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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate DSD sticking stuff to her walls

188 replies

Eriani · 28/05/2025 17:44

DSD is 20, she’s just finishing her second year of uni. She’s living with us and isn’t from the UK (neither is DH). I’ve really struggled to bond with her, she talks to DH in her native language and puts little effort into joining the family as a whole. DH has made it clear I shouldn’t force her.

DSD has a pretty small room, though not a box room, it’s outdated and we told her we’d redecorate it for her. She said she likes that the paint is a little faded and the wall paper is “old fashioned”, we’ve offered new furniture, to carpet it (just floor boards right now, band sanded and varnished). She keeps saying it’s fine as it is, but we did get her a rug and a taller bookshelf.

She has taken up a habit of sticking stuff to the walls, a poster she got from a tourist shop for free that’s a bit tatty, a random vintage tennis racket etc. That’s fine though. My actual issue is one wall is so random, I know it’s not my room, but she has sticky notes with random quotes from books, pages from books ripped out, a letter from her boyfriend etc. Tbh it’s an eyesore and very random and all tapped up with cello tape.

DH thinks it’s fine, she hasn’t asked us to redecorate and it’s how she wants it. I’m almost never in there so it doesn’t impact me, but I do go in and hoover and change her bedding occasionally (she does her own most of the time but sometimes to be nice I do it). Also my kids have recently had their rooms redone so I would never let them do this, I also think it’s quite childish for someone in their 20s.

AIBU to hate this and suggest she finds another way to display this stuff? Or should I just let her do as she wishes?

OP posts:
MaryTheTurtle · 28/05/2025 17:47

Close the bedroom door and move along. You’ve tried and she doesn’t want to redecorate.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/05/2025 17:50

Maybe you could compliment her personal taste instead and as about her inspiration. Support what makes her an individual, perhaps it will help her feel warmer towards you.

BoldnessReborn · 28/05/2025 17:50

Let her enjoy her space while you enjoy yours!

Invite her to do something she would like with you from time to time but no pressure for a particular outcome.

yeesh · 28/05/2025 17:51

why are you so controlling?

yestothat · 28/05/2025 17:53

Nothing childish about it, it’s creative and individualistic.

Stop going in her room and it won’t affect you.

Balanch · 28/05/2025 17:54

It’s not your room, you say you’re barely in there, she cleans it most of the time, move on. Putting posters and random stuff up on the wall is basically the staple of every 20 something student. Yabu and weird about this

hoarahloux · 28/05/2025 17:55

She has a wall where she sticks up things that are meaningful to her. Let her get on with it.

How much effort have you made to learn her and DH's language, by the way?

MoistVonL · 28/05/2025 17:56

That is quite a level of nit picking! Leave the lass alone, she’s expressing herself in her own space. You don’t have to approve.

Tindelle · 28/05/2025 17:57

It’s her room, leave her be. Why is it in a eyesore if you aren’t in the room

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2025 17:57

YABU. Honestly just don’t look at it.

crumpet · 28/05/2025 17:58

Leave her to it. If the walls were freshly painted and the paint was being damaged I’d be less happy, but as it all need to be decorated anyway, I’d ignore it

moanamovie · 28/05/2025 17:58

I COVERED my childhood bedroom walls with anything and everything after my Mum refused to change the pink wallpaper I chose aged 6 😂 posters, tickets, drawings, photos, wristbands from gigs. I covered every inch of the four walls and even the ceiling. I loved it, my Mum probably hated it but let me do it happily as it was my space and my decision. Took me bloody ages to remove it all when we moved!! She’s making her space her own, please don’t upset her by suggesting she does something else. If my stepdaughter felt that comfortable to do that to her bedroom in my house I’d be pleased, as long as she’s damaging anything let her crack on!

DoAWheelie · 28/05/2025 17:59

You don't like her so you are looking for any reason you can to justify it. This is a total non issue. She's happy with how she likes it in her room and you barely need to see it. It's not causing damage as the room is old anyway and would be redecorated before anyone else used it.

She needs time to slowly get used to being around you and getting hostile about nothing is only going to slow that down. If you drive her away there is a good chance your partner goes with her.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/05/2025 17:59

I think her style sounds interesting and eclectic, @Eriani - but you don’t agree, which is fair enough - you have every right to your opinion, but you don’t have the right to impose your opinion on what she does in her room. As @MaryTheTurtle says, close the door, and move on.

This really is not the hill to die on.

MorrisonsPlatter · 28/05/2025 18:00

YABVU

minnienono · 28/05/2025 18:00

Completely normal for a 20 year old. What’s the problem. How about you learning their language?

Ellie1015 · 28/05/2025 18:01

Yabu. The room needs decorating anyway. Leave her be. I would be glad she was making it her own.

Whatifitallgoesright · 28/05/2025 18:01

Sticking ideas and insprirations and quotes and drawings up on a wall is something creative people do. It helps to see things on a wall, it might be how she plans things out. It's her space. You're not showing the house to prospective buyers are you. Leave her alone and let her do her thing as long as she keeps it relatively clean and it doesn't smell in there. You might like the rest of the house greige and minimalist. She clearly doesn't.

DorothyStorm · 28/05/2025 18:01

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/05/2025 17:59

I think her style sounds interesting and eclectic, @Eriani - but you don’t agree, which is fair enough - you have every right to your opinion, but you don’t have the right to impose your opinion on what she does in her room. As @MaryTheTurtle says, close the door, and move on.

This really is not the hill to die on.

I agree.

Digdongdoo · 28/05/2025 18:01

Stop going in there if you don't like looking at it. Her room, her choice.

waterrat · 28/05/2025 18:02

God this is a sad post. She is a young adult just enjoying her room. That's how I decorated my rooms in my teens/early 20s.

ProtectTransRights · 28/05/2025 18:02

Her room her choice. Just don't go in there if it bothers you so much

FutureCatMum · 28/05/2025 18:03

She’s wanting to personalise her room, what’s wrong with that? You don’t need to like it or approve of her taste, that’s for her to decide.
Stop nitpicking or she’ll resent you.
Also did you never put posters up on your bedroom wall? Mine was covered when I was younger.

TwentyKittens · 28/05/2025 18:03

YABVU. She's happy with her room so leave her to it.

Why not learn their language so you can join in their conversations?

MyUmberSeal · 28/05/2025 18:03

How is it an eye sore if it’s her room, I assume not many other people are going in it. I think she sounds pretty kooky an cool. Leave her be.