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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have expected a response to a Welcome to Your New Home card

302 replies

Sassetta · 31/05/2025 16:28

New neighbours moved in a month ago. The first day we, their immediate neighbours, dropped in a welcome to your new home card. Response? Zero.

AIBU to think it’s basic civility to say, at some point, “thank you for your card, hello we’re so-and-so”?

It’s not as though I want to hang over the garden fence and pry into their lives. I just think that if someone gives you a card it’s polite to acknowledge it.

OP posts:
BrickBiscuit · 31/05/2025 20:02

BeakyFlinders · 31/05/2025 19:59

I wouldn’t expect a thank you for a new home card. It’s always busy. It would be nice if they introduced themselves but I wouldn’t let it colour your view of them at this stage. We’ve had new neighbours on both sides since we moved in. I dropped a card and a bottle of Prosecco into each, just to say hello and introduce myself as a friendly person. I put my mobile number in the card in case they need anything (rural Wales here!). We’ve never socialised with them since, we just wave. I just regard it a setting the basis of a positive relationship, I wouldn’t expect much in response.

Further to my earlier post about having to store and eventually get rid of unwanted wine without risking the donor’s circle finding out or causing waste, half my current stash of unwelcome clutter is prosecco.

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:03

Re wine, how do you know they aren't recovering alcoholics?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:04

YABU @Sassetta for all the reasons that people are giving on here. I really do NOT want to be friends with neighbours. I have been in the past, and it didn't end well, and I prefer to keep my distance from people. Just say hello when I see them, say 'nice weather isn't it?' and then move on.

If someone was posting 'new home' cards through my door and then getting pissy because I didn't go around and thank them for it, I would be really pissed off. You don't give something to someone and then complain that they didn't thank you for it. Kind of negates the 'good deed' of giving, because it looks like you are only giving to get some kind of praise for it.

Have you berated said 'new neighbour' to other people? (I bet you have!!!)

I am willing to bet that the new neighbour doesn't want to be friends with you, or even be sociable in any way. And that is fine. Their choice. I know a number of people in my village who were pally/chummy/BFFs, with their neighbours, for several years, and it was all OK, til it went wrong, and they ended up as neighbours at war.

In many cases, one had to move away, as it became untenable for them to stay.

As some posters have said, it is a reasonably nice gesture, (giving a new home card!) but people are entitled to not want it/not like it. Not everyone is the same. Some people might think if they seek you out to thank you, that you will expect them to come into your house for coffee, and then expect them to ask you around, and will want to be all chummy and pally. 😖

Some people just don't always like 'nice gestures'. Like when I am walking towards a doorway (but say, 30 feet away from it,) and someone holds the door open for me, I hate it, because I feel like I have to rush as they're bloody waiting there. I also hate someone saying 'after you' when we are walking fairly close together and the path narrows and it's single file, because I don't need to be told I can go before you, I was going in front anyway. I don't need your permission.

Also, when me and DH were out with some of his colleagues some months back, one woman kept trying to buy us drinks .. She DID buy us drinks actually - 3 each. Even though we turned down 2. But she refused to take a single drink back. I felt offended by it, because I thought 'is our money not good enough for you? and 'do you think we're poor and can't afford to buy you a glass of fucking white wine?! Confused

.

godmum56 · 31/05/2025 20:05

many many years ago when we moved into our first house, we were given some excellent advice by a lady who lived over the road. She said take your time getting to know the neighbours and making friends. Wait until you know them. When we moved here, one of the first things one lot of neighbours told us was that they had a tradition of going from house to house on christmas day for drinks and snacks. If someone was moving in next to me, I'd go out and say hi if I saw them but i wouldn't do a card or expect a response....and I make cards!

Lairymary · 31/05/2025 20:09

Op's the sort to send a thank you card for receiving a thank you card.

CremeEggThief · 31/05/2025 20:10

Lairymary · 31/05/2025 20:09

Op's the sort to send a thank you card for receiving a thank you card.

What's wrong with that? Better than being a rude twat and not acknowledging someone's kindness and thoughtfulness!

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 31/05/2025 20:12

We recently moved to a very friendly street and there were a couple of welcome cards so don’t think that’s weird at all, but I think you should introduce yourself if you want to, not drop a card round then take offence that the new neighbour hasn’t been round to say hello.

Also, not everyone is interested in participating in community life. Some people are introverts who just want to drive home and go into their house. They don’t owe you anything.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 31/05/2025 20:13

BrickBiscuit · 31/05/2025 20:02

Further to my earlier post about having to store and eventually get rid of unwanted wine without risking the donor’s circle finding out or causing waste, half my current stash of unwelcome clutter is prosecco.

Please send it here I’ll pay postage 😁

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:13

CremeEggThief · 31/05/2025 20:10

What's wrong with that? Better than being a rude twat and not acknowledging someone's kindness and thoughtfulness!

God forbid some people have busy lives, jobs, children, and commitments, and are frazzled after moving house! Got to make sure you send a heartfelt, lengthy, 500 word thank you letter to your neighbour for the truly amazing 59p card they sent. 🙄

Lairymary · 31/05/2025 20:13

CremeEggThief · 31/05/2025 20:10

What's wrong with that? Better than being a rude twat and not acknowledging someone's kindness and thoughtfulness!

Do you send a thank you card when you recieve a thank you card? 🥴

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:14

Lairymary · 31/05/2025 20:13

Do you send a thank you card when you recieve a thank you card? 🥴

😂

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:16

CremeEggThief · 31/05/2025 19:59

YANBU but don't lose any sleep over it and don't bother doing anything other than a polite nod or wave in public in future, because ungrateful twats like them don't deserve your kindness.

Good grief! 😂

brunettemic · 31/05/2025 20:16

How have the conversations you’ve had with them since they’ve moved in? Or have you not had any? Your post heavily implies you’ve not spoken them so how exactly are you expecting this outpouring of gratitude to take place…you can’t seriously be that person expecting them to knock to say it?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:21

ChampagneLassie · 31/05/2025 19:58

My sister baked cookies and went round to her new neighbour. Man answered she hated away, he said not a word, took the cookies and shut door in her face! A few hours later his wife knocked being effusively grateful. Seemed her husband was completely socially inept.,

Does your sister live in Wisteria Lane? Or is she Monica Geller?

I would be hugely creeped out by someone baking cookies and bringing them around to me if I had just moved in to somewhere new. Probably suggest doing a car share next, and having dinner at theirs the following weekend. ARRGGH! NIGHTMARE!!!!! 😖

Clearly we are all different!

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:21

CremeEggThief · 31/05/2025 20:10

What's wrong with that? Better than being a rude twat and not acknowledging someone's kindness and thoughtfulness!

That is up to them and they don't need to be responded to. They can think what they like about it.

Upsetbetty · 31/05/2025 20:22

godmum56 · 31/05/2025 20:05

many many years ago when we moved into our first house, we were given some excellent advice by a lady who lived over the road. She said take your time getting to know the neighbours and making friends. Wait until you know them. When we moved here, one of the first things one lot of neighbours told us was that they had a tradition of going from house to house on christmas day for drinks and snacks. If someone was moving in next to me, I'd go out and say hi if I saw them but i wouldn't do a card or expect a response....and I make cards!

House to house in Christmas Day! No way would I let that happen! 🤣🤣

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:22

brunettemic · 31/05/2025 20:16

How have the conversations you’ve had with them since they’ve moved in? Or have you not had any? Your post heavily implies you’ve not spoken them so how exactly are you expecting this outpouring of gratitude to take place…you can’t seriously be that person expecting them to knock to say it?

I think the OP is expecting said new neighbour to pop round and thank her. 😬

She clearly wants a relationship that the new neighbour does not want!

PoopingAllTheWay · 31/05/2025 20:23

🍍

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 20:23

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:22

I think the OP is expecting said new neighbour to pop round and thank her. 😬

She clearly wants a relationship that the new neighbour does not want!

There’s a current thread right now along those lines….!

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 20:25

lifeonmars100 · 31/05/2025 19:15

my latest set of neighbours broke into my back yard, took my wheelie bin and filled it up with their rubbish...

I hope you went round to thank them.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 31/05/2025 20:26

PoopingAllTheWay · 31/05/2025 20:23

🍍

Swingers? 🤔

BrickBiscuit · 31/05/2025 20:28

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 31/05/2025 20:13

Please send it here I’ll pay postage 😁

But what if we are neighbours and haven’t realised? After all, our usernames are incognito. What if you gifted me one of the proseccos years ago, and now you’re paying to get it back? It would be absolutely mortifying. Or if I’ve stored them wrongly and they’ve gone bad? It’s a social nightmare. Can’t you pop round with a card and ask another neighbour for a couple of bottles?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 31/05/2025 20:28

Slatterndisgrace · 31/05/2025 20:25

I hope you went round to thank them.

😆

TroysMammy · 31/05/2025 20:28

I took a card and a bag of tomatoes around to my new neighbour. Only because when he was viewing the house I was in my garden. The landlord complimented me on the vegetables and asked if I sold them. I said no I just share them with neighbours. The prospective tenant piped up "I'm going to be your new neighbour". Before anyone says that's creepy, no it wasn't.

chaosmaker · 31/05/2025 20:29

@BrickBiscuit throw the wine away and recycle the bottles, done!