‘Child-free’ wedding

[BeZanyUmberBird]

I know this is a contentious issue but my fiancé and I always intended to have a child-free wedding. We sent out the invitations 3 months ago and everyone worked it out. In our circles most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time! The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited (10) and that we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come.
without dripfeeding, this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him. Despite him being family he never engages with us when we see him and is more interested in his Nintendo switch. I’m keen for us to stick to what we decided but my DF has been guilt tripped into saying he can come. Now I’m annoyed because a) I feel like we’ve been emotionally manipulated into saying yes and b) DF didn’t discuss it with me. He says we can go back on it but then I’ll look like the AH for putting my foot down and it’ll be awkward. I also feel bad because I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare. AIBU? Or what do I do? Suck it up?

You have the right to request a child free wedding but people also have the right not to attend.
When my children were little I was invited to one. I didn't want to go, the logistics were tricky to arrange childcare and all that
Ex H insisted and foolishly I went to the wedding.
To add insult to injury there was a child there! I was so pissed off.
I missed the vote but I think weddings are about couples coming together AND family. If you and the other half aren't on the same page already that's not great.

Depends on your values, really. Is it about celebrating with those you love and bringing two families together, or is it just about the love between the two of you? Either is fine - but if your priority is the two of you then I'd just elope and save all the drama and upset of excluding people (children)!

@Mjin

why not?? They’re fun!

Yes - our values were the bringing together of the two families but that doesn’t mean you need to include numerous children who will be totally bored at a five course dinner dressed in a suit. Also do you include young children or other friends and family - who is the priority when counting headcount and cost per guest?

That's easy. You just don't accept any invitations to child-free weddings. The bride and groom can have the wedding they want and you can decline the invitation.

Some people don't like children, some people don't like other people's children and some people just prefer child-free weddings.

Well don't then!

The problem here is that someone has decided they are completely entitled enough to attend and drag their disinterested child with them, and then tried to make it ok by putting the groom in an awkward position to agree to this.

When I got married we had children there and thought of them as much as other guests because they're PEOPLE not inconveniences. Bag of activities on the table, toys to play with, age appropriate food. I know it would have been difficult for my friends to come without children and I value them as people with families.

I had a mostly child free wedding but invited nieces and nephews. We did hire a wedding nanny though.
I definitely would have preferred fully child free as the parents can't enjoy themselves as much.
When I get a wedding invite I always try and get my kids watched so I can have a child free night, weddings are such long days for children.

We had a child free wedding but made an exception for immediate family such as nieces and nephews, plus babes in arms. Every other child free wedding I have been to has done the same. I don't think anyone will think twice about your nephew being there.

It's not 'someone' - it's the groom's brother, and the child is immediate family. I think this is very different to just a random guest insisting their child attend.

Still not your wedding or the groom’s brother’s wedding. Respect the ask!

'child free' weddings are an anathema to me, they seem to go against what a marriage is, the joining of two families. They are a reflection of the selfishness of modern society, with people only concerned by what they want. It should not be only about what the bride wants. The bridegroom is equally important and the parents too if they have made a financial contribution. A relative who wanted a 'child free' wedding was then offended by the people who declined as it was difficult to arrange child care.

I thought a wedding was a union about a couple? Obviously the families come with that but that isn’t what the wedding is actually about. I mean some people don’t have any family so 🤷‍♀️

Weddings cost money - kids cost money. Some people can’t afford it. Some people don’t like kids.

It should not be only about what the bride wants I agree. Did you see the bit where OP said it’s what her DF wants too? He doesn’t want the kid there. But it’s okay if they don’t want certain people present on their wedding day, other people do so…

Parents make a financial contribution as a gift. It doesn’t give them the right to say what happens on the day, it’s not their day.

Not everyone is going to be a people-pleaser.
It doesn’t make them selfish.

There would have been over 40 children, mostly under 5, at DS’s wedding if they had included all the children of invitees. This would impact on the number of adults they could invite so they only had their two flower girls (cousins) and any babes in arms.

Exactly this. Limited budget and limited space at a venue. Honestly some people on this thread either have a lot of money or they are not very good at maths/budgeting…

Nope just didn't invite too many people. Everyone's free to do their wedding their way but people are also allowed to decline an invitation.

Good luck with your wedding but i could never get away with telling my family their kids are not welcome at my wedding! It would be uproar but i couldn’t and wouldn’t anyway. Also definitely off topic but i could also never imagine getting married and paying for the whole wedding myself!! I don’t want to be that much the breadwinner my prospective husband isn’t contributing to our big day.

She can have a child free wedding but it does make it such a hassle and people do essentially have to make a decision like this commenter said.

It's his wedding too. Obviously he wants his BEST MAN'S FAMILY THERE. Op I think you've made a rod for your back and of course it's your day but it's kind of selfish to expect people to attend without their kids. It's not relaxing it's a hassle. People spend all day at work away from their kids and you expect them to take up a weekend or leave with more time away. Strange that you call your nephew names when you clearly don't give a fig about him.

That's great but that's also your choice.

The truth is weddings are just as boring to adults really. Especially English ones.

I love weddings - nothing boring about them. I like everyone’s different styles and ideas. Chance to dress up, good food and drink and time to celebrate with the happy couple.

What do you find boring about them?

@Cocolebombom

speak yourself! You don’t speak for me - I love weddings.

chance to dress up, have some fizz, nice food, mill about a nice venue, seeing people who you love get married, dancing etc etc
what’s boring about it?!

Definitely not boring just considering 42% end in divorce.

I think it is odd to not invite the best man's child. This boy will be your nephew! If he is 10 and just plays on his Switch then he won't cause any bother