to my GP they explained that some people are just biologically programmed in a different way. Some people are ‘morning larks’ and others are ‘night owls’. You can’t change something in your genes.
I did often run late and sometimes missed things but those that know me know that’s just who I am. Or who I thought until I met DP who spent time helping me work on some psychological and some physical strategies (such as setting alarms) to be in time. It doesn’t always work, but we all have our own battles to face, and I’m working on mine.
I didn’t realise others would be so offended by offering others helpful strategies. DP isn’t a qualified psychologist so I can see why others might be skeptical but it really worked for me

I don’t want to hijack this from OP. Sorry op

@Subbyhubby There's quite a difference between thinking of a novel use for a plastic bottle as a plant protector and using an alarm for the purpose for which it was specifically invented. It's puzzling how you say you knew about alarms but never thought to use one. What did you think they were for?

I wouldn't claim that I've never, ever in my life been late for something, no. But your post implied that you did this repeatedly, without it every occurring to you that an alarm clock might be a good idea. Like it was a revelation! And then you go on to refer to this as some special " knowledge" that needs to be passed on by word of mouth. It is bizarre! Most adults set an alarm to get up every work/school day, and ofter other days too. It's just normal common knowledge that that's what you do.

Anyway, I'm glad it's working for you!

Honestly. No one is offended by this. Just bemused. But I guess everyone sees the world in a different way and what is obvious to one person isn't necessarily obvious to another. Maybe nobody in your family ever used alarm clocks either.

Yeah, with a tired child which just wants to play with friends.
When she gets back, she’s quite tired/not keen to go out again and her friends are knocking on the door and she’s so happy playing with them, so that’s sort of the weekend done.

Anyway, the issue isn't him taking the DD sometimes out 1-2-1 in the morning. The issue is how they organise it - it seems that he just takes a car and DD and goes, blocking other alternatives by doing that. And that he doesn't seem to take his part of the responsibility for having a family time.
And in this situation the PPPP poster suggested that the OP should just do chores...

Please don't think I’m having a pop at you here but why should they have to wait a bit longer for you to have a coffee and get ready? They’ve managed to get up and ready to go and they’ve found a sweet spot. Something they enjoy. You want them to change that to suit you. Why can’t you get up a bit earlier and get ready for the time they go out?

@irregularegular 'Bizarre' is the very word that sprang to my mind too. And the fact that DP came up with the idea even though he's not a qualified psychologist...

I do feel like this is something your parents should teach you. My mother was a SAHM, she set an alarm when we were little to wake us up for school. When we got a little older, she made us set our own alarms. It never occurred to me before now that some families might not do something similar.

I'm a night owl. But my job starts at 7:30 a.m. . So an alarm is obviously a necessity.

Can’t you just arrange to do something with both of them one day? Research some ideas and discuss with your DH in advance what he’d like to do.

Sorry, I'm not offended nor thinking poorly of you @Subbyhubby , I hope it didn't come across that way. It is kind of endearing in a way, but I'm sure that sounds patronising. I'm just amazed you didn't have parents who had to be up for work or whatever? Never saw them use an alarm clock? I can't imagine it ever being something anyone is actually taught to do. Or if someone really struggles, perhaps just Google how to be at work on time or whatever. Alarm clocks are so run of the mill, they're not at all obscure or unusual.

Why don't you just get up a bit earlier and join them? It must be a boring weekend for them otherwise, awake and ready for the day while you're loafing about in bed? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I was the child of a parent who liked to sleep in, and I used to dread the weekends.

Or why doesn’t she just let her dd and her dad have some time together, just the two of them? Worth thinking about!

So your DH gives you a lie in every weekend!? I'd take that.

You could take the lie-in and arrange to meet them an hour or two later so they get some 1-2-1 time too?

I actually can’t believe you’re complaining. Why not plan something you want to do and tell DD and DH or are you expecting them to plan it?

The daughter is now 32, with a husband and three of her own children.

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