Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

It’s literally the only helpful action the OP could take.

It would not take long for you to get up and have a coffee in order to go to the playground with them. It's not as if you need to dress up for it. Just get up half an hour earlier. I'm not sure why you're not doing that. Or are you expecting DH and DD to hang around waiting until you're ready? That would inconvenience two people instead of one. Much easier for you to put yourself out a bit, especially seeing as it's you that wants to go with them.

I fail to see how you have no family time if they go to the playground early and then she is playing with neighbours. Don't you have meals together (lunch and dinner)? for me that's having family time, to sit together around a meal and talk to each other.

You can also keep doing the same if your DD likes it but watch a film together cuddling in the sofa or play a couple of quick games at some point in the afternoon. Surely there is some time for something like this in the day, she can hardly be playing all day non stop.

Also, book a day out in advance every now and then and say 'we are going to the zoo on Saturday in two weeks', as much as she likes the playground, she is not going to complain if you book a nice activity, is she?

I don’t understand- you said they go to a cafe then the park. Why would you have to have a coffee before you go to a cafe?
If that is a deal breaker just get up 20 mins earlier and join them.

I’m saying this kindly but it sounds (from reading all your posts on this thread) like you are feeling quite down in general. Is this mindset causing you to create barriers which aren’t really there in real life? Or is the way you are feeling causing a general low atmosphere / mood in the house which your DH and DD are escaping?

What a weird comment! I think most of us have heard of this newfangled invention called 'the alarm clock'!

If you do start doing this again, get up earlier and don’t expect people to hang around waiting for you to have your coffee etc. I strongly suspect (and admittedly this is projection) that they got bored of waiting around for you in the mornings and decided they could actually do something with that time themselves. Then it’s evolved from there.

If you then start making arrangements for other things, don’t base them on your routine and still allow them some time. (That bit is advice and not projection)

@pizzaHeart I've read all OPs posts but don't recall her mentioning a car at all. Did I miss something? Either way, you don't need a car in order to be able to 'do something'.

Eh? It’s a very valid suggestion which op is totally in control of

As someone whose exDP lay in bed all morning and left me to it, I'd have loved this arrangement!

I'd crack on with the housework, washing etc while they're out, then have some weekends where I'd arrange to take dd to the cinema, farm, museum, bowling, shopping, etc etc in the afternoon.

no I just mean, I never used to use the alarm function and would sleep in lots. I just stopped doing it when the dc came because would get up lots. I missed meetings, catch ups, sometimes even late for work until DP bought me a new alarm clock from TKMAX for Xmas one year. Since then it’s been easy. Sometimes a problem seems impossible until someone points you in the right direction, and then once you look back you think - that was such an easy fix! I’m just trying to offer a positive solution. That’s all.

They do. But time with one parent is a really valuable and important thing.

She did several times. Look at her posts at 11.05 and 11.11.
A few people suggested to OP to go somewhere e.g shopping and that’s when she explained the car situation.

This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.
I think you’re the only person in the world missing work and important events because they don’t set an alarm… because it never occurred to them??

I don't get this.,.. do you speak with either of them?
For example, it's 7am you hear them getting up and ready. Go ask if they can wait 20 mins and you'll come with them?

Or, after lunch when friends come to play, say to your daughter 'ah sorry (name) I'd like to do something with you this afternoon so you can't play out today'.

Or have a word with them before the weekend and suggest a place you'd like to go and make a plan.

Why are you being so passive about all this?

When they are out at the park can't you call them and ask them to come get you?

Obvious solutions...

1. Get up and go with them
2. Arrange specific plans and actually communicate that with them e.g. next weekend shall we all go to X place?
3. Find a way to utilise and enjoy your alone time

Mix and match all the above.

If you’re that bothered get yourself out of bed and join them. Or just ask them to wait. Not really that difficult.

Get up a bit later and go join them

I see it's 3 miles away and you don't have a car, you could cycle? Otherwise as many have suggested, get up earlier one of the days.

Either get up earlier and go with them (and no 8 is not too early) - or organise some fun family activity that includes all of you and let them know in advance.

I think it’s a thing they want to do just them

Is this the real issue OP?

I think this is getting lost in the ''really early'' debate and the ''my first coffee isn't until........o clock'' competitive martyr mantra.

Going out before you get up avoids the awkward situation of trying to get out without you. For very specific reasons, I did things alone with my Dad that I never did (and preferred not to do) with my mother. She hated it but we never stopped and never would have.

@Subbyhubby Sorry - I think I perhaps I was showing my age? But I've never met anyone who hasn't used an alarm clock or an alarm on their phone. I actually didn't need one when I was working as my body seemed to have its own built in alarm, but I've relied on them for getting up in the middle of the night to get to airports on time, important meetings etc.i don't see how anyone could get through life without one!

I understand you feel they should wait for you, but they very obviously like being early birds.

If it’s upsetting you this much, you need to get up early and too.

It sounds great/ideal for your DD playing outside with her friends. I take it’s she’s an only child.

All round, what you already have would be my ideal Saturday.

@Doanythingtostartalloveragain There are loads of options here.
He does one morning with Dd you enjoy the peace then he sleeps so you are child care . You could at this point take Dd out alone (one of the days ) or once dh has a snooze you all go out together .
This could be cinema , meal , bowling .
This still leaves dd the other day to play and some of the afternoon.
Or you enjoy the Saturday morning peace and arrange something for 9/10am for a Sunday day out.

Where does dh go every weekend afternoon?

Get up at the same time as them.

Not really the only thing. OP could organise some time with her daughter or a family day out or an evening event instead of just every weekend sitting back and petting her daughter do things without her. She has the rest of the day with her DD but she isn’t bothering.

Not really sure what OP expects when she is not getting involved at all really. It’s bizarre.