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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - my husband is constantly messaging my friend

152 replies

burns4273 · 25/05/2025 17:44

So my husband and I have a mutual friend through our gym. However, they also work together in the same building and have been working out together in their lunch break. They then also spend time in the gym in evenings and weekends. At first this didn’t bother me - I felt a bit left out but that’s my issue not his.

however, they are constantly messaging. He sent me a “spicy picture” but when I checked his phone I know i shouldn’t have he sent it to her first. By 10 minutes.

this is wearing me down and I have tried to bring it up sensibly in the past but he just kicks off saying it’s my fault for not trusting him or believing him when he says he loves me. I told him that I do trust him but this is hurting me and playing on my insecurities - but yet it continues

any tips on how I can bring this up without the whole “why were you looking at my phone”. I do want to save the relationship - we have been together for 15 years. And this has been the biggest argument.

thanks

OP posts:
asnever · 25/05/2025 17:45

What do you mean a spicy pic? Of himself?

Original poster
burns4273 · 25/05/2025 17:45

Yes - a selfie in just his boxers

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 25/05/2025 17:47

Sorry but he’s taking the piss. He’s clearly invested in her, maybe not physically but certainly emotionally.

ForkyDorky · 25/05/2025 17:49

I can’t begin to get my head around how they are both behaving and you’re the one supposed to feel bad for looking at his phone?

HenDoNot · 25/05/2025 17:49

She is not your friend and he will be in her knickers the split second she allows him to be.

Chocolate85 · 25/05/2025 17:50

He sent her a pic in his boxers? She’s “both of your friend” but spends all this time alone with your husband? Incredibly inappropriate, I’m not sure how you save a relationship where one person thinks that behaviour is ok. Would it be ok for you to send a pic of yourself in underwear to a mutual male friend? Sorry OP, he’s full of shit.

wizzywig · 25/05/2025 17:51

I'd ve so tempted to ask your friend about the pic

11thofNever · 25/05/2025 17:53

Oh OP, he's trying to see if she will reciprocate his advances, he'd cheat on you the moment she says yes.

asnever · 25/05/2025 17:53

burns4273 · 25/05/2025 17:45

Yes - a selfie in just his boxers

Oh he can fuck right off with that. Arsehole!

Wednesdayisme · 25/05/2025 17:55

Time to ditch both, a real friend would put a stop to it right away.

Have you said anything to them?

Orangemintcream · 25/05/2025 17:55

Depending on your opinion he is cheating now by doing this or intends to do in future if she will have him.

Ugh what a prince among men.

Rosesanddaffs · 25/05/2025 17:58

Send a picture of yourself in your underwear to his friend and see how he likes that, he’s taking the piss xx

Endofyear · 25/05/2025 17:58

Do you really want to save the relationship if he's having an affair with this woman? I've never sent a picture of myself in my underwear to a friend, have you? He's obviously up to no good or at least trying to be. If I were you I'd be thinking I'd be better off without a cheating, lying partner who prefers to spend his time with someone else.

SpunkySquid · 25/05/2025 18:00

He sent her a picture of himself in his boxers? Seriously. LTB

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/05/2025 18:02

I wouldn’t bring it up. I’d plan to leave. And take everything I could in the divorce. He send an underwear shot to another women FFS. BEFORE he sent to you. Yuk - recycled dirty pictures. Your boundaries are in the toilet.

BookArt55 · 25/05/2025 18:03

Just because honest. Moisturised actions led you to have doubts, which were completely correct. But before you talk to him, is this a boundary/trust you can rebuild? Or is trust broken? Especially given he saying you're unreasonable.
I don't think I could come back from that, sorry.

HoumusRumours · 25/05/2025 18:03

Lunch time, evenings and weekends and you’re not supposed to be unsettled? Judge his actions, not his words.

Koazy · 25/05/2025 18:03

Dont put up with that shit

dontcomeatme · 25/05/2025 18:05

Okay I believed you when you first said they were friends, work together, gym together, I get it. But sending spicy pics ? That's no longer a friendship. End it now.

AndyouWILLATONE · 25/05/2025 18:06

Please can you help me understand why you think it's acceptable for your partner to send pictures of himself in his boxers to your friend?
In no world is this normal.
Can you see that? If so, why do you want to keep trying to maintain this relationship when he's not invested in you.

londongirl12 · 25/05/2025 18:09

As soon as my husband sent a selfie in his boxers to another woman, that would be the end of my relationship.

eldermillenialmum · 25/05/2025 18:09

The pic is not okay

way to bury the lead OP!

LaaLaaLady · 25/05/2025 18:10

burns4273 · 25/05/2025 17:45

Yes - a selfie in just his boxers

15 years and he respects you so little he sends underwear pics to another women? And you want to save this? Hun.

Dinosweetpea · 25/05/2025 18:10

Oh no no no.
This is game over. Sorry.

SunnySideDeepDown · 25/05/2025 18:11

Would he be happy for you to be sendy underwear pics to men?

Try it. Send a sexy photo to his friend and see what he thinks.

They’re probably cheating OP - it smacks of an affair.