To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

[MonTuesWeds]

Just that really. I feel like I came of age in a time when we were encouraged to believe that someone's 'intimate preferences' were just that, and that they were completely isolated from that persons wider self and personality. I just don't think that's true though. I suppose I'm wondering two things here, firstly if IABU I'm thinking this now but secondly - am I the only one who has felt the pressure not to judge someone on what 'they're into' providing it was always fully consensual.

Except that isn’t what I’ve said at all is it?

I said very specifically that I consider someone who consents to pretending to be a baby during sex vulnerable.

Not everyone who enjoys submissive sex. Because I don’t think that.

(BTW men can and do die during non kinky sex... maybe you should all stop sleeping with your DH when they reach about 55 to protect them)

@HuffleMyPuffle

If your son or daughter was, as an adult, dating someone and they confided in you that that person had asked if they would consent to pretending to be a toddler during sex, and they asked you if it was a red flag at all… you’d say “no, I don’t think you shouldn’t judge people on their kinks and that’s just a kink”?

You would honestly not find it troubling when you thought about it in a real world situation like that?

Yes, choking - something that has no safe way to do is exactly the same as having sex with over 55 year old men.

For the final time, I agree with the first message from OP that yes, some sexual predictions do reflect broader character - something I’m getting very much from you Huffle and your absolute refusal to acknowledge that a sexual practice, no matter how disturbing, could ever be creepy if it’s consensual. That says more about you than you will ever know.

Nothing wrong with oral sex!

I'm very unconvinced by this "need" rhetoric around sex, like it's some human right. It's not. Nobody owes anyone anything no matter how much they may feel they "need" it.

I'm also unconvinced that sex can only be about fun. If it was then we wouldn't hold monogamy in such high regard. It is something else, and as such whenever it's described as just fun, there's usually some more complicated feelings involved.

You're right one night stands aren't about love and affection, they're a transient and sterile encounter - which can create new life which usually ends in tragedy. The itch that one night stands scratch are simply not worth it, they're very very bad for the soul.

My agenda is not to shame people, that wasn't what I thought you were even getting at. I don't want people to feel ashamed, I'd rather they loved themselves and others enough not to participate in some of these things but I'm not here with the intention of upsetting anyone. Also - I genuinely would have thought people heading down these roads were impervious to shame. Shame isn't a thing anymore. I guess what I was thinking when I posted was something more along the lines of feel empowered to not have to feel like it's abnormal to want sex to be about love.

I’ve had casual sex with tonnes of people and never caught feelings for them

Exactly!

I'm also unconvinced that sex can only be about fun. If it was then we wouldn't h0old monogamy in such high regard.

Do we hold in high regard, though? This site is littered with posts about men and women having affairs.

Personally, I think sex should be fun. Otherwise, what's the point? And like PP, I've had casual sex without catching feelings. But then again, I appreciate being single. The peace, sometimes after fun sex, is unmatched.

@FruityCiderare men who go down on women fighting the patriarchy? Is it ok to go down on them then?

Let me go on a limb here… you’re against abortion too aren’t you?

I'm very unconvinced by this "need" rhetoric around sex, like it's some human right. It's not. Nobody owes anyone anything no matter how much they may feel they "need" it.

Well, the human race kinda needs people to have sex, otherwise we'll go the way of the dodo (which is possibly not a bad thing).

I'm also unconvinced that sex can only be about fun. If it was then we wouldn't hold monogamy in such high regard. It is something else, and as such whenever it's described as just fun, there's usually some more complicated feelings involved.

That's because you haven't experienced it personally. I haven't personally experienced bungee jumping, white water rafting, surfing or crocheting but I'm assured by others that they are fun and I believe them.

You're right one night stands aren't about love and affection, they're a transient and sterile encounter - which can create new life which usually ends in tragedy. The itch that one night stands scratch are simply not worth it, they're very very bad for the soul.

As the result of a transient encounter, I beg to differ. But as a participant in many glorious (and a few forgettable) ones night stands I equally beg to differ. My soul has been nourished by the ultimate zipless fuck...more that once.

My agenda is not to shame people, that wasn't what I thought you were even getting at. I don't want people to feel ashamed, I'd rather they loved themselves and others enough not to participate in some of these things but I'm not here with the intention of upsetting anyone.

Really? There's been 15 pages of you looking down your nose at those who participate in some of these things. That's OK. Some of us feel sorry for you never having experienced a orgasm simply from mental stimulation. Or knowing the power of your sexuality and the memories of which can make you slide off your chair well into an age when you really should know better. 😉

Or knowing the power of your sexuality and the memories of which can make you slide off your chair well into an age when you really should know better. 😉

Haha, love this!