‘Child-free’ wedding

[BeZanyUmberBird]

I know this is a contentious issue but my fiancé and I always intended to have a child-free wedding. We sent out the invitations 3 months ago and everyone worked it out. In our circles most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time! The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited (10) and that we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come.
without dripfeeding, this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him. Despite him being family he never engages with us when we see him and is more interested in his Nintendo switch. I’m keen for us to stick to what we decided but my DF has been guilt tripped into saying he can come. Now I’m annoyed because a) I feel like we’ve been emotionally manipulated into saying yes and b) DF didn’t discuss it with me. He says we can go back on it but then I’ll look like the AH for putting my foot down and it’ll be awkward. I also feel bad because I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare. AIBU? Or what do I do? Suck it up?

Easier said than do! We had 4 children at our wedding and everyone else was told no cos they £70 a head

Oh dear, just a point, you say at 10 years old he doesn’t engage with you. Really wow, should you not engage with him, he’s the child. Horrible. Your wedding, your decision but I can’t stand this type of situation, he is your nephew to be and you speak like he is such a problem.

I had exactly the same issue with husband's brother. We stuck to our guns, they were furious but came all the same minus their child.

If they are invited, I take them because I know it means the bride and groom will want them there.

It also means other children will likely be there so the wedding is going to be different anyway which is not my preference but not my wedding so my preference doesn't matter.

I think it’s fine - family are different. I think you have to explain to the bridesmaids though, I found it awkward when I had a really hard time getting childcare cover for my kid only to have it cancel and my DH was unable to go to the wedding - but everyone else had kids there!

People who specify child free weddings are twats

and it’s that attitude why we didn’t invite people like you to our child free amazing wedding!!

If you’d invited us, we wouldn’t have gone.

Like I said. Twats

All 300 invited guests accepted.

Isn't that a personal attack?

Then more fool them

Why - because someone does something different than you would?

@Ginny98

maybe they were happy to spend some time away from their kids? They could properly relax and let their hair down

The same could be said for those who think that their children should be invited to every single event.

Some events are or can be adult only and that's absolutely fine.

What will the nephew do at the wedding as the only child there? Surely he would much prefer a sleepover or a day out with friends / his mother’s family?

My experience too. Children of immediate family and wedding party are usually exempt from child-free rules. And this is pretty standard.

Maybe his mother hasn't got family.

#TeamTwatFTW!

I don’t see why you feel the need to exclude a 10 year old? He’s hardly a small child likely to ruin the ceremony or have a tantrum during the speeches is he?! Also as your fiancée’s nephew he is immediate family. It’s not the same as your bridesmaids not being allowed to bring their kids

My sister had a child free wedding, my baby ( 4 month old at the time) wasn't even invited. I've never told her this as i wouldnt want to upset her, but I would have enjoyed the wedding so much more if my baby had been invited, I was genuinely gutted but I had to respect thier choice. I think for immediate family, children should be invited.

There could be a load of reasons why his mums family aren't able to have him, distance, fitness, holidays, work, other commitments or simply just don't want to, not all family want to spend time with DGC.

I wouldn't really want to ask friends to have my kid all day and night either.

He's 10 it's not like he's a tiny kid who doesn't know how to behave and will inturpt the wedding. Or a tiny kid who the music will be too loud for.

10 year olds aren't toddlers but some of them definitely still don't know how to behave. Especially if he is bored and sulky because he's the only child there.

Totally get why you went for a child free wedding - it is your wedding and your choice. tbh it does sound like your fiancé's brother's wife was the one who actually had the problem with this and he was sent to ask his brother.

Whether or not you agree it is about respecting the ask. They should have not asked, your fiancé should not have agreed.

I personally think close family children (nephews and nieces) should be at their uncle/aunties wedding. We didn’t invite friends children, but I would never have left out my nephews and nieces!

I think it’s awful not to invite the grooms nephew. Why would a 10 year old particularly interact with you? How do you try? Yes perhaps his parents should teach him to interact to be polite but it’s not a big deal.