‘Child-free’ wedding

[BeZanyUmberBird]

I know this is a contentious issue but my fiancé and I always intended to have a child-free wedding. We sent out the invitations 3 months ago and everyone worked it out. In our circles most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time! The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited (10) and that we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come.
without dripfeeding, this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him. Despite him being family he never engages with us when we see him and is more interested in his Nintendo switch. I’m keen for us to stick to what we decided but my DF has been guilt tripped into saying he can come. Now I’m annoyed because a) I feel like we’ve been emotionally manipulated into saying yes and b) DF didn’t discuss it with me. He says we can go back on it but then I’ll look like the AH for putting my foot down and it’ll be awkward. I also feel bad because I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare. AIBU? Or what do I do? Suck it up?

She actually said they either didn't have kids or were keen to have a relaxing day without them so even more contradictory. Maybe people were being polite about their kids not being invited and the hassle of getting childcare.

Close family children (as in the couple own children and their nieces/nephews plus the couples siblings) is quite normal at "child free" weddings. Most people understand the difference.

Probably be quite dull for him though.

You say he's a PITA and that he likes playing on his switch, would he quietly play on his switch during the wedding? If so I don't see what harm he's doing.

I would be annoyed if my husband invited someone without asking though.

Weddings are a happy occasion, and especially for friends and family. Children at weddings aren't a nuisance, they just enjoy the food and excitement and attention.
He'll probably be fine, so don't worry about it.

It doesn't matter what the reason is. Her fiancé had no right to override the decision they'd both made without consulting her.

Children aren't a nuisance at weddings? Hollow laugh.

I would be very very upset at his back tracking, even more so because the 10 year old is a PITA.

This is on your fiance to sort out.
I had a wedding with lots of family children, my choice.

I think it is disgracefully rude to insist your child can go and threaten to not go.

You accept or decline the invite, as is your right, not make threats.

If his brother refuses to come thats on him.
This is setting an awful precedence in your marriage.

You and your wishes clearly are less important than his brother.

Think about that.

Family dc should always be invited imo. Get him a gaming station somewhere and some 'special snacks' and he'll be happy and out of your way, also his parents will be happy.

No, your fiancé shouldn’t have caved without talking to you, but TBH I don’t think this is a huge deal. He will be your nephew.

Either let him spend the day with his nose in his switch, with headphones so the noise doesn’t distract, or give him a role as a junior groomsman so his father can keep an eye on him, and nobody else can complain because he has a specific role and isn’t just an exception to the no kids rule.

Some ten year olds ARE a pain in the arse!

OP, I'm having a child-free wedding. Only one person has complained a bit and I sorted it with a phone call.

If you allow one child, everyone who has one who has not brought them will be pissed off... So you will have to go all or nothing IMO.

I have a 10yo. He is frequently a pain in the arse.

It's his wedding too.

He's going to look like he's under the thumb if he said - I need to consult first - he's made up his mind his brother and SIL mean more to him than a child free wedding.

Even if he did consult what was Op going to say stick to her guns and cause a fall out between her and DF or him and his family.

I think it's perfectly acceptable even at a child free wedding to invite close family children. He is your nephew after all and so I think it would be nice to invite him. It seems unnecessarily harsh to exclude him regardless of your feelings for him. Your bridesmaids will understand you making an exception for close family children.

Eugh, if I was maid of honour for my sister and she said her niece or nephew couldn't come I'd be so pissed off. In fact, that nearly did happen, and it nearly blew the family apart as our parents said they wouldn't come either as what was the point of getting married and joining families together if you didn't want the family there to celebrate.

Then it'll be up to his wife too look after her DS...
If she plans not to then she can do as she's threatening and stay home with him.

I do understand where you're coming from though.
Although equally guests should recognise that although it's stated as child free families DC will still be included.

I've only ever noticed children (including mine) being a PITA at weddings. It's really boring for them sitting through speeches and eating at long meals.

Thankfully, most we're invited to are child-free.

Hold the line. Childfree means all children, not just everyone else’s.

That all sounds like emotional blackmail by you and your parents. I'd be pissed off if I were your sister.

Mine behaved well at weddings. It's important to get them used to mixing socially. Most children are perfectly capable of sitting through a ceremony and speeches. They're usually happy with the attention!
I've been to many weddings where children were always well behaved, but in my culture we don't tend to exclude them from events.

Not really. Why would we attend a wedding centred around family when they didn't want family there? Either immediate family attends, or they don't. Her choice. You'd only be pissed off if your priority is to have an Instagram wedding rather than for deeper reasons.

The groom's nephew (especially as it sounds like he's the only nephew/niece) attending a generally childfree wedding isn't unusual or something for people to get mardy about.

Unless you were the bride's sister it's not remotely comparable.

I just don't even understand child free weddings as a concept. It's such an arbitrary way to exclude a whole bunch of people, especially if you exclude older children too, like 10yos who play quietly on their Nintendo.

Imagine if you said "no over 65s at my wedding, they spoil the vibe".

Yes it's his wedding too but if they made a decision together I think it's disrespectful to override it without consulting his fiancée.