Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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This may be a drama over nothing. Brother 2 might already know.

The OP will know better than the internet how this is likely to affect brother 2. It could be incredibly hurtful to him.

Maybe it would be better to discuss it with their parents and suggest a different split, one that doesn’t completely disinherit their son. But how they will explain that they have read a very private document without their agreement will be interesting.

They may all be disinherited.

Exactly this. It seems very sensible to me and well considered. It ensures that their DGC benefit, and not the children of your SIL. And who can blame them.

I suppose the disinherited brother will see the trustee thing as a big deal, because the parents will be dead so he'll see it as his siblings gatekeeping "his" inheritance, even though that's not the case.

It also means that it's not something that is just one big argument and then over, every time one of his DC meets whatever conditions are in the will (i.e. turns the specified age, or if there are other conditions like various milestones - graduation/marriage, etc.) they'll have to come to his siblings to organise getting their money, which will probably feel quite cap-in-hand. It's also not clear how it would work if, for example (obviously hopefully it wouldn't) something happened to one of the DGC - e.g. they got a life-threatening disease and their father (the disinherited brother) wanted access to their money early to try and fund private treatment - I assume it would be the trustees who could decide whether to grant this or not. What if one of the DGC went to prison - could the trustees decide not to give them their share?

Also what happens to the money while it's in trust - do the trustees have a responsibility to, for example, make sure it's in a high-interest bank account? Will the disinherited dad feel annoyed if they don't make that effort?

It also might feel unfair to the DC of the 3 siblings who are going to inherit, if their cousins get a lump sum at the age of 18 or whatever and they don't - like they are considered less mature or trustworthy than their cousins (this happened in my family).

OP the only thing I could suggest is leave it a while so they don't suspect you've been snooping and then try and bring it up to your parents to try and get them to tell you themselves. There was stuff in the news (and a thread on here) this week about more and more people leaving their money directly to GC rather than children, for example, you could use something like that or a made up friend as a conversation starter.

Then if they tell you their plan, try and tell them how awkward it would be, that it's an unfair thing to put on the three of you, do they want their legacy to be their children potentially falling out with each other and resenting them once they've gone, etc.
But yeah I'd be annoyed at brother telling you as well.

Completely off topic but if she manages to get private treatment I’d love to know how!
My poor mum has just broken her wrist and despite being fully covered through Bupa we couldn’t find a single surgeon in West Yorkshire who does private trauma orthopaedics. Only elective. Even though it was nearly 2 weeks after the injury that she had the surgery. She only got in then due to me ringing the secretary daily and being a very good advocate (or total pita depending on your perspective!) We were told it was due to private hospitals not having plaster rooms and then she wasn’t discharged with a plaster anyway. Healthcare is all a shitshow now even if you can pay.

Being a trustee is an ongoing and onerous task, particularly if the will is likely to be contentious. Have you also been named as executors? Another onerous task! Your parents should have asked your permission to name you as a trustee - it's a role that you can renounce, but it's not necessarily straightforward to do so. I think your parents are not only misguided to leave one child out of their will (a horrible thing to do), they also have an enormous cheek to expect three of you to be trustees without even asking you!

I don’t understand. Why would you meet to discuss someone else’s will?

Does your brother intend to try to pressurise your parents to change it? I would steer very clear of that.

Honestly OP, I would have nothing to do with this.

I don't see why anyone else would sign up to a deed of variation.

I don't think OP has said but presumably at least one of the siblings who have been included in the will have children of their own (or will have).

So if those three agree to split their inheritance four ways between them to include the brother, then he and his family benefit in a way that the other three siblings and their families do not. Because the other three siblings will have given him a portion of their inheritance (which could otherwise have gone to benefit their own families) PLUS the disinherited brother's children will STILL receive their portion. This is something that has not been provided for the children of the other siblings in the will.

Why should disinherited brother and his kids get to benefit from the will MORE than anyone else?

I would have probably have read that will if I'd been OP's brother. I'm only human. But I certainly hope I wouldn't have told the other siblings, far less start trying to organise family conclaves to come up with a plan of action.

This ^

So long as the disinherited brother's children get their quarter share of the estate there's nothing to stop the 4 siblings splitting the remaining three quarters between them.

However, the downside of that for the three siblings who inherit under the will is that they will each get a smaller share of the estate and the disinherited brother and his children might end up getting more than the other siblings - depending on how it's divvied up.

Or the siblings could keep their noses out of their parents' business...

Your parents can rightly do what they want with their money.
they are sharing equally with all4 offspring but they dont trust that’s DBs decisions will enable him to keep his money so they are jumping to secure his kids instead which is very insightful of them

So the brother who found it, is the one who is left out of the will?
Leave it to him to discuss it with your parents

Go against your parents’ wishes? Nice, real nice.

You can only do that it ALL the beneficiaries negatively affected agree - that means the two children.

Now I wonder how that would go? "Hey kids, your grandparents have left you a nice pot of money! But instead of you getting it we want your dad to get it instead"

That would be quite a hard sell.

Also, if either of them are under the age of 18 then it cannot be done anyway.

People who weaponise their estate by disinheriting offspring really ought to be prepared to face the fallout if it gets discovered while they are alive.

Seems a bit cowardly to let the grenade explode after you’ve died so everyone else has to deal with the fallout.

So glad I’m an only child! It does get complicated when trustee me decides to make a distribution to beneficiary me though🤣! All in my bank but different tax brackets.

Blow this one up now. The money’s theirs to do as they wish legally. You can be as unpleasant as you want in English will law, unlike the rest of the world.

DP don’t have the right to be unfair or spiteful in life though. Or to start family feuds.

I would tell the disinherited one, particularly if eldercare looms. It’s good for all to know where they stand.

Try to forget it, OP. Your brother should not have read the wills or told you about them. Quite possibly they will be changed before your parents die; quite possibly there will be less to leave than you imagine. It is a violation having discovered this information to start having family meetings about it. Try to forget it.

No. Its is the ‘other brother’/‘brother 2’

Well if I was you thats the last time I'd trust that brother! His father trusted him to go to his house to find ONE thing, not to accidentally find other private papers and READ them. I am on team your sister here.

Do nothing.

Your parents don't want any of their estate going to step grandchildren so this is the workaround, and brother 2 loses out. Nobody was meant to find the wills, leave them be. You never know, they could be old versions anyway.

This sort of thing causes irreparable harm.

I am glad your brother saw it. Perhaps you can impress on them the need to divide it equally between all four kids.

But it’s not disinheriting in the true sense. It’s protecting DB2s inheritance if he and his wife split up and it sounds like there might be a reason for the grandparents to think this might happen.

they don’t want their estate going to an ex wife’s children whom they have no relationship with. It’s not quite the same as cutting off an arm of the family

Sounds very sensible to me although may be upsetting for the brother, it is protecting the inheritance from SIL. It is their wishes but it is perhaps unfair to make the other three children trustees in that instance, a third party would make life easier. Siblings can decline the trusteeship if they wish and that might be worth pointing out to the parents to ensure there is someone else that can be a trustee if the siblings don't want the responsibility.

You're mistaken. The beneficiaries who are negatively impacted must agree to it. So that is the grandchildren who are named in the will must agree to it.

If they are under 18 at the time then they cannot legally agree to it anyway.

This is no one's business but your parents. What does your group chat achieve? Do any of you intend to pressure them into changing their mind? MN is very against treating stepchildren differently. But if your parents don't want their assets to go to two children they don't feel any connection to, or a DIL they don't get on with, then that is their right. Plenty of time for assets to get used for care or round-the-world trips of a life time, for both your parents. Your sister is right. He shouldn't have read it or communicated it's contents to either of you.