To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

[MonTuesWeds]

Just that really. I feel like I came of age in a time when we were encouraged to believe that someone's 'intimate preferences' were just that, and that they were completely isolated from that persons wider self and personality. I just don't think that's true though. I suppose I'm wondering two things here, firstly if IABU I'm thinking this now but secondly - am I the only one who has felt the pressure not to judge someone on what 'they're into' providing it was always fully consensual.

Of course they do - men who are aroused by strangling women are not nice men for example

😂 😂 Strangling, I’m sure you’ll find it’s more choking , & not aggressively, & the woman has asked for him to do it ..
Can’t see many just lying there to be strangled some how 😂 😂

Given that women have died when the line between choking and strangling has been crossed, it's a strange thing to be crying laughing about.

I’m saying in general , play sex , choking & all that with every day couples . Doesn’t mean the guy is not a nice guy !
You’re talking extreme & rare cases ..

You’re entitled to your own boundaries and preferences, but calling women who enjoy oral sex “insecure” or accusing them of “perpetuating the patriarchy” is insulting, reductive, and frankly, misogynistic. Sexual acts aren’t inherently degrading—it’s the attitude behind them that matters. What’s degrading is the idea that women can't make empowered choices about their own sexuality without being pathologized.
Just because something isn't for you doesn’t mean it’s wrong or shameful for others. If you really care about dismantling the patriarchy, try starting by not judging other women for what they choose to do with their own bodies.

If that's what OP means, it's a laughable take.

Unfortunately, I don't think women being choked against their will or to death is as rare as we might hope. Certainly, not rare enough for it to be something so funny it makes you cry laughing. That's probably something you should address with someone!

Sense of humour also tells us a lot about people.

Even with this opinion, I think you have to acknowledge that choking has gone wrong many times, and women have been strangled whilst having sex. Your laughing emojis are in poor taste.

You do know PP , you are going way off topic here ..
Who is saying against someone’s will !
You stated that men who like to strangle women are not nice men , but the whole topic is what people are into in the bedroom consensually .. Op thinking it’s a reflection of a person’s personality what they are into sexually..
Clearly, you joined the chat later than everyone else ..

Yes , you are right ..
I should have thought of that before I posted ..
Sadly , that occurs too ..
When things are taken too far ..
I just meant normally , that’s all …

I'm sorry that the dripping sarcasm of my post wasn't obvious. I absolutely agree with what you said. I don't really or actually judge/think ill women who do it, or I'd think ill of nearly everyone - it's very common!

Glad that you agree that it's nobodies business but the person who's doing it. I like hitting and being hit, I like being called names and calling other people names. Plus a lot of other things that would make people on here squirm. It's not inherently degrading. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person, or that any of the lovely men I've met who like to hit me are bad people.

Again, I was being very sarcastic to make a point and think I've made it.

Oh thank goodness @FruityCider I can stop raging now.
The sarcasm went right over my head. Apparently I need it to slap me in the face before I notice it!

Why do you "talk about it a lot" ? to your friends? I think that's what a few pps were talking about getting off on talking about your kinks

Look at all the lads in here, desperate to discuss what gets them hard and why that's okay.

Bring back kink-shaming.

So I kind of agree with you op but in reverse kind of, I think some people can have sone kinks that don't connect to their personality. I also think thing's like s&m and other more extreme kinks stem from the person's personality.

Am I right in thinking kinks is a predominantly male thing?

No.

OP, I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time on here and I feel like people are being obtuse.

I agree that if a man is aroused by hurting women during sex, this reflects very poorly on his character. I think this of any type of sadism.
i also think if someone is aroused by being humiliated, this says something about their self esteem for example.

i think this is true of all forms of sado masochism.

Hmm I disagree. A man who might be into kink but communicates it to a willing partner, takes precautions to make sure everyone is safe and seeks enthusiastic consent, and if both partners enjoy it. That is a “good” person regardless of what you think of their personal sexual choices and how unsavoury you might find them.

a man who has a kink, who coerces an unwilling partner into it. Doesn’t listen to their wants and only does what he pleases, doesn’t stop immediately if they aren’t enthusiastic or show reluctance, is unconcerned with their pleaseure. That’s not a “good” person. It’s not about the act itself, it’s about how it’s carried out.

As limiting as being a slave to your basest insticts?

How can you make sure everyone is "safe"? Why do we assume there is no deep emotional impact to "consenting" to certain activities? Or that "consenting" is a symptom of something.

Well you could say the same thing about more “vanilla” sex, could you not?

As I said, I just think you're stacking your case massively so that no one can disagree, making it so black and white basic when many people are trying to say it's a grey area with lots of complexities. You might as well say it's deplorable if two consenting adults enjoy acting out being Fred and Rose West abusing and murdering their kids, and most of us would probably have to nod along and say yes indeed @MonTuesWeds that is indeed grim. But that's not what the vast, vast majority of the kink under discussion is and you're lumping it together. To the extent than someone who doesn't agree with you looks 'very questionable'. In short, you're never gonna get it so it's kind of pointless to go on debating.

I'm not sure what you mean exactly. But if you mean what I think you mean then I'd agree

What I said was that it is very questionable to insist that any activity between consenting adults is fine. I'm saying it's not. I get your point about pitting two extremes against one another but that's not what those comments were in response to. I was challenging the posters notion that "anything goes" - I don't think it does. It's up to them then, having posed that question to offer some counter. It's certainly pointless to debate with people who are hell bent on misrepresenting and distorting what I say. But I think my impression of this thread is that there are some very defensive responses out there.

All I'll say is that I stand by my position that if someone feels they want to get off on doing horrible things to others or indeed having them done to themselves - that in an ideal world they would find the strength to resist that and be better. We don't have to indulge in every whim that pops into our head, and if it involves doing unpleasant things - perhaps that needs to be confronted and interrogated. As it does indicate a malformation in someone's character. And I say this as someone full of flaws.

Perhaps I'm being daft, but the only people whose sexual predictions we know are out own and our current and former partners. Perhaps we hear in a criminal trial of these of the accused. We might talk about some aspects with very good friends , but a limited audience.

"A pound of your finest apples, and by the way do you like dressing up in latex and being whipped?"

Thi king more seriously I think we have a series of standards or levels.
A. What we do regularly.
B. What we do sometimes, but not everyone
C. What we or partner might suggest that we would be happy to try
D. No thank you, not my scene
E. Eeewww you sick sicko, get out of my house!

For some d and e might be interchangeable.

As mentioned earlier - Cynthia Payne's clients for humiliation included a lot of senior patriarchal types, in charge, in dominant positions in their careers who liked to submit. The cliche of the English public schoolboy enjoying being beaten too.

Good luck proving the hypothesis.