Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

Oh dear!

@Doanythingtostartalloveragain, you’re complaining about something that probably 95% of MN would think of as the ideal start to the weekend - so I can’t imagine you’ll find much empathy here!

I also think it’s lovely. (Assuming your DH isn’t using parenting to mask some other nefarious activity - an affair, or meeting his dealer …) Why not leave them to it one day, and actively arrange something for the whole family on the other day?

They are having a great time, and both enjoy it .. you Daughter is then playing out - also a good thing.

What is it you would want to be doing instead? What does “family time” entail? Maybe do more of “your time” and things you enjoy. As your Daughter gets older she’ll be making more of her own choices, so you’ll need to get used to that.

Get up earlier then. You can’t expect them to wait around whilst you lounge around in bed.

Sounds like heaven to me too. Can't you join them at the playground a bit later once you're up?

And if you want to go out in the afternoon, tell them that's what you're doing. Your daughter doesn't have to play out with her friends every weekend, you tell her what your doing as a family.

Get up earlier one weekend day out of 8 and join them. Plan something for the day that means they don’t go out, but you have a great day out as a family. Do something family based in the evenings, board games, movie night etc.
Talk to your husband about how you feel and see what he thinks/suggests.

All of this is in your power to change , I don’t understand why you’re so passive.

Wow. Most women on mumsnet would commmit multiple murders to have a DH that did this. Enjoy your peace and plan a family afternoon out. Perhaps use the time to catch up on work, go to the gym or do a course? Kindly, it sound like you need a bit more going on for you at an individual level?

Why can't you join them at the playground a bit later? Or get up earlier?
And set your DD boundaries. 'Saturday afternoon you can play with your friends' 'Sunday afternoon we are going swimming as a family so please tell your friends you won't be available then.
It does sound a bit like you want it a specific way - you want to join them but they need to go at the time you want.

Wake up earlier, problem solved

Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone

The easy solution if for you to get up and go with them surely?

Join them half an hour later.

The early bird catches the worm...

My DH misses out on fun stuff with the kids as he never gets up early.

I used to do this most weekends, I was an early riser and the children were to, playground/cafe/market (lived in Europe), then back to make breakfast for Mummy. Worked really well (well divorced now, but....) It gave everyone the break/time needed to get ready for the weekend.

I get what people are saying, but the day is long and full of chances to do things together, individually and as a family - and most importantly lets not forget if you can get the little ones properly tired on a weekend, bed/bath time is much easier and the pair of you can then sit down with a nice meal together.

People are different, but most families are the same.

Sorry OP but you are lucky to think 8 is early. Both my kids went through a phase of waking up around 5 and nothing would work to get them back to sleep and they were too young to leave me alone. Set an alarm if you want to wake up earlier?

This is a nice thing for your daughter and husband to do and it is important that they get to bond one on one.

Surely the answer is that you tell your daughter that after lunch you’re all going to do XYZ together and she can’t go out to play with friends until later.

Just get up when you're ready and join them. Take coffee and croissants sounds like a perfect weekend morning.

I have voted YABU mainly for saying that 8 is really early, my kids get up any time from 6 every day,

yes me and DH take it in turns to get up at the weekend but I’m usually up by 8 then after my lie in

also plan something for the afternoon that involves going out, it doesn’t have to be expensive, even just a walk, if you want family time you need to proactively plan it and say ok DD you can play for an hour after lunch but then we are going to do X activity

Sounds great to me.

If you are not happy either get up earlier or meet them later on.

If you want to plan something then ask them not to go that day or tell your DD that she can’t play out with friends afterwards.

I don’t see the issue.

LOL 8!! I was expecting you to say 6am!!

Just get up like you would on a school morning if you're that bothered.

This is bizarre OP. If you aren’t happy with arrangements you need to take charge of your life and change it. Decide what you are going to do and do it. Get up and go with them. Tell the kids who call round your dd isn’t available to play as you have plans and you are going out.

I can’t imagine living such a passive existence that I allowed neighbourhood kids to dictate how I spent my weekend!

I'd get up and go with them on the Saturday and leave them to it on the Sunday so they are having time alone. I also wouldn't just be sitting round all day doing nothing, if I wanted to go do something and they are both happy chilling (or playing with friends for dd) make plans to meet up with a friend or family member for a coffee or lunch or something on the Sunday. Don't be a passenger in your own life, be proactive.

I don’t think you should get up earlier and join them. I think you should let them have this time to themselves. It’s a very good thing for both of them. I actually think it’s self-centred of you to begrudge it.

@Doanythingtostartalloveragain

So get up & go with them??

And/or plan something for later in the day?? She doesn't HAVE TO play outside with her friends every minute of the entire weekend, surely??

With the greatest of respect, you sound like you're whining & wallowing in self pity about a situation that you can completely change.

8 is not early! Get up and go with them, or follow on and join them a bit later if you want.
This really is a you issue.

If there is something really specific you want to do as a family instead then make those arrangements, get up at a sensible time (ie when THEY are ready earlier) and go.

think it’s a thing they want to do just them, it’s really early, about 8, if they waited a bit longer, just for me to have a coffee and get ready, we could all go

bless you OP, this made me spit my coffee out

you re lucky you don’t have an ADHD kid waking up at 5 deciding to wee in his bedroom 😣

my first coffee at weekends is at 9:30 if I’m lucky 😣

enjoy the paradise which I guarantee you it won’t last long 😜

How to make a problem out of nothing! Your DH sounds wonderful and your DD has lots of friends close by, how lucky you are. You've clearly made some great choices to be in this position so I'm sure you can overcome this dilemmma - which I do understand tbh.

Why not ear mark a certain number of weekend days each month for a family day out? And then enjoy having the others days to yourself but plan in advance what you might do, eg get jobs done, hobby, have a friend over etc.