Professional Ex vs SAHM

[TheFirstSeaMonster]

Ex wants 50/50 custody which is fine although with his working pattern it’s more likely to be 60/40. 2 children. I am a SAHM and I’ll be returning to work in the autumn.

Ex has been very calm (too calm!) since I ended our marriage. He wasn’t happy that I’ll be classed as the primary carer and I’ll be getting UC but I would end up in poverty without it and I am the primary carer. Ex husband earns £47000 per year - I’m getting UC plus carers allowance for one child. He keeps saying “as long as we don’t screw each other over” everything will be ok.

He thinks he won’t have to pay CM as we will be 50/50. He wants to keep our child’s mobility car and pay me a part of his mobility payment(not all) and I would get the carers (high rate) DLA.
He seems to think he won’t pay me anything? He feels like he’s been screwed over already as he won’t be on the UC claim anymore and isn’t classed as the primary carer.
Seeking advice please. I want us to remain friendly and civil but I also don’t want to be “screwed over” nor do I want to leave ex broke…

on the CM calculator I am entitled to something (£450 per month)

How does 50/50 custody work if one parent earns a decent wage and the other is a carer?

Sorry not AIBU but seeking advice thanks

He's right in the sense that if you have 50/50 custody he won't be paying you CMS. But practically there's always a shortfall so you'd hope he would contribute something...

Well it won’t be 50-50 so he should pay maintenance yes if it’s 60-40. £450 seems a lot, assume that’s not based on it being 60-40? If genuinely 50-50 then no maintenance is paid. Is the DLA in his name? Assume your child still needs access to the car so makes sense to keep that. Is he asking to keep 50% of what remains? I guess that is ok if he is caring for the child 50%, but also assume DLA should in theory be spent on the DC, not towards his household costs.

If he is unhappy that he isn't on the UC claim could he be asking for 50/50 custody to try and change benefits over to his name?

The DLA is in my name.

I hope not! Im the one who claims child benefit and gets carers allowance as the primary carer. Ex works very long shifts and I just don’t see how he could be the primary carer? It will always be me that looks after them more than ex. If he did put in a claim and get it it would push me into poverty. I don’t think he would do that - it’s more about the CM and DLA.

Our child will have access to the mobility car 50% of the time or 40% possibly. Is it fair for me to claim the carers element and ex to keep the car and pay me an allowance for mobility? It’s complex.

Surely your child should have access to the car 100% of the time??

I don’t drive and ex would be using the car to get to work, I would pay for taxis and busses for our son. If ex had a week off he would help to transport our son to respite or any hospital appointments etc. It’s a complicated one.

If you have 50/50 why would he give you money?

Even when we were together ex worked long shifts and used the car to get to work etc. you are allowed apparently to use a mobility car for work purposes if it benefits the person you are caring for

It doesnt sound like it will be.

op, get him to be very specific with the 50/50. and seek advice about the rest.

Just querying as he’s a high earner and I’m a carer. Probably likely to be 60/40 with our youngest and 50/50 with teen.

Why is he asking for 50/50 then if there is no way he could be the primary carer and you will always do more? If you have it in writing that it is 50/50 he could argue he is the primary carer. If he can't do 50/50, don't agree to 50/50.

I think that may be stretched if you're no longer in the same household

See a solicitor, he is trying to screw you. Car should go back, and you get the payment, in order to help with the mobility of your son.

£47k isn't a high earner though, by any stretch. Especially not to support 2 households

£47k isn't such a high earner that he will be able to fund his own household and then a big chunk of yours; I'm not sure how realistic your expectations are here.

Logically whoever has DC needs the car, so the sensible thing would be to have 1 normal car which you are both insured on, and switch the mobility car at handover for the regular car. So whoever has DC has the mobility car and the regular car goes to the parent who doesn't have the DC.

£47k isn’t a high earner. Average salary for a man 40-49 in UK is £42k.

As pps have said, you definately need to see a solicitor - your husband is looking for 50/50 on paper so he can avoid paying you any child maintenance and keep the car - he'd have a claim for all benefits too. He can't look after your child if he's working long shifts, so the agreement needs to reflect this.

The car is for your son's mobility needs, not your husbands to get to work.

£47k isn't a high earner. I earn more than that part time. £450 pm sounds very high for that salary. Was that based on 60/40?

That's an incredibly grey area if your ex was using the mobility car for work and your child was using public transport. You would be much better off handing the car back and clarifying the mobility money.

Sounds like he’s going to say 50:50 to get it to suit him but I bet in reality it’s never 50:50 at all. Get the 60:40 or 70:30 agreed in writing at mediation

I would tell him that actually you'd like EOW as you want to get back into work, and he'll need to arrange his job around the DC as main carer.

So I am no expert, and I did a quick Google to see if what i had heard was correct...
If you have 50/50, ex can claim child benefit for one of those kids. If he was awarded it for your child who needs care, then he could appeal the DLA that you get, and because DLA would have to make a decision one element of that decision is who does the child spend the most time with and who receives Child Benefit for that child. The same for Universal Credit, it would impact your claim for any other benefits too.
Just throwing this in to make you aware. Like i said i coukd be wrong, so worth having a proper conversation with a professional like citizens advice. Someone I loosely knew had something similar but it never got that far in the end.