Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

I think it’s nice that they have a good bond,I’d leave them to it .

How about asking them to come back earlier and have an actual plan for the day? "Let's go and see castle/museum/farm/hill tomorrow. Can you be back from the playground by 10, I'll have the bags/a picnic ready and we'll set off then"

It's good he's really playing his part. I suggest either get up early and go to bed early, or book or arrange something for a day trip or afternoon. Also find a way to enjoy your free time! Maybe use 20 mins to read a good book or exercise.

FFS what a non-problem. Enjoy your lie in then go and meet them at the park. You get your lie in, they get their early morning in the park together, you all get some family time.

Or is the issue more that you like to be Director of how everyone organises their weekend time - and you're not?

Why don’t you let them have one morning together and on the other day join them, maybe part way through.

DS and DH would do 1:1 thing for some part of the weekend, as I had more time with DS during the week, when he was little. We would then do something as a family later in or on the other day

Have you actually spoken to your DH about this?
Could the compromise be that they go off to the playground for an hour and then you join them?
It’s nice that he actually bothers to parent his child to be honest. Tell the neighbours you’re busy and arrange a movie or games afternoon as a family?
There are ways around this ‘problem’!

I really can't see the issue here. Get up and go with them if you're really all that bothered.

Despite your explanations, I too don't see why them doing this precludes you all having other family time over the weekends. Go out later in the afternoon once DD has had a nap, or just go out the next day. Just arrange it rather than sit moaning that it isn't/hasn't been happening. It won't happen if you don't make it happen. I don't believe DD is all that tired, and if she is then a nap for an hour will surely sort it.

8am isn’t early to be getting out of bed really but I do think it’s early to be ready to go out I.e having showered, had breakfast, put make up on etc. for a weekend anyway. It’s not unreasonable to want a lie on a weekend.

Let them have one day and organise something else on the other? One day you can have a lay in and the other get up. There can be some balance, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

I wouldn't want to spend my weekend at home all the time either but equally it's not fair to expect them to hang around for you. Would it be better to plan ahead a bit. Decide with DH that you'll all go to...on Sunday etc. Also if your DH is home in the afternoon then go out yourself. Just say 'I've not been out today yet so am going for a walk/coffee/shop, anyone want to join me?' then go.

I'd love that problem. Dh used to do that sometimes (still does when they're at home when adults) but not very often.

But honestly, if it bothers you that much you get up quickly and go without a coffee.

Drives me loopy when I'm getting up early to get on with something, and dh says he'll come too, and then spends half an hour dressing, has breakfast, and oh, let's just get the wash on... and an hour and a half later we're going.
I can be up and out of the house in 5-10 minutes. He faffs around until it's much later and really I'm not in the mood for it any more - my head left the house 90 minutes ago.

@MargaretThursday

How can you be ready to leave the house in 5mins? surely you can’t even brush your teeth and shower in 5mins?

It's not unreasonable to want a lie in at the weekend, but it is unreasonable to expect everyone else to be bound to that. They dont want a lie in, they want to be up and out.

They go to a cafe, so OP could breakfast there, and it's not necessary to put make up on to go to play in a park - and the world wouldn't end if she skipped the shower until later in the day once in a while.

You are her parent. You tell her what she can and cannot do. One weekend you simply say “we’re having an afternoon out”. Problem solved.

Such an odd thread.

I sense there might be more to this than OP has let on so far.
It seems too simple a thing to fix to be an actual problem, surely?

If you know where they are why don't you just follow on when you're ready and join them then? Bring a coffee with you?

So get up

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I'm sure with tenacity you will prevail.

It seems as if the fact she’s insisting on playing out with her friends all weekend is more the issue than the early morning park visit.
Does she (and dh?) refuse to go on family days out when they return?
why not plan something, let them know a couple of days before then use the time they’re out to get everything ready then once they’re home you can all go out.
The Weekend has two days, she can play with her friends the other day of the weekend surely?

My dp used to take dd and later ds swimming annd breakfast every Saturday early. They used to love creeping round the house so as not to wake me (I’m an early riser so I was always awake!) and sneaking out. It was lovely- I had a morning to myself then our family weekend started at lunchtime.

Where did THAT come from?? What makes you think the children don’t want to be with their mum? Nothing in her post gave me that impression.
When our children were young, my husband hardly saw them during the week as he worked long hours. Because of this, he wanted to spend time with them at weekends. On Saturdays, he would bring me a cup of tea in bed, then take them out for some fun, the local playground, the beautiful nearby Abbey grounds where they could see swans on the lake, the pool, shopping for a new toy (only now and again as a treat). He, and they, absolutely loved the time they had together. Also, it gave me some precious ‘me’ time. He used to get them a snack while out, then come home for a late lunch with me. We often did something together in the afternoon, or the children played with friends. Sometimes, we took one or two of their friends with us on our trips out.
Sunday was flexible. We all decided what we wanted to do as a family, a walk, a trip to visit friends and family, anything really. We just concentrated on being together and enjoying ourselves. It was very relaxed and we all looked forward to our weekends.
When the girls were teenagers, he would take them clothes shopping. In fact, when the older daughter was looking for her wedding dress, she insisted her Dad helped her choose! They always said he had better taste than me!
i think all this was why the girls remained really close to their Dad, right up until his death five years ago, at the age of 81.

Your daughter can't be that tired after her trip to the playground, if she's got the energy to go out and play with her friends in the afternoon! I would make plans to go out as a family in the afternoon on either the Saturday or Sunday. Your daughter is then told 'sorry you can't play with your friends today, as we're going to X after lunch'. There's no reason why you all can't do things together at least one afternoon over the weekend. Unless you're saying, your daughter throws a wobbler if she can't do what she wants every weekend afternoon?! If that's the case, then you need to nip the behaviour in the bud, and put boundaries in place.

It sounds great to me, let's face it, this is not going to last, your daughter will outgrow it. Enjoy your lie in and do something for yourself on your own. Time to yourself is precious.

OP, you seem very passive.

Either get up and join them one day, or make plans for when they get back.

Erm get up then