Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

I wouldn't define that as 'nagging' as the word has negative, misogynistic vibes. You were concerned, and asking/encouraging, or even pleading is not nagging. It usually comes from a place of love and/or concern.

There's no way an adult should be even saying they'd drag someone kicking and screaming to a medical appointment. Ultimately, as adults, we are all responsible for ourselves.

I have to agree with your comment about my word choice.

This is still going?! One of the most ridiculous threads I’ve ever seen for people completely misunderstanding the whole point of the original post 🙄. Hang in there OP. Only two pages to and they’ll have to stop accusing you of hating your terminally ill husband or whatever shit they’ve made up since I stopped reading.

I’m still relatively new to Mumsnet but am rapidly coming to worry about the lack of comprehension of some posters.

Add to that the people who post before checking for OP updates…. 🙄

Kerrist.

Yeah, it really depends on the context.
I don't feel like anything is just expected as my job in my marriage so I don't have underlying feelings about it.

Like I said in my previous post, I wouldn't be miffed.

Glad to hear he's taken your feelings on board.

You've had some quite 'extraordinary' responses here... something in the water this weekend.

DS and I have washed Dhs laundry for 6 months due to illness. OP you sound a bit of a …..

A bit of a what? A bit of a woman that would have liked her NOT ILL partner to ask her if she’d be ok washing his soiled sheets?

our situation is not comparable to yours.

You sound a total .....

Are you quite alright?
You don't seem to realise that this is a grown adult.

You can't "drag him down " to the GP.
He's not a child, fgs!

OP has already said she supports him going to the GP, what is wrong with you?

And what an insult that would be to a grown man.

Now THAT is something to be mortified about!

WTAF........

This thread has shown me why so many men have affairs.

They feel as though they are living with their mothers.....

Me too.....

Maybe the continuously changing weather is affecting peoples way of thinking?

Or maybe we just simply have a thread of mostly handmaidens....

Threads like these you can't take all that serious it's a storm in a tea cup. The pile on is mainly through boredom. A lot of ops tend to stop engaging once they get what they need and get on with it.

There are threads where you have to be kind and sympathetic. You get the odd one or two who will come across as unsympathetic. They are squashed out quickly. I have noticed new mothers tend to get a hard time on here and it's called Mumsnet.

Don't you understand... This is YOUR job...!!

In the misogynists playbook...

I'd be really fed up if I'd been pushed into doing this.

It's the assumption and entitlement...

Of course you want to deal with the urine soaked duvet...

Agreed. I took over all the housework when my late husband became unwell. There's just no comparison with the situation outlined in the OP.

A lot of overreacting from many people on here. The OP imo is overreacting a little from not being asked if she was ok to clean up, but can understand why it’s a bit annoying and a quick chat with her partner should sort it (which she has now done)
And overreacting by the replies on here too, all a bit OTT.

I’d be quite interested to know what the response would be if the partner had posted on here , saying he’d pissed the bed and taken the kids out and his OP is annoyed that he didn’t clean his mess or ask that she was ok to do it.

How does any of this explain him not dealing with the wet pissy sheets when HE wet the bed - seriously why is it ok to expect that the female will deal with this purely because she’s female.

Pathetic how women are calling out the op here like we’re in 1950. Does mortification cause an inability to deal with a washing machine?

No slack needed here - just an understanding that men are just as required as women to deal with their own shit (or piss in this case)

Stop being an apologist for weaponised incompetence

Fuck me / this man is a man, not a child. There is no “we”. In this situation. He is an adult who wet the bed. Why the hell is it a female responsibility to ensure he therefore visits a doctor?

Your form of misogynistic, twisted thinking is ridiculous. As an adult person it is solely his responsibility to seek medical intervention or not.

She’s his partner not his mother.

Wake up, it’s 2025, not 1955.

What if it leads to kidney failure? Would you give him one of yours?

Of course. What else is a woman for?

I assumed this is a partnership - family - a relationship that needs the efforts of two people to keep it going, each dependent on the other to provide for the children, and for the future of all of them.

It is incumbent on both the ensure they are well enough to continue to provide for the family they have created.

When there is a sign of sickness with one or both, it must be investigated right away.

It isn't a matter of a grown man taking responsibility for himself, they are an interdependent couple, who have created a family, whose future depends on both of them.

They are in a relationship - a partnership, that formed a family.

They are not separate people. The family depends on two people for support. They are no longer two people, but one, and if half of the partnership becomes unwell, it affects the whole family.

If he cannot recognise the need to see medical advice, and the other half of the partnership cannot make the effort to persuade him to find out what is wrong and make the partnership - and family - whole again, then that family is in danger of falling apart.

It takes two people acting as one to ensure the future of the family.

I replied to a post in similar vein. They are no longer two people, but one.

It seems to me that perhaps there needs to be more understanding of what a partnership is, particularly if children are dependent on the two people for their livelihood and future.

If half the partnership is in danger from sickness, then the whole family is affected, and the two adults must work together to ensure their future.