Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Op, yes you should have got a thanks, sorry to leave you with this...
kind of conversation to your face.
He's happily managed to be out with kids, possibly driving to beach then dinner without any distress calls or emergency, so we can assume he's not ill or needing as much concern others replying seem to think he needs.
I totally get your annoyance at the one point you have repeatedly made, your miffed at the attitude you will deal with it without mention. His accident, happened, but he could have acknowledged the need for it to be cleaned? It's weird to not mention it. Would he smash glasses and leave you to deal with clear up without discussing
Few people have called you a non team player!
Fuck being on the team where it's ok to make a mess and leave others to deal with it -opposite of team work.
Hope he brought you some food back, cause he thinks about you needing fed? and a simple thanks and you both made the bed

Sounds like a relatively nice relationship tbh, aside from the school holiday strains (which tbh, I think everyone struggles with!)

May I suggest that you are reading too negatively into the soiled laundry thing, and that it isn’t about a lack of respect - from what you say I’m SURE he respects you immensely. It’s a (hopefully) one-off lack of manners. He should have talked to you about the added burden his incident has put upon you, and shown appreciation. A mitigating factor may well be his shame and worry about what is going on with him, medically.

As you have said, he’s apologised and you’ve all moved on, which is great. Unless it’s a recurring theme, I’d cut him some slack, and not hold this in memory for thinking badly of him.
I hope his GP appointment goes well and that there is no ongoing concern as far as his health is concerned.
You sound like a lovely family xx

In your OP you said:

 '' AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?''

You also had similar comments. That made me wonder if that was the more important. If I have misunderstood, I am sorry.

He must see the doctor. It could be something simple. There are many conditions which cause this and which can be treated simply.

Inflammation in the kidneys can spread to the bladder and cause this, so that all he would need is a course of antibiotics.

I think you could show him and his GP that you are concerned.

You say this, but denied my post?

Dyou know, I actually think this is fair enough on your part. Especially given it's a typical more equal than not but still more hidden tasks fall to you scenario. My family can be a wee bit like that too and it gets frustrating in very specific situations. My husband wouldn't have left me to do the washing. I was thinking about it and with our kids being younger it's kids wetting beds or puking that lead to late night or early morning bed cleanups but in that scenario I'm usually cleaning the child and myself and staying to comfort the child while he sorts out soiled bedding going into the machine. Now my gripe would be he wouldn't make the bed back up after but he WOULD was the laundry and whoever was free first would hang the laundry. He wouldn't expect it to be me.

It is bodily functions. No matter what part of the body it is, things do go wrong, whatever the age. In children, it is a matter of the nerve growing fully for the feeling to develop. It is the last thing to grow and very often the first to go.

It has to be investigated.

I was being sarcastic here

and I am supposed to know that?

perhaps because you complained about having to change the bed?

You told me it was prearranged that he would take the kids out that day. He was just following the plans arranged before.

Sarcasm aside, I am truly horrified that you and your partner have not sought medical advice.

It could be a matter of infection of the bladder and kidneys. What if it leads to kidney failure? Would you give him one of yours?

My late husband was much older than me, and if I could have him back, I would, warts and all. It never bothered me. It was bodily functions we all have. The only complaint from anyone was the dentist when he peed in her chair - or the pad leaked. I apologised, and I think I should not have, looking back.

I would not have let it continue without investigation, and with so much publicity about men's' health issues I would have thought you would drag him down right away.

Something is very wrong if you have not, and you should take some time to think ''why not'' as ignoring it and hoping it will go away is not right.

I

Oh FFS. He's a grown adult. It's his responsibility to make a GP appointment. And OP is supposed to have somehow forced him to do that on top of doing a full day's work and 4 loads of laundry created by him?!

@WFHbore2023

I commend you on your patience. Some of the posts on here have been crazy.

I totally get why you were pissed off, no pun intended, by not being asked if you minded washing four loads of piss soaked bedding. I'd have felt exactly the same in your situation. Well, I say that, I wouldn't because I wouldn't allow it to happen, nor do I think my DH would behave in the way that yours did.

I view this whole situation as male entitlement. Your DP isn't a child. He should have asked if you minded dealing with the excessive amount of washing his 'accident' resulted in and given you the opportunity to reply before telling the kids about a day out.

Oh, and you helped him strip the bed after he'd pissed it. He didn't help you. It was never your accident to need help with in the first place 😉

And?

The OP isn't living with/the partner of a child. Her DP is an adult. Adults are responsible for themselves.

The OP isn't his mother and has no parental responsibility towards him.

this thread is littered with fckn handmaidens & marthas

I would drag him kicking and screaming.

"Oh sorry boss, I can't join this meeting, because I have to take my child to the doctors... which one? Oh the man child"

🙄

It depends, was the day out with the kids pre planned? Would he help you in the same situation.
If it was me in this situation I would probably sort it for OH even if I was working. But then I hands down know that OH would do exactly the same for me.

I am aghast at the sheer number saying op must ‘drag’ him urgently for medical investigations. HE IS A GROWN MAN!!!
JFC

He is being referred to like a toddler and completely incapable of booking an app at the GP! It is NOT OP’s job to fix, rescue and play mother to this rude man. It’s op’s job to insist going forward that he washes his own sheets, she can be gently empathetic with his position without being responsible for his piss soaked sheets or dragging him anywhere at all.

Some people need to raise the bar and some.

No I didn’t?

He literally didn't help clean up his own pissy sheets never mind his wife's what ifs sheets, so question is already answered! It hasn't crossed his mind he should have any more to do than lift sheets so his side of bed gets any wetter!

''He woke you up and told you. Then he took the kids out. Did he want to remove them so that they didn't know?

You replied?

No, he wanted to go out because he had taken the day off to look after them and that’s what he prefers to do with them''

Mate, he took the day off to look after them as it’s half term.
he decided how he was going to spend the day after the fact. The beach trip was not preplanned.

You'd drag an adult male to the doctor?

How about this:

Adult male takes responsibility for his own health issues, you know, as adults are expected to. He books and attends the appointment, and follows medical advice. You know, just how adults usually do.

No kicking and screaming required.

So?

Yep.

There were times that I nagged my late husband to see the doctor, but I couldn't force him.

When I could see that the signs of an angina attack had reasserted themselves, I told him that he wasn't going to make me a young widow: nevertheless, he only took himself to the doctor's because he subsequently realised himself that he was having another attack. (He had a real phobia around surgeries and hospitals, because of a childhood experience.)