Professional Ex vs SAHM

[TheFirstSeaMonster]

Ex wants 50/50 custody which is fine although with his working pattern it’s more likely to be 60/40. 2 children. I am a SAHM and I’ll be returning to work in the autumn.

Ex has been very calm (too calm!) since I ended our marriage. He wasn’t happy that I’ll be classed as the primary carer and I’ll be getting UC but I would end up in poverty without it and I am the primary carer. Ex husband earns £47000 per year - I’m getting UC plus carers allowance for one child. He keeps saying “as long as we don’t screw each other over” everything will be ok.

He thinks he won’t have to pay CM as we will be 50/50. He wants to keep our child’s mobility car and pay me a part of his mobility payment(not all) and I would get the carers (high rate) DLA.
He seems to think he won’t pay me anything? He feels like he’s been screwed over already as he won’t be on the UC claim anymore and isn’t classed as the primary carer.
Seeking advice please. I want us to remain friendly and civil but I also don’t want to be “screwed over” nor do I want to leave ex broke…

on the CM calculator I am entitled to something (£450 per month)

How does 50/50 custody work if one parent earns a decent wage and the other is a carer?

Sorry not AIBU but seeking advice thanks

HRC and HRM suggests significant disabilities.

You need to see a solicitor. He is being a selfish snake with the car, you cannot be expected to manage 70% of the week without it.
He is trying to fool you into believing that you are getting a good deal.

Apologies if I've missed it but could you learn to drive?

Motability can pay for lessons in some circumstances.

I agree, your husband is only concerned about the car and having to pay child maintenance. There's no way he can look after them 50/50, that's on average 15 nights a month ( child maintenance only count overnights)
The carers element is means tested and comes out your UC anyway.
You need to have it written down on paper exactly when he has the kids, how many nights a week to work out maintenance.
The car needs to go back as your child will only benefit from it while with dad.
This all needs discussed with a solicitor. So you and your children don't get screwed over but also looking at what is realistic for dad to be able to live and pay for the children while in his care.

This.

when I was earning 25k I still got a decent UC top up for two kids.

there’s no way you’ll be living on 14k with DLA, UC, CB etc.

if he wants 50:50 I’d negotiate you keeping the DLA, returning the car, and no ongoing maintenance.

1. In any legal dispute, do not take legal advice from your opponent.

2. 'You don't need a solicitor' constitutes legal advice.

3. You have split up, so there is no 'we'. Any suggestions about how 'we' should proceed are to be treated with extreme caution.

Yes he is severely disabled.

I have just put some hypothetical numbers into entitled 2.

2 children, primary school age.
rent 800/month
one child with significant disabilities
caring responsibilities for above child over 35 hours
child receives higher rate DLA
12000 income from employment
carers allowance.

total benefits 534/week.

so total income 27k UC
12k employment

that’s 39k. Presumably that’s net as no tax under 12k, and no tax on benefits.

that’s an income of 3.3k per month.
plus your child’s DLA.

your dh on 47k will be getting somewhere around 2.7k net.

so pretty even.

The DLA will be about £800 if the car h
goes back, quite a bit more than her Dh.

Sorry, but stop that.

With UC for you, two children, carer element, disabled child element, child benefit, DLA and your wages, your monthly take home is MORE than his. And he won't be getting his rent paid for him either.

He's a money swindling prick. No doubt about it. But don't play silly buggers about what you'll be receiving per month by only stating your wages.

You'll get even more when he gives you maintenance as well.

Please don't forget pension in all of this. The less you work, the less you contribute to a pension and he will be contributing from full time hours. If you are only working school hours to ensure you are available all the other time and he does no school pick ups, it's still disadvantaging you. Do not agree to do after school care on his days, then you can work longer hours. If he can't do pick ups, he can't do the over nights and should.pay more in child support.

Tbf, if my calculations above are in the ballpark, on a 4.1k net per month she should be able to bung some cash in a sipp, and possibly put some aside for later life too.