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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have expected a response to a Welcome to Your New Home card

300 replies

Sassetta · 31/05/2025 16:28

New neighbours moved in a month ago. The first day we, their immediate neighbours, dropped in a welcome to your new home card. Response? Zero.

AIBU to think it’s basic civility to say, at some point, “thank you for your card, hello we’re so-and-so”?

It’s not as though I want to hang over the garden fence and pry into their lives. I just think that if someone gives you a card it’s polite to acknowledge it.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 31/05/2025 20:29

OMG could this be your neighbour?? haha https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5345740-to-have-expected-a-response-to-a-welcome-to-your-new-home-card edit oops wrong thread

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:31

The other thread is much scarier than a card though and even intrusiver

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:31

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 20:23

There’s a current thread right now along those lines….!

Blimey. Shock So there is! It mirrors this one quite well!!! THIS other thread sounds a bit like it's written by one of the OP's neighbours! (Maybe not the one who is the subject of this thread, but one of the other neighbours!) 😱

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5345847-new-neighbour-is-too-much-what-to-do

New neighbour is too much. What to do? | Mumsnet

Moved in 48 hours ago. Knock on the door within 10 minutes of arriving with the first load of boxes. Neighbour said (something along the lines of)...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5345847-new-neighbour-is-too-much-what-to-do

PassingStranger · 31/05/2025 20:31

A lovely thing that you did. Don't overthink it though.

BrickBiscuit · 31/05/2025 20:33

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:29

@BrickBiscuit throw the wine away and recycle the bottles, done!

But that violates the clause in my previous post, which you may not have seen, about avoiding waste.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:33

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:31

The other thread is much scarier than a card though and even intrusiver

Could be another neighbour of the OP though! Shock The one who is the subject of this thread has not engaged with the OP. But maybe the one in that other thread did!!!

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:35

PoopingAllTheWay · 31/05/2025 20:23

🍍

😂

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:36

BrickBiscuit · 31/05/2025 20:33

But that violates the clause in my previous post, which you may not have seen, about avoiding waste.

I don't know, can wine be used to clean with or something? Has to be some sort of use for the stuff besides drinking it. Also you can say you don't want it at the time. I've started doing this. Does save the clutter thing (also a hoarder but my hoard is winning :( )

godmum56 · 31/05/2025 20:40

Upsetbetty · 31/05/2025 20:22

House to house in Christmas Day! No way would I let that happen! 🤣🤣

yeah we didn't....funnily enough after we didn't do it the first year, it quickly stopped altogether.

Headingforholidays · 31/05/2025 20:42

faerietales · 31/05/2025 18:07

I've honestly never had anyone knock on the door to introduce themselves before.

My neighbours brought a card and a bottle of champagne when we moved in to our house. They don't even live next to us anymore but we are still in touch 12 years later....

SP2024 · 31/05/2025 21:01

Who are all these people saying a card is intrusive??? Blimey! We got lots of cards when we moved in and people popping over to say hi. None of it was intrusive, none of my neighbours harass us or overly involve themselves in our lives. It was lovely to receive cards and the card was helpful to remember names. It’s rude to not even say hi,

BunnyLake · 31/05/2025 21:07

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:03

Re wine, how do you know they aren't recovering alcoholics?

My ex is a recovering alcoholic and that was my thought. The last thing he’d need.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/05/2025 21:19

I'd find it odd if the new neighbour never acknowledged it or said Hi/introduced themselves. In the short term I'd figure they were busy, though. I might secretly wonder if I identified who I was, though and that the new neighbour didn't know who to thank....😂

WeylandYutani · 31/05/2025 21:21

BunnyLake · 31/05/2025 21:07

My ex is a recovering alcoholic and that was my thought. The last thing he’d need.

Lots of muslims where I live too.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 21:27

SP2024 · 31/05/2025 21:01

Who are all these people saying a card is intrusive??? Blimey! We got lots of cards when we moved in and people popping over to say hi. None of it was intrusive, none of my neighbours harass us or overly involve themselves in our lives. It was lovely to receive cards and the card was helpful to remember names. It’s rude to not even say hi,

How lovely for you that your neighbours are so amazing and kind and you enjoyed the interactions from them randomly 'popping in' to say 'hi.'"

"None of it was intrusive"

FOR YOU.

Hmmm, it's almost like everyone is different!

No-one owes anyone an interaction, a thank you for anything, or a friendship. I know that seems alien to the popper inners and the card senders and the social butterflies, but not EVERYONE wants to interact with their neighbours. Like not everyone wants to socialise with work colleagues.

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 21:31

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 21:27

How lovely for you that your neighbours are so amazing and kind and you enjoyed the interactions from them randomly 'popping in' to say 'hi.'"

"None of it was intrusive"

FOR YOU.

Hmmm, it's almost like everyone is different!

No-one owes anyone an interaction, a thank you for anything, or a friendship. I know that seems alien to the popper inners and the card senders and the social butterflies, but not EVERYONE wants to interact with their neighbours. Like not everyone wants to socialise with work colleagues.

Hallebloodylujah. Nail. On. Head.

gillefc82 · 31/05/2025 21:35

DH and I moved into our house (3 bed semi in a North Western town) early December 2014.

On moving day:

the lady who sold us the house had left a bottle of fizz and a card to welcome us. Naturally, I reached out to her the following day to thank her and wish her the best with her new home

the NDNs that aren’t attached made the effort to come out the front, say hello, introduce themselves and even offered to make us a cuppa given our kettle and cups were all boxed up. It was a lovely gesture and much appreciated.

the attached neighbour….not a bean, even though she was in and at one point was out the front on her driveway, washing her car.

Even the neighbours who live in the house the other side of attached NDN made the effort to post a Christmas card a week or two later welcoming us to the street - a gesture that was obviously reciprocated, as that’s just good manners.

To be honest, this has been the least of our issues with attached NDN over the 10 years we’ve lived here (that would be a thread in its own right), so I can’t consider the lack of greeting on moving day as a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Whenever we moved house when I was a kid, my Mum not only made sure the entire house was left spotless (sadly something that apparently nowadays can’t be expected as a given) but also always left a small gift and a card to welcome the new occupants. Sadly I think small gestures like this are becoming a rarity.

@Sassetta I’d chalk this one down to a difference in values between you and your buyers but don’t let this put you off from making such nice gestures in the future - there are still some people who do appreciate the effort and sentiment behind them.

Edited: spelling.

TwistedWonder · 31/05/2025 21:39

I’d find it really bizarre that a person I’ve never met before decided to send a card. And I’ll be honest I doubt I’d even open it

But then I’m a Londoner so we don’t even say hello to neighbours we’ve lived in same street as for decades.

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 21:48

TwistedWonder · 31/05/2025 21:39

I’d find it really bizarre that a person I’ve never met before decided to send a card. And I’ll be honest I doubt I’d even open it

But then I’m a Londoner so we don’t even say hello to neighbours we’ve lived in same street as for decades.

That would suit me perfectly.

BunnyLake · 31/05/2025 22:31

faerietales · 31/05/2025 18:11

See, it would just never occur to me to do something like that. I don't even notice my neighbours 99% of the time - I honestly doubt I'd even realise they'd moved in/out in most cases!

Well it wouldn’t occur to me either but she wasn’t English, I can’t remember her nationality. But I’m glad she did as she became my only friend there. I didn’t speak the language, had two very young children so my social options were pretty much zero. Had she not done it I most likely would never have spoken to her (my road curved and she lived down the curve), I probably would never have registered her as a neighbour to befriend.

BunnyLake · 31/05/2025 22:33

I’m beginning to think the English make the Finnish look sociable 😁

StrawberrySquash · 31/05/2025 22:40

LightCameraBitchSmile · 31/05/2025 17:04

These responses are mad. It’s completely normal to pop round to your new neighbours to introduce yourself and say thank you for the card!

The horror! Our new neighbours might want to be friendly with us.

Although maybe the new people are Mr Bingley and his sisters in which case they'd be wise to be cautious.

hazelowens · 31/05/2025 22:45

AlmostThereLazy · 31/05/2025 16:36

I moved house once because of extreme harassment from my neighbours. When we moved my new neighbours brought wine and a card on the first night and it completely overwhelmed me as I didn’t want a relationship with my neighbours. Whether that was rational or not I don’t know but I definitely didn’t. We did get to know one another over the years, in a more natural way. It was too much too soon for me.

I totally get that I had 15yrs back to back of bad neighbours, noise, if the kids were playing they would shout them to shut up it was horrendous. We have lived here 8 yrs now and if I ever move I want to bring my neighbours with me. One is an older lady that I told her if my kids made a noise to let me know as her bedroom was under the 2 younger boys bedrooms and I know they made noise and she said it didn't bother her as they were happy. My other neighbour is never in and when he is we hear nothing.

I wouldn't expect them to come and say thank you straight away, let them get settled in first.

Beautifulweeds · 31/05/2025 22:57

We would've love a welcome card and responded. Moved from a very close loving cul de sac where we were all good friends to a semi and neighbours aren't interested at all at developing a friendship.

We've bumped into them a few times and invited their child, same age as ours, just casually around for his birthday.

The same, no interest, so we've just accepted this is the way it is to be. We have more than enough of our own family and friends and not desperate to make new friends, it was just to be courteous and say it would be nice to have some contact I guess.

Just so strange that you live somewhere and not know anyone else, so different from our last home. I can now understand how so many can feel isolated, could never be a case in our last home, everyone looked out for each other. Xx

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/05/2025 23:24

It's one thing posting a welcome card, but expecting the neighbour to come round or send a thank you card is BU.

You don't give to receive, and to be so put out, you start a thread on it, shows your intentions weren't genuine.

I've learnt to stay away from people who jump straight in. Most would wait to get to know the neighbour, but those who want to force interactions are usually bad news.

Bet if it was a single man/young person OP wouldn't be bothered.

It's because it's a woman she could befriend for favours.