Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

And did you clear it up yourself and wash your clothes, bedding?

He's not going to tell you whether he did or not it's none of your business. The op decided to air her dirty laundry and didn't get the response she wanted. Her posts would have been different if she did.

I think what this thread shows is that people live their lives differently. Some would have got on with it where as others would have spoken up. There has been a few like yourself who would want to be asked like the op and completely understand why she's miffed at being left to wash the load without asking her. Other posters would have been apologetic.

The majority didn't agree with how the op handled it and said she would have been better off saying something. She wouldn't need to vent if she did. The op is forgetting this is AIBU if she believes she is not unreasonable why ask the question if she can't handle the answer.

Then don't do stuff you don't want to do. Use your grown up words or your lack of action. Tell him before he goes out "I'm not cleaning up your mess" or wait for him to realise at bedtime and you sleep elsewhere. How do people have relationships with so little communication?

Suggest you do, because it's not a case of thst here.

Blimey! It's happening again!

OP ... I'm speechless at the responses to you. Is the whole world insane??? Well done on staying clear and rational.

Although you say his health is your main concern, it clearly isn’t - you are pissed off. I thinknyou are tackling this from a selfish persoective - he must feel totally mortified.

Why's everyone acting like this is absolutely debilitatingly embarrassing? It's just piss. So what if it happened? Wouldn't make me think less of anyone. Sometimes we malfunction big deal. I'd be more concerned about it incase it's a sign of illness. I wouldn't give a toot about being embarrassed. Do grown adults really think like that? Especially around their spouse of all people. It's not like he pissed the bed because he couldn't be arsed going to the toilet. He was fast asleep.

Do people not work in partnership at all? I'd fling the washing in if my partner had the children. Yes, he made the mess but you can talk about it later. To leave it undone sounds petty and resentful to me.

If someone speaks to you like that over a medical accident. you're not in a relationship, are you?

It’s not about partnership it is about basic respect and good manners. She isn’t his mother, and he isn’t four years old. Most adults would prefer to wash their own soiled sheets in any case!!

Yes, he should have said something and I hope he does. probably, as others have said, monumentally embarrassed. Honestly though, if it had been my Ex I would have just cracked on and flung the washing in. I wouldn't worry about whose wet sheets they were unless someone had got stinking polluted drunk and wet the bed, that's on them.
I'm not sure what's to be gained by husband and kids waiting round all day to put the washing on. Isn't it better that he takes the kids out if his wife is working?

YABU. Why would he need to know if you're OK? Because some pee migh have touched you? You say you're concerned but seem more annoyed at having to sort the bedding out

Why on earth would he feel mortified?

He has OP's full support if he does decide to go to the GP.
He didn't have to wash ANY of his own wet bedding.
He had a day out with the kids and they even had their dinner out.
He came back to a freshly made bed.
Had a fair discussion with OP.
End of....

Trying to stretch the drama are you?

The op was working it would have been reasonable for her to say "I need help. Can you go after lunch or tomorrow." She said she felt 'put out'. He could have got all the washing done and out the door by lunch.

She posted in AIBU and then asked posters 'am I being unreasonable' she asked for people's opinions. She doesn't think she is being unreasonable she should have posted in chat.

i was absolutely happy to hear differently…but all (I think) the comments that are against me feeling a bit miffed by it are either comparing it with someone being ill and unable to do it themselves, ignoring the fact that all I was fussed about was the expectation that I’d would just sort it, or being out and out rude with name calling, making up their own tale or just ignoring everything I’ve said previously and trying to drive home an exaggerated point that doesn’t exist.

i do hope this post reaches maximum limit of comments soon.

I get your frustration your world is completely different to how people think your life is. I have posted once in AIBU and it was an experience I would say about 5% of the comments were relevant the rest wasn't. I would say the same with this thread only 5% of the comments are relevant to how you feel. The rest of the comments are irrelevant and should be ignored. I am glad you had a good day yesterday. Try and unwatch the thread or delete your account and then sign up again. It helps to remove the temptation to read.

He may have a serious health condition yet u moan about having to deal with it, poor man let’s hope it’s not as you will be no help at all.

He hasn’t lost the use of his legs or arms! Just his bladder.

I’ll add another comment in an effort to get it to max!

I agree many of the posts attack you unfairly and are ridiculous. However I still think that you could have said something, you didn’t specifically have to mention wet sheets eg, ‘I’m working today and you’ll need to get that stuff upstairs sorted so kiss your Dad will have to bring you back a bit earlier’. You could have left them and seen what his reaction was and then slept on the sofas or he could have popped out and bought some sheets. This was for him to take the lead on and sort out.

I appreciate he’s apologised however there still seems to be the thought that it’s your job to remind him whereas the problem here is it didn’t even seem to cross his mind to do it. It’s often all this reminding stuff that is exhausting, he’s a grown man! If he was living on his own I’m sure it would have crossed his mind to get on and do it.

You are completely entitled to feel however you feel. But there are plenty of posters who think you are being unreasonable whilst not misunderstanding what you mean. Me being one of them, but if you still feel that way then that's how you feel, no one on here is going to change your mind about that.

This

I don’t know if you’ve answered this, but if you share household chores, do you usually do the laundry?
If you do, I see no reason that he would need to check you were OK to do it.

If it’s not a usual chore of yours, then I get why you were miffed. In fact, it would be very odd for him not to have actually asked you would you please do the laundry, as not doing it himself or checking you were happy to do it would have resulted in soiled sheets being left.

The split of household chores is an important question though.

OP has already answered this point eloquently. Why don’t you actually read all her posts?