To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

[MonTuesWeds]

Just that really. I feel like I came of age in a time when we were encouraged to believe that someone's 'intimate preferences' were just that, and that they were completely isolated from that persons wider self and personality. I just don't think that's true though. I suppose I'm wondering two things here, firstly if IABU I'm thinking this now but secondly - am I the only one who has felt the pressure not to judge someone on what 'they're into' providing it was always fully consensual.

i agree. There’s lots of things that can just make you a creepy, nasty weirdo that doesn’t stop when you’re at your day job even if you pretend it does.

Having kinks doesn't make you creepy or nasty

Presuming this is about kinks anyway

No, what you do in private doesn't dictate what kind of person you are.

You mean, if you like to submit in bed, are you in fact a cringing, put-upon type who can’t say boo to a goose in RL?

I can of don’t agree with you. If you enjoy peeing on sexual partners, that is a part of your character as much as being rude to service staff.

I think there is a massive difference between being a paedophile or having a shoe fetish. One I don't think is left in the bedroom whereas the other shouldn't affect at all how others view you. But can't quite tell what type of "predilection" you're meaning

So if someone gets off on hurting someone, it doesn't affect their broader character? There way that speaks to some kind of sickness in their soul (for want of a better term). If you really believe this can you explain why? Why is this aspect so segregated from the rest of the person? Surely it doesn't linger there in isolation

Some do. Eg age play

Utter nonsense. But do go on OP - give us a run down on your sexual interests. How do they reflect on you as a person? Are you superior because you only enjoy missionary sex with the lights off?

No - I'm not suggesting that it's predictive of any specific traits in their 'public' persona. It could be, but that's not really my argument.

Defensive!

Well you brought it up.

Do tell. What sexual positions do you enjoy and how do you think they reflect on you as a person?

Of course it does. Most rapists, paedophiles and abusers don’t do it in public.
how you act at home behind closed doors absolutely dictates what kind of person you are and sex doesn’t start or end in the bedroom.

I agree with op. As it seems do the majority, touchy subject for you?

Am I right in thinking kinks is a predominantly male thing?

Op clearly isn’t talking about sexual positions.

There’s obviously a difference between liking sex in the shower or from behind and wanting your partner in a nappy or to choke them.

Interesting thread. What pressure do you feel you're under to speculate? Are you saying there's a correlation between liking 'kinky' sex and going out and acting out those fantasies on a complete stranger?

I think you cannot choose what turns you on. I have known many "kinky" people and plenty of them felt guilt and shame at what they liked sexually. Although they did it consensually they still struggled with the desires because of the fear that they would be judged just as you are judging OP. And I can speak from personal and practical experience - some of the nicest people I've known have sexual predilections that would make you blush.

Then I’m not sure what your argument is — you said above that getting off on hurting someone in bed suggests a broader ‘sickness in their soul’? How is that different to someone who likes to submit in bed being a timid or submissive type in their daily life?

I am not - I am saying that if men get thrills from degrading women, or indeed being degraded - that this trait surely must bleed into or manifest in other ways. That they can't otherwise be a good guy

I have first hand experience of professor at an esteemed university. He enjoyed a fantasy of being spoken to like a baby, in bed; that's how he ejaculated. No penetration involved. I doubt he would behave like this at the lectern.

I just feel like if OP is making a value judgement on people's private activities, maybe she should reflect on it herself? I would just like to hear from the OP how to have a righteous and wholesome sex life.

I'm not so sure someone's private sexual preferences reflect in their character BUT if you know about what they do in private then that is most certainly reflection of their character.

Anyone who wants to tell all and sundry about their kinks is trying to push boundaries and getting off on telling you. This also goes for anything 'pride' related - who you sleep with is normal conversation, what you do is not.

Hmmmm...food for thought. Have you tried reading up on relevant psychology text? Criminal psychology as a starting point.

Prudishness is so limiting

Of course it does. What you do in private is a better window into who you are than what you do in public. Who you are and what you're like is made up of all the things you do....there isn't a free pass for things done at home!