To be annoyed at DP for spending his bonus on qualifications?

[LeonaStep]

DP and I work for the same company and both get an annual bonus.

We had discussed spending this years on a holiday - however he has decided he will spend the bulk of his on some professional qualifications as he is exploring a career change.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? He isn’t set on this change but says the qualifications will help him if he proceeds. He’ll be spending c.£1700 and remaining bonus won’t allow us to go to where we had planned. Feels a lot of money to potentially waste?

I think the issue is that he’s done a U-turn - you agreed you’d use it for a holiday which you were looking forward to, and he changed his mind so you are bound to feel a little disappointed. Posters are right that the long term gain of him doing a qual is overall preferable, but I can see why you feel a bit bummed op.

Education is never a waste. He sounds sensible. He's looking after the future, you want a short-term win. Neither wrong but its his bonus he's spending.

I think if he's not sure on that specific qualification it still might be worthwhile looking into one.

DH took one a few years ago and it resulted in a 25% pay rise for us.

Unfortunately, in the society where everything is about pleasure-seeking, i.e. our idiotic society, everything is in reverse.

YABU. It’s perfectly sensible for him to spend his money on this.

I would just use my bonus to go on the holiday I wanted. Either with mates, or alone.

It’s hard to say who is right or wrong. Using bonus money to get a qualification may be sensible or it may be pie in the sky.

How entwined are your finances? If you act as though you are married and have been doing without in the expectation that you will go on a really nice holiday then I can understand being disappointed.

It sounds as though he is happy to do what he wants with his bonus. Make sure that you do the same - if you can, go and visit a friend in a sunny country. If there’s something you want (and he isn’t interested) then get it without thought of how he could benefit.

The qualifications will enhance future earnings and you can have even more holidays.

I paid for my DH to do some qualifications (around 2.5k) which he did and excelled at, sadly after he couldn’t explore a job in that field due to his cancer diagnosis (at lot more physical than he does now) and he just dabbles at it in his space time

I don’t view it as a waste of money!

I think your issue is you want a holiday and he wants to do something different than discussed and the plan has changed for that money…

Please don't compare a dh, where there is an obligation of future benefits enjoyed together, even if through subsequent maintenance by virtue of divorce, to a situation with a d 'partner' with no obligation to share future wins.

Not exactly nonsense. My job has a professional qualification, most employers will insist you have it or are working towards it. Not because it’s a good qualification but because the body who awards it says in order to call yourself a chartered organisation, you need to have a certain number of people with this qualification. It is an entirely academic qualification and doing it does not make anyone better at their job. I did mine 30 years ago, it hasn’t benefitted me one bit. It costs me 500 quid per year to keep it, but I always negotiate my salary to include it. I help people get through it now and what they have to do is even further removed from the job than it was 30 years ago.

It is from an organisation that has a massively high profile, most here would have heard of it. It is an absolute racket.

Or in a society where what you can do on paper for a couple of hours after some online learning (very easy to manipulate) is more important than years of experience?

I think that very much depends on the type of training and qualification.

Wrong tree - the poster's comment here was clearly a choice between pleasure-seeking and career furthering. Not between career-furthering through experience or career-furthering through a piece of paper/certificate after an online course.

It’s funny you mentioned that but Finance and HR are one of the two sectors Where there qualifications are having diminishing value.
I’m not sure if you’ve read through the content for level five and level seven, but it’s embarrassing these days.

1 less holiday in your lifetime is not a big deal.

His bonus, not yours to be miffed about.

Are you progressing well in your own career, @LeonaStep?

Does your partner encourage and support you in this - or hold you back?

Quite honestly, rather than worrying about a holiday, you might be well advised to look to your own professional advancement so he doesn’t outpace you and move on …

Sounds like an investment in the future which could pay dividends. In this economic climate it's a good idea to boost your CV.
Could you just have a cheaper holiday?

His bonus not yours. YABU.

We aren’t in competition - I will take a step back when (hopefully) we have children too.

Let him do him and you do you.

If he wants to spend his bonus on qualifications that’s absolutely fine.

If you want to spend yours on a holiday - that’s fine too. Just take yourself off on a solo trip to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go 😊

Win win

Holidays are not essential. Training for a new career move is very essential.
Take a less expensive holiday option.
The course will allow DH to explore if he thinks he will fit well into the new career path. It will give him confidence and advantages in job interviews etc.

You are in competition - only you don’t recognise it.

So, in ten years time his salary will have doubled and he’ll have expanded his professional and social horizons. You meanwhile, having ‘stepped back’ will be at home with two small children, maybe doing a few child friendly hours of work, reliant on him for pretty much everything.

And, if you’re not married, totally screwed when he disappears over the horizon with a new trainee. He’ll have won; you’ll have lost.

if you both work and cannot afford a proper holiday without a bonus, then it's probably sensible to advance the career to progress and have a better income.

Ooooooh dont make that mistake