To have expected a response to a Welcome to Your New Home card

[Sassetta]

New neighbours moved in a month ago. The first day we, their immediate neighbours, dropped in a welcome to your new home card. Response? Zero.

AIBU to think it’s basic civility to say, at some point, “thank you for your card, hello we’re so-and-so”?

It’s not as though I want to hang over the garden fence and pry into their lives. I just think that if someone gives you a card it’s polite to acknowledge it.

I have already said, I wouldn't expect a thank you for it (either verbally or a card).

The fact you'd find a card intrusive is ridiculous, so actually, I do think it's something you should get help for.

Another oddball view, presented before us just in case anyone thought they didn't walk among us! 😂

It was a nice thought so I would have left it at that, I don't do something for someome if I am going to expect a specific reaction from them

Exactly this. I wouldn’t find it weird or intrusive as some have suggested, but I would probably think “I must remember it’s the couple at No. 23 who put the card through the door if I see them”. I wouldn’t take it as a cue to turn up on the doorstep.

I imagine your new neighbours are cowering behind the door, terrified that you might ring the doorbell.
We used to call people like these oddballs and, in my considerable experience, it's still the best term.

You’ve got a very vivid imagination. OP is probably barely on their radar.

As for dismissing everyone who doesn’t do things your way as “oddballs”, that’s exactly the kind of thinking that would make people avoid you.

Perhaps the new neighbours could have send a card back "Thank you for sending a welcome card". Then the OP would have to send one back "Thank you for thanking us for sending a welcome card." Then the neighbours could send "Thank you for thanking us for thanking you for sending a welcome card." 🤔

Maybe they don’t want to get involved with their neighbours. You chose to send them a card, it shouldn’t come with any obligation for them to do anything. They are no one to you, you just happen to live by them. They are probably getting on with unpacking, decorating and living their life.

She gave them a card, not a kidney.

We had new neighbours move in near us and they gave us a hamper. Which was weird and tbh quite overwhelming

When we moved our new neighbours popped round with a casserole so we didn’t have to cook. At least I was able to say Thankyou on the spot and I resisted the temptation to tell them we were vegetarian. I had to wait for them to go so I could hide it outside ( because we don’t have meat in the house )

Everyone is different I suppose but I wouldn’t expect anything back if I gave a card.
The problem OP is that stressy people like myself would worry that I should invite you round asap for tea or something and I wouldn’t want to do that. Not to a stranger. So then I’d feel awkward and before I can even start enjoying my new house I’m already stressed about the neighbours.

I've never done that in my life! I introduce myself if I meet them in their gardens, but going door to door to introduce myself is something I've never even thought of doing. If someone gave me a card (once again something I've never seen) I would probably thank them the next time I saw them.

No, I wouldn't expect a response as would expect them to be really busy moving in, tired, and probably don't want to initiate a conversation with strangers on their first day of moving in. If it was me, I'd want wine and pyjamas, and no interruptions from the outside world.

When I do a future move it will be because my kids have permanently moved out, so I would love nothing more than a set up where all the neighbours are friendly and pop in and out of each other’s houses. It was easy to set up that kind of arrangement with school gate mums but that fades away once kids are at seniors. As an older person now, making new friends is more difficult so my fear would be living alone and no neighbour friends. I’m an introvert but I also like and need having friends. If I got a welcome card from the neighbours (and they didn’t seem weird) I would be thrilled because it would give the impression they are open to being friendly.

@BunnyLake or it might be that they want to hold it over you forever in the hope of eternal thanks and subjugation to their 'kindness'.

I hope not. I think you can suss out fairly quickly if a neighbour is someone you’d get along with and if not you can distance yourself early on. If they were intrusive my dog’s bark would be enough to put them off (she’s a soppy sweetheart really but they don’t need to know that).

It doesn't seem oddball to me. Everyone I'd different.

It’s oddball to not see that people have different responses, and that if you don’t know them you can’t predict theirs. We’ve had posts about wine given to recovering alcoholics, meat to vegetarians, and interactions foisted on people who want to keep to themselves.

Thanks for your responses. I can’t agree that by sending one card means I’d be expecting an endless cycle of cards, or that a welcome card is in itself intrusive. It was a simple gesture.

Nothing to do with any other thread about intrusive neighbours. We’re quiet people, not at all neighbourzillas.

And yet you're the one calling autistic people names because they don't respond in a way you've made up as polite in your head.

It's not sending the card that's the issue, it's waiting around expecting a thank you, determining it's overdue and starting a thread about it.

You don't know their circumstances.

They may yet say thank you, or lost the card amongst all the unpacking.

Even if they don't, you don't give to receive, wish them well and carry on with your life.

If the card was just a gesture, then why did you expect a response within a certain time frame?

It's not sending the card that's the issue, it's waiting around expecting a thank you, determining it's overdue and starting a thread about it.

Yes, exactly. As they say, "it's not that deep".

You sent a card which is a lovely thought, but it shouldn't come with unspoken expectations that they have to respond within a set time-frame in order to be considered "polite".

I suppose you're propping up the card industry, @Sassetta but not helping nature in doing so. Depends how deeply you want to look at it really.

I think it was a lovely gesture OP. I would hope when they pass you or get to talk to you they will thank you, at least they should do. I understand why they didn't call round for a chat. Many people are shy about this and some are afraid of getting too tight with neighbours so maybe a casual meet sometime is more suitable.

Your comment is the only oddball one here. Unable to see other people’s perspective.

Don't do something that someone hasn't asked for and possibly don't want, then expect a thanks for it.