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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DP for spending his bonus on qualifications?

176 replies

LeonaStep · 29/05/2025 21:00

DP and I work for the same company and both get an annual bonus.

We had discussed spending this years on a holiday - however he has decided he will spend the bulk of his on some professional qualifications as he is exploring a career change.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? He isn’t set on this change but says the qualifications will help him if he proceeds. He’ll be spending c.£1700 and remaining bonus won’t allow us to go to where we had planned. Feels a lot of money to potentially waste?

OP posts:
socialdilemmawhattodo · 29/05/2025 21:01

Seems sensible to me.

missmollygreen · 29/05/2025 21:03

Surely a holiday is more of a waste than professional qualifications?

Or is this a reverse?

Feelingdownbutnotout · 29/05/2025 21:04

Good for your DP. What a worthwhile thing to do.

HuffleMyPuffle · 29/05/2025 21:05

You don't want your husband to get qualifications to potentially get a (presumably) better paid job?

You are being outrageously unreasonable

You should still be able to have a decent holiday if you had a bonus over £1700 and there's some of his left over too

Original poster
LeonaStep · 29/05/2025 21:05

missmollygreen · 29/05/2025 21:03

Surely a holiday is more of a waste than professional qualifications?

Or is this a reverse?

No not a reverse. It’s more the fact he’s not set on it, it’s not like he’s spending a couple hundred quid

OP posts:
TSMWEL · 29/05/2025 21:08

How is it a waste? It’s benefitting his career prospects? A holiday would be a waste, looking at it objectively in that respect.

McCartneyOnTheHeath · 29/05/2025 21:08

He sounds like a very sensible chap. You could always go on holiday by yourself.

Sofiewoo · 29/05/2025 21:09

Professional qualifications hardly constitutes “a waste”.

Lovenpic · 29/05/2025 21:10

He’s got a good head on his shoulders, as my granny would say.

minuette1 · 29/05/2025 21:10

Gosh you are a very short term thinker aren’t you. Surely by forfeiting this one holiday and levelling up means he will have more to contribute to many future holidays?

TammyJones · 29/05/2025 21:10

I agree to you op.
unless he is set on a career change it sounds like a self indulgent wim.

AffableApple · 29/05/2025 21:11

You both get a bonus as you work/work for the same company? So it's not as though you're sharing the money as it's family money? There's no big debts to clear? No big upcoming bills?

He gets to spend his how he likes. As you do yours. Enjoy your holiday with your friends.

SurvivingaNarc · 29/05/2025 21:11

Going against the grain, if you’d both already discussed using the money for a holiday (something you would both benefit from) then he is BU suddenly switching it to something only he benefits from. Particularly if it’s more of a whim than an essential for his career. I’d be gutted if I thought I was potentially getting a lovely holiday with my partner but then it was whipped away with no discussion!

feathermucker · 29/05/2025 21:12

What is more of a ‘waste’? Long term planning for the future or what seems like an expensive holiday?!

Yes, YABU to feel a little miffed.

Vaxtable · 29/05/2025 21:12

Good for him. He is giving himself more options for employment. What happens if he loses his current job and can’t find one and the same sector? Will that holiday help him?

there will be other holidays

healthybychristmas · 29/05/2025 21:25

Does he have a habit of swapping and changing careers? Is this future course going to lead to a realistic career? Ultimately though it's up to him what he spends his money on and he's not wasting it is he?

Lmnop22 · 29/05/2025 21:27

Surely he’s more set on it than you think if he is using £1700 to get the qualifications so I think you should show support and compel him to make the change he’s clearly keen to make.

This may mean one missed holiday this year but many others in the future and I’m sure you can still go somewhere lovely with what’s left

Ally886 · 29/05/2025 21:28

I would go a step further.

People get a bonus because they're doing a good job. It should be the one time you can spend it on what you want because you've worked hard.

Let your DH enjoy the fruits of his hard work 😀

Bikergran · 29/05/2025 21:29

Holiday is much more of a waste. Qualifications are important.

FedupofArsenalgame · 29/05/2025 21:30

It's his bonus Surely he can spend it how he likes

Sofiewoo · 29/05/2025 21:32

TammyJones · 29/05/2025 21:10

I agree to you op.
unless he is set on a career change it sounds like a self indulgent wim.

Spending it on one single holiday sounds a whole lot more self indulgent.

Hoohaz · 29/05/2025 21:32

Is there nowhere else on the planet that you can go instead of the holiday you planned? Or go for a shorter amount of time?

lightslittle · 29/05/2025 21:33

I think it depends what the context and course is. If it’s a legitimate professional qualification then it’s reasonable, if it’s a £1,700 course to “make millions investing in property” that he’s seen on TikTok then it’s not

DancingDucks · 29/05/2025 21:36

YABU. You would rather spend the money on a holiday rather than qualification that may give hin better career options?

I think it's a very sensible thing to do, DH has done it in the past and it made a huge difference to him and his career and salary. I think you're being quite selfish.

pilates · 29/05/2025 21:36

He is trying to better himself not sure why you see this as a negative

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