DH reported at work

[CircleBaker]

I am stuck between ‘the world has gone mad’ and ‘why did you say that’ so I’d appreciate some MN wisdom!

DH has been reported to HR by a colleague due to a comment he made when she arrived at her desk on a recent morning. He said she looked particularly happy so he joked that she must have ‘got some’ the night before.

Now this colleague is someone DH has worked with for a while and always (in his view) got along with, so he was very surprised to hear of the report.

I can’t help but feel that as much as it wasn’t the smartest of comments, it was fairly inoffensive given they are friendly and it seems OTT to report?!

Your interpretation is woefully wrong.

Yes I DO understand employment law. Thank you.

What I don't accept is the double standards on this thread.

So many have attacked this woman, and each other, whilst being so offended by what her husband has said. You can all tell her she's wrong. You can all tell her that her husband is wrong. You can tell her what she should have said to him, or how he could put it right, or what he can expect to hear from HR.

But you can do it without being so goddamn rude!

She's said she made a mistake! Let it go! You've made your point.

I'll explain again for those who have difficulty in interpreting: when you use a gendered slur, you're exhibiting misogyny - internalised or otherwise.

@Helen1625 And yet, in the same post the poster said: " It is still there, I interpreted that as being called a bitch. I still do."

Yep. I mean, it's not as if we haven't got enough to contend with, all these nasty men making naughty comments. You get a pile on from women too!

Perhaps it's how you worded it.

I said I made a mistake about the post being deleted.

I’m with @WearyAuldWumman .. @MyLimeGuide got it totally wrong, argued persistently and was rude. She said in passing that she’d made a mistake - but didn’t apologise to the person she accused 🤷‍♀️

@Helen1625 yesterday your posts were rude and combative. You called people uptight and were lamenting at how pathetic it was that people were so easily offended…
What’s changed?

Irrelevant if you hadn't broken the talk guidelines multiple posts of yours wouldn't have been deleted by MNHQ. Post aren't deleted by posters or just because someone disagrees with you, they are deleted because YOU broke the rules and yet no-one who has been trying to explain why YOU'RE wrong has had a single post deleted by MNHQ only YOU.
Might I kindly suggest that you consider how your posting style and the language that YOU use is causing YOUR posts to be deleted before you get banned by MNHQ, there's a handy link to the talk guidelines at the bottom of the message box on every page

Were they?

You’re the one getting posts deleted so it seems the one being rude is you.

Yes. All of your posts were about how ‘you can’t say anything anymore’ and how people are too easily offended. You called me and a number of other posters uptight for finding sexual harassment offensive.

Now you’re accusing us all of bullying for putting our points across robustly.

It’s quite a turnaround.

They are deleted because someone didn't like it and reported it. I only got one post of mine deleted so calm down!!! The post was quoted a lot by other users so appears a few times. Therefore the word 'multiple' yet another fabricated attack.

I think you’ll see 5 posters have been deleted, yourself included.
Theres a lot of attacks on this thread.

It wasn’t a nice subject to start with but has gone downhill fairly early

Inappropriate and unprofessional, sure, but I don't see how it's sexist (or misogynistic, as others have said).

Can anyone explain what's sexist about it? I really do see it as just a tired, jokey comment that people of either sex might make about someone (regardless of their sex) who seems unusually happy.

I suppose I would say that the comment is more often directed at men; is that the issue?

I think some people would do well to remember it’s a sensitive subject. Many of us find the minimising of sexual harassment frustrating and triggering.

It’s fine not to be offended by something and to say you would have dealt with a situation differently. But I certainly didn’t appreciate being called uptight or told to lighten up when I feel like I’ve spent my whole adult life fighting against sexual harassment, inappropriate comments, behaviour and misogyny.

Absolutely agree
This is still an ongoing issue that many people have to deal with every day and should not be minimised
and I agree online bullying is also completely inappropriate

im so thankful I don’t have it in my office

No 3 of your posts have been deleted that's multiple, you can check for yourself.
The 1st of your postthat have been deleted is on the bottom of page 32 and was posted by you at 12:57, the 2nd &3rd we're on page 34 and we're posted by you at 13:47 & 13:55.
As you will see if you look back at those pages my statement that you've had multiple posts deleted is not a fabricated attack on you but merely a statement of fact.
Since you didn't take my last piece of advice I doubt that you will take this 1 but when you find yourself in a hole stop digging, ie when you've falsely accused someone of calling you names and attacking you its best not to do it to someone else on the same thread it's especially when its provably false and everyone can see it

Yours have been deleted too, so pipe down 😊

All of them?

The issue - as you’ve literally typed it yourself - is it’s unprofessional and inappropriate.

The rest of this word salad of what constitutes sexism and doesn’t is entirely irrelevant. 2 grounds for complaint is really quite enough.

Agree @Hoardasurass
respect is easily earned when we stand down and apologise for our wrongs.

Good advice for OPs dh too.

I'm not sure what point you're trying to make.

I've said that its unprofessional, I've said that its inappropriate and, pages back, I've said the coworker was entirely within her rights to report it.

I'm simply asking why people also consider it sexist and misogynistic as, on its face, I don't see it as a sexist or misogynistic comment.