‘Child-free’ wedding

[BeZanyUmberBird]

I know this is a contentious issue but my fiancé and I always intended to have a child-free wedding. We sent out the invitations 3 months ago and everyone worked it out. In our circles most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time! The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited (10) and that we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come.
without dripfeeding, this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him. Despite him being family he never engages with us when we see him and is more interested in his Nintendo switch. I’m keen for us to stick to what we decided but my DF has been guilt tripped into saying he can come. Now I’m annoyed because a) I feel like we’ve been emotionally manipulated into saying yes and b) DF didn’t discuss it with me. He says we can go back on it but then I’ll look like the AH for putting my foot down and it’ll be awkward. I also feel bad because I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare. AIBU? Or what do I do? Suck it up?

“Everyone’s free to do their wedding their way”

Exactly! You wanted kids there. Some people don’t. And that’s okay 🤷‍♀️

“Nope just didn’t invite too many people”

Again a perfectly legitimate reason why some people don’t invite kids. You acknowledge that you can’t have an endless number yet appear to disagree with me…? Did you understand the point I was trying to make?

I hate when all people have left is to make insinuations about someone's intelligence. I understand you completely of course.

My point:

“Limited budget and limited space at a venue.”

Your response:

“Nope just didn't invite too many people.”

🤦‍♀️

I am so pleased that we got married the year after graduation. None of our peers or immediate family had started families. It meant I didn't have page boys or flower girls. It was like a Uni Reunion with family snd friends from around the world.

I wasn't offend if my children weren't invited to a wedding.
If my Mum or MIL couldn't look after them one of us would attend the wedding.

I did take my new born to a wedding. Breast fed him before the Church service and Granny took him for a walk in the pram during the Church service. We had booked two rooms do Granny could help. Said wedding a baby screamed through the vows.,the flower girl shouted 'I need a poo!'.

Recent wedding one of the kids went upto the bride with a coke in his hand and it went down her dress.....before the photos. Later as the evening guests were going up for the 9pm buffet kids were biting into food putting it down and chucking the food at each other.

I am always shocked that some parents 'forget' to parent.

Difficult now your DF has invited the child.
I would be cross that he didn't discuss it. From what you say he doesn't seem to be the most endearing. It says a lot that his grandparents no longer want to babysit him

OP are you paying for the whole wedding?
Is DF contributing?
Hope you have a prenuptial agreement.

I hope you have a wonderful day and wish you both a life full of love and happiness.

With any luck the PITA child will feel totally out of place without any other kids there and the parents will realise their mistake in bringing him 😊

That's a bit harsh.
The parents might not have other options for babysitters.

I really don't know what people want this wee kid to do, he sits on his Nintendo entertaining himself.
They'd moan even more if he was constantly butting into adults conversations.

Well it’s fine if you’ve got someone to look after them, but if all your family is at the wedding what the hell are you meant to do? Not everyone has shed-loads is sitters in hand - most have one or two family meme beds at best.

Then you don't go. Obviously.

Ok, so you’d be happy to skip your siblings or sibling-in-laws wedding, as they exclude you by not allowing your kid and you’ve no childcare. You say you’d not give a shit, fair enough, most people would be upset by that but each to their own.

IME child free actually means immediate family only. Who is there to look after your nephew if the family are all at the wedding? Sounds like he will sit on his Nintendo in a corner and cause no fuss anyway. It's not like having a toddler deciding to tantrum as you walk down the aisle.

I think starting a war with your future BIL and SIL over this is not a good way to merge families.

How horrible.

You can be upset about it. They will have to accept the consequences.