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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Child-free’ wedding

337 replies

BeZanyUmberBird · 28/05/2025 12:49

I know this is a contentious issue but my fiancé and I always intended to have a child-free wedding. We sent out the invitations 3 months ago and everyone worked it out. In our circles most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time! The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited (10) and that we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come.
without dripfeeding, this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him. Despite him being family he never engages with us when we see him and is more interested in his Nintendo switch. I’m keen for us to stick to what we decided but my DF has been guilt tripped into saying he can come. Now I’m annoyed because a) I feel like we’ve been emotionally manipulated into saying yes and b) DF didn’t discuss it with me. He says we can go back on it but then I’ll look like the AH for putting my foot down and it’ll be awkward. I also feel bad because I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare. AIBU? Or what do I do? Suck it up?

OP posts:
ALJT · 28/05/2025 16:12

I mean on one hand he’s family.. your finances family but on the other hand, what is a 10 year going to get out of a wedding with no other kids there… he’s going to be bored. I’m on the fence with this one but ultimately do stand by it’s yours and your partners wedding

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 16:13

Needspaceforlego · 28/05/2025 15:56

What do you mean what?

If Ops having a bunch of oldies for flower girl and other brides maids why shouldn't the Groom inc his nephew as part of the wedding party?

Show quote history

Who said she is? Presumably he is also having a bunch of oldies as his groomsmen. They agreed a child free wedding. He doesn’t have the right to alter that without a discussion.

CosyLemur · 28/05/2025 16:14

Child-free weddings I've been to there's always been an exception for family children to attend.

Ladysodor · 28/05/2025 16:17

Should have stuck to your guns, but I really don’t see why folk want child free weddings, it’s not as if you’re responsible for them. And is one anti-social ten year old really going to be a problem?

Youremylobster86 · 28/05/2025 16:21

I'm having a 'child free' wedding next year, but own children/nieces/nephews are the exception. So I think YABU.

SouthLondonMum22 · 28/05/2025 16:25

Ladysodor · 28/05/2025 16:17

Should have stuck to your guns, but I really don’t see why folk want child free weddings, it’s not as if you’re responsible for them. And is one anti-social ten year old really going to be a problem?

I had a child free wedding because I wanted my wedding to be an adult event and not full of children. I didn't want children on the dance floor, crying during vows, misbehaving because they were bored etc.

Part of the very issue is that you aren't responsible for them which means that if they do play up, you aren't in control to do much about it and a parent can very well just not do a thing about it and allow them to spoil the wedding.

PurpleHiker · 28/05/2025 16:30

I’ve been to many children-free weddings and they have all made exceptions for nieces and nephew’s of the bride/groom.

Islagetmycoat · 28/05/2025 16:31

Disco2022 · 28/05/2025 12:55

I think child free weddings are rubbish, it's a family event some of my favourite memories as a child are at family weddings, and I loved all the children dancing and playing at mine, they really upped the vibe!
Just let children come and I'm sure you won't notice on the day because you'll just be all happy with getting married.

She’s made it clear she doesn’t want kids at her wedding

RainbowMoonbeam · 28/05/2025 16:32

This comment thread is why I eloped!

It's your wedding, you have every right to decide to have it child free.

This is a huge red flag from your fiancee, he absolutely should have discussed this with you. Frankly if he's not qilling to put you first on your wedding day he never will.

Put your foot down hard.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/05/2025 16:34

She’s made it clear she doesn’t want kids at her wedding

And the groom has now made it clear he wants his nephew there.

It's his wedding too.

EggnogNoggin · 28/05/2025 16:37

It'd child free or its not.

You're in for a world of hurt if you make an exception.

DH fucked up, he needs to fix.

Itsallsostressful · 28/05/2025 16:37

Emmz1510 · 28/05/2025 16:07

Child free weddings are pretentious and selfish, sorry. It’s one thing excluding children, quite another excluding children who are actual family members. Especially older children who know they are being left out. You say you don’t know him, but yet you call him a PITA? Presumably your fiance knows him, given he’s his nephew?
Right old mess you’re in isnt it?

Good to know I'm pretentious and selfish then 😂 loved my child free wedding ta !

CopperWhite · 28/05/2025 16:37

You either have to put your foot down and say no (which is what I would do) or allow your bridesmaids to bring their children. Your fiance can pay for the extra costs because it’s him that put you in this position.

It would be really mean to make an exception for the best man, but not the bridesmaids, who arguably have more costs than men associated with doing you the favour of being bridesmaids.

nightmarepickle2025 · 28/05/2025 16:38

It's your fiance's nephew, your bridesmaids would be stupid to be annoyed that one close relative is allowed to come

Needspaceforlego · 28/05/2025 16:40

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 16:13

Who said she is? Presumably he is also having a bunch of oldies as his groomsmen. They agreed a child free wedding. He doesn’t have the right to alter that without a discussion.

Show quote history

What do you mean ?

She said her bridesmaids were arranging babysitters, the flower girls are obviously too old to have children who need baby sat.

Why is she allowed to include who she wants but the only mention of the groom is his brother / bestman yet he isn't allowed to include his nephew.

Groom obviously wasn't comfortable with excluding his nephew and made a decision. Its his wedding and family too.

ToAlwaysWonder · 28/05/2025 16:40

We also had a child free wedding. With the exception of our brother and sisters children. We both felt excluding immediate family was a bit much, even if we didn’t want them there.

I completely understand your view point, but you sound a little entitled comparing your finances, brothers son to your friends children. They are not family.

user193636 · 28/05/2025 16:41

pinkyredrose · 28/05/2025 13:02

How is that judgemental? Some 10yr olds can be almighty pains in the arse!

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As a mother of a 10 year old I support this statement 100% 😂

IberianBlackout · 28/05/2025 16:43

Eh, the issue with this is if one kid can come, why can’t the others? Obviously it’s not up to the guests to decide who comes and who doesn’t but some could be annoyed.

I don’t know if this is any help but my cousins had babysitters at their wedding and a room set up for the kids, we only joined the adults during the meals really. I don’t think child free was a concept anyway back then, but it was a great wedding.

The babysitters were mostly teens just side eyeing the kids and smoking, but that’s French teens for you lol

steelingmyself · 28/05/2025 16:45

I’m in the childfree weddings by enforcement are rubbish and weird camp.

I don’t think your necessarily being unreasonable but neither is your brothers fiance or wife 🤷🏻‍♀️. If your going to set guest list specifications like this people are going to be offended and/or won’t be able to make it!

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 16:45

Needspaceforlego · 28/05/2025 16:40

What do you mean ?

She said her bridesmaids were arranging babysitters, the flower girls are obviously too old to have children who need baby sat.

Why is she allowed to include who she wants but the only mention of the groom is his brother / bestman yet he isn't allowed to include his nephew.

Groom obviously wasn't comfortable with excluding his nephew and made a decision. Its his wedding and family too.

Show quote history

Where is there any mention of babysitters? The flower girls are octogenarians…. Attending a child free wedding. The nephew will be the only child.

LouH1981 · 28/05/2025 16:46

The only child free weddings I have been to have made an exception for immediate family. So I can see why they might feel a bit miffed.
Similarly, it’s your day and if you are adamant he might ruin things then I get why you might be reluctant to invite him.
Could you compromise and allow him to come for just part of it, say, evening do or wedding breakfast onwards? Then he isn’t completely left out but your ceremony is safe.
I don’t envy you, OP, my pita family took over my wedding too. In hindsight I wish I’d told them to jog on tbh.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/05/2025 16:46

CopperWhite · 28/05/2025 16:37

You either have to put your foot down and say no (which is what I would do) or allow your bridesmaids to bring their children. Your fiance can pay for the extra costs because it’s him that put you in this position.

It would be really mean to make an exception for the best man, but not the bridesmaids, who arguably have more costs than men associated with doing you the favour of being bridesmaids.

Unless the bridesmaids are the OPs sisters, or the grooms sister, they absolutely don't have to be allowed to bring their children simply because the Groom's brother is allowed to bring his.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/05/2025 16:48

Where is there any mention of babysitters? The flower girls are octogenarians…. Attending a child free wedding. The nephew will be the only child.

Literally the OP. She says her bridesmaids would have loved to bring their children and have bent over backwards to organise babysitters.

Needspaceforlego · 28/05/2025 16:48

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 16:45

Where is there any mention of babysitters? The flower girls are octogenarians…. Attending a child free wedding. The nephew will be the only child.

Edited
Show quote history

I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare

Bottom of the opening post.

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 28/05/2025 16:51

How much do you care about your fiancé's sister in law being there? If his brother is best man he's going to be busy all day anyway, so perhaps it's no big deal if she doesn't come. The rule is no children. Unless there are some children on your side going? In which case they are right to be annoyed, because it's either no children or it's not. But you can make exceptions for close family, providing it's fair on both sides.

Take your choice. Either allow nieces and nephews (all of them) or say no kids at all and let his wife decide whether she wants to come or not. Her call.

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