To think someone's sexual predilections reflects on their broader character?

[MonTuesWeds]

Just that really. I feel like I came of age in a time when we were encouraged to believe that someone's 'intimate preferences' were just that, and that they were completely isolated from that persons wider self and personality. I just don't think that's true though. I suppose I'm wondering two things here, firstly if IABU I'm thinking this now but secondly - am I the only one who has felt the pressure not to judge someone on what 'they're into' providing it was always fully consensual.

I don't know if you're vulnerable, which I guess is what you mean.

Your situation is irrelevant to my argument, because you've said that your OH has no intrinsic desire to hurt you.

"Again - sex is not just about love and affection. But the fact you keep going on about that is obvious as to your agenda"

What is sex about then?

I also don't know why you keep alluding to my "agenda" as though you've uncovered some sinister secret - I'm very up front - it's in my OP, even the very title. Do you consider yourself someone without an "agenda"?

Do you mean, for example, if you like using escorts and sex workers it’s unlikely you will make a “good”husband? If this, I totally agree. And countless threads on here back this up.

If it is, you like to be submissive in bed, then you’re x in real life, then maybe not so much.

Your thread is pretty broad to know what you’re getting at.

It's fairly well known that a large number of those in more powerful jobs enjoy being submissive sexually. It is a sort of tension release handing over control to another.

Equally I have known very average women who just based on looks I would consider being into missionary with the lights off after marriage, but in reality have a sex drive and interests that would raise eyebrows.

So no I do not think a persons sexuality shows the type of person they are.

I’m not sure how those examples show that someone’s ‘kinks’ don’t reflect who they are. In the first example a sub kink shows that the person thrives in a high pressure, high responsibility work situation but enjoys abdicating power and responsibility during sex through sub / dom dynamic behaviour. It’s a very logical example I think, that makes sense to most people.

When it comes to kinks that are more problematic, such as being the one doing the choking (strangling) or age play (wanting a partner to pretend to be a child during sex), as a couple of examples, I think it would make sense to most people that there may be underlying psychological issues that could (not always of course) make the person with that kink a potentially more dangerous than average person.

Someone sexually aroused by restricting someone’s breathing until they are unconscious (no matter how much they consent, there is no safe way to do this) or sexually aroused by their partner pretending to be a child during sex (which means acting out something they know to be assault / rape as a child cannot consent in reality) is surely a risk factor if one was to weigh up how much of a danger someone could be to others, no?

Why not?

Funny how you still ignore the question of what about the woman? Is she creepy?

Agenda is so obvious

This

It's why not making Kink shameful is so important

We need to be able to educate and talk about what consent it, how to be safe in kink scenes, how to maintain consent etc

Not make it something to hide away and leave people vulnerable

And yet I chose to believe most of these people are indeed women

Because I don't want to pigeonhole women into a homogenous lump who are only allowed to think the same

The fact they still keep just referring to men says they won't acknowledge it

And they are calling any woman who has submissive type desires vulnerable now.

Eh? I didn’t ignore your question. In fact I clarified that I think someone of either sex who is sexually aroused by pretending to have sex with a baby is creepy.

And that I think someone of either sex who consents to pretending to be a baby an adult is having sex with (so role playing child abuse and rape) is vulnerable.

Here you go @HuffleMyPuffle

I answered you explicitly and directly earlier so I’m not sure why you accused me of ignoring this question?

What is the agenda you’re accusing me of @HuffleMyPuffle?

You have mentioned it’s ‘obvious’ in one of your posts to me so I’d love you to share.

I am a bisexual woman in a happy relationship with a fantastic man who I love very much and have started a family with.

I am not ‘anti men’ if that’s what you assumed?

I don’t know of any of situations where a women ‘choking’ a man during sex has resulted in his death or causing serious life-changing injuries.

Well, you can bet your ass it wouldn't be reported that way anyway

Toxic masculinity would stop it. Men can't be hurt by women, doncha know.

Or people could just not do it?

There are an awful lot of human behaviours that are shameful. Why not be up front and honest about that?

People are so keen to be seen as cool and kind. Why?

I responded to this. I think you are desperate for affirmation for your kink that you aren’t even willing to consider other points of view.

In regards as whether the woman is creepy too in extreme age play (I assume the one playing the baby?) then yes, but I also can’t imagine there’s nearly as many women who actually get off playing a baby as there are women who end up doing something like that to please their partner (and to be honest, whenever I’ve seen anything like this online it is always two men acting this out).

Are you still dismissing this as fine and dandy if both parties consent? Even if we do find the ‘baby’ part as creepy as the adult/daddy part?

Well as he would be dead, how else would it be reported I wonder?

But yes, I get it clear and loud you don’t know of any cases of it happening. And do you know why? Because women don’t have the same strength as men. It’s unlikely a woman would be able to squeeze tight enough - and if they did it would take a lot of effort. And a man would generally be able to fight a woman off.

But you know all of this and you are making your agenda really clear here (was it you who called us all judgmental witches, pearl clutchers, sex-phobes, amongst other things, too?)

Sex can be about fun
Fulfilling a need

One night stands aren't about love and affection

You're actual agenda, which is obviously to shame people, is important to the actual point of your thread

Absolutely. There's no nobler aim than championing women getting men off.

Four posts in a row, Puff. Someone certainly does have an agenda!

I noticed that afterwards

But it says a lot that you think anyone submissive is vulnerable and imply they can't consent or think for themselves

People could just not do a lot of things which would save a lot of harm but make life a lot less fun

What a stupid argument

I didn't start gendering the "baby" in the situation

And you're basically saying women can't think for themselves

Or someone is just catching up and replying to people

Still a woman btw

I've not called you sex phobes. You can't deny the judgemental bit though

And pretty sure life changing injuries don't mean death

Why does ‘gendering’ the baby matter ffs. It’s either creepy to ‘pretend’ to have sex with a baby or it isn’t. You think it isn’t.