To be annoyed at DP for spending his bonus on qualifications?

[LeonaStep]

DP and I work for the same company and both get an annual bonus.

We had discussed spending this years on a holiday - however he has decided he will spend the bulk of his on some professional qualifications as he is exploring a career change.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed? He isn’t set on this change but says the qualifications will help him if he proceeds. He’ll be spending c.£1700 and remaining bonus won’t allow us to go to where we had planned. Feels a lot of money to potentially waste?

I can understand why you feel disappointed, but he is thinking of the the long term prospects and you are just thinking of the here and now. Paying for a professional qualification is certainly not a waste and he sounds sensible, he's not blowing it on something silly.

What's your money set up? You are not married correct?

If you are not married I would bear that in mind when making decisions about how you spend your money. It sounds like he is taking that approach.

If you want a holiday, still go. But on your own or with friends.

If this was a classic MN reverse..
"DP and I both got bonuses. I want to use mine on some qualifications which will help my career but he wants me to spend it all on a one off holiday"

and remaining bonus won’t allow us to go to where we had planned.

Sounds like you could you go somewhere else though, just not where you'd planned.
You're being a bit precious if that's the case.

Take the hit and go somewhere else, it's only one year and for the sake of your dp improving his earning potential and career.

Going against the grain I can see why you are annoyed. It's going to mean a salary drop for a while with no guarantee of a job after the qualification or salary increases. Let's be honest many men do these things on a whim and never works out to benefit them least of all their family.
Only you know how determined he is with these goals amd the likelihood of it increasing your household income.

If the shoe was on the other foot and you wanted to spend your bonus on your career what would he say?

YABU OP, because

1. It's his money and
2. He is investing in his career, and a better future.

How would you feel if he'd stuck it all on a horse in the 2.30 at Ascot? 😂

You are being unreasonable he is trying to Secure a future

What are you doing to improve your career prospects and future earning potential?

Well it would benefit her too if they are planning on being long term DPs

Well yes, but I didn’t see how long they’d been together and it’s a DP rather than a DH so future earnings may not go in a joint pot. His earnings may well just be his down the line. Qualifications are great but if a holiday has been discussed then the DP gets distracted with ‘ooh new shiny thing’ I can see why OP might feel less than enthusiastic! OP use your bonus to book a lovely solo trip. I know it’s not the same as time together, but at least you’d get away.

This! It’s HIS @LeonaStep you don’t get to tell him how it’s spent. Go on holiday by yourself

Good for him, pay for your holiday out of income. Were you not going to have one at all otherwise?

Do you both do the same job? If so and he'd be looking at a new employer for his career change I'd consider that a good plan to de risk your employment situation, what if you were both out of work in the same redundancy round. (risk of that depends on your industry of course)

Its a good idea and I wish I had done this myself actually when I had good bonuses. I would be able to afford even better holidays now and wouldnt be stuck in a rut.
Short term pain, long term gain.

You think a one-off holiday is more important than improving/developing your career long term?

You have some odd priorities.

I would be really proud of my DP for choosing the longer-term option, over a one off holiday.

I took a pay drop so I could complete a masters degree.
The qualification will lead to an increase in salary and job opportunities.

Surely you’ll still be able to have a holiday anyway if you both get bonuses and it’s ‘extra’ money.
Just go for a cheap weekend away somewhere, it doesn’t need to be extravagant.

This is his money to spend as he chooses so that is not unreasonable and it sounds like it may be a wise choice but I do understand you are disappointed. The one thing I would say is note how he has decided to use the money on HIS choice - please do the same. The one thing I would not do is downgrade the holiday to spend YOUR bonus on a holiday for you both. I’d go alone, with a friend, or not at all first. Spend (or save) your bonus on YOU alone.

Good for him. YABU.

Good for him. He's investing in making himself more employable and will have higher potential earnings. Very sensible.

You can still go on holiday with your friends or family, or treat yourself to a spa break/retreat.

Sounds sensible to me. A qualification is rarely a waste.
Whether or not you should be consulted or get any kind of say, depends on what you mean by "partner".
Just go on a cheaper holiday.

Do you already have this qualification, @LeonaStep?

If not, why not? (Given that you, too, can presumably afford to take the course.)

With the extra qualification, his horizon will expand. This may not suit his wife.

No - it’s in a different field unrelated to our current one which I don’t have an interest in.

I think the issue is you have not had a proper conversation.
Your dp has decided
‘It’s my money so I choose.’

Do you normally both keep your own extra money or is it normally used for a joint benefit?

Oo shiny new thing might describe a car or a gadget.

Qualifications fall into a sensible planning rather than spaffing money away category.

Perhaps the holiday was discussed as it might be nice to go to x rather than hik thinking he had agreed to it. £1700 wouldn't cover a particularly fancy holiday

Professional qualifications that could mean a lifetime of a better career Vs a week in the sun.

and you’re actually asking if he’s being the unreasonable one?