Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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I don't see how they can do this legally.
They could divide the three portions between the four of them but they couldn't disinherit the brothers children.

It doesn't matter. Clearly the parents think it's in everyone's best interests to ring-fence the money by allocating it to the grandchildren.

I have a friend whose parents did exactly this because they knew she would go out and blow the lot immediately. She didn't mind, she understood.

Those saying none of your business appear to have overlooked that @ChorltonCreamery is a trustee in this arrangement and so it IS her business. Astonished your parents didn’t discuss that with you @ChorltonCreamery but your brother may know already if SIL is tricky…

I’m with Dram here. There can be very good reasons why someone is disinherited.

Emotionally this is likely to hit your DB - even if he already knows, your DP may have spoken to him about it but not you. It’s easy to read mentioned in Will as = love which is likely to cause distress with you and your siblings picking up the pieces.

This may be magnified if the inheritance is a substantial amount because it will tie you in for longer (if the grandkids get £1k each that’s probably one and done when they are of age, if they get £1m each you as trustees are tied in to a lot of work). It’s also not inconceivable that your DB is counting on/planning for a substantial inheritance. Of course he shouldn’t be, but people do.

Sorry you’re in this position OP.

I agree that would be better, but it's not what has happened in this case. These parents have made their wills as they choose and believe them to be private. OP's brother has opened a real can of worms here.
I'm pretty sure that that the heirs can refuse to be trustees when the time comes, and the executor will make another arrangement, if the children are still under age and need one.

Shitshow in waiting.
That will is going to cause a rift.
If you and your sister are already LC/NC with your second brother, it won't affect you.
If not then expect that to be the outcome.
The fairest thing is a four-way split between all four children. Bypassing the fourth child is a fuck you from the grave.
Passing it directly to GC only works if all four of you have kids (and, tbh, the same amount of kids). Ask yourself, how you'd feel if any inheritance (and it's all pie in the sky atm) went to your kids not you.
This happened to my DH's mum.
DH inherited as did his cousins and the daughters were omitted. Except his stepfather got a share too for caring responsibilities making things unequal - his mum and his aunt did not speak for years.
My father was cut out of his mother's will deliberately. He and his brother/sister never spoke again as they knew of it/facilitated it (selling house and draining accounts).
Nobody is owed anything.
Life is easier if you expect nothing.
Stand on your own two feet.
But kudos to your brother OP for seeing the mess/fallout your parents will cause with this.
Anyone who has been privy to the dynamics of a golden child, black sheep rapport, had PIL difficulties or blended family politics knows what such a will will do.
So whilst your sister would rather not have known and resents having the info, not discussing this particular can of worms is ostriching/kicking the can down the road.
It may be there is no inheritance. Problem solved. It may be all is used in care home fees. Problem solved.
But life is easier when these things - powers of attorney, executors and trustees - are discussed in advance. It might not be the British way but it solves opening a can of worms later.

This is why no good comes from being nosey.

My PIL have done this, only they were very open about it.

They have spit it 50/50 between his sister and our two children together.

They don’t want me getting my hands on any of their money (their words). They said they will change it back to him and his sister if he ever divorces me.

Doesn’t bother me, everything we have is for our children one day anyway and they can do what they like with their money.

Dh was hurt but they can do no wrong in his eyes.

Oh, and if anyone is interested, my “crime” was to ask them, very nicely and calmly, after a decade of comments about Indians and “pakis” to please, stop saying those things around me as I find it incredibly hurtful (I am half Indian). World war 3 broke out on thier side and I am the devil.

So they’ve basically divided the estate between their 4 children, but your younger brother’s share will go directly to his children (their grandchildren) in order to bypass his drama-causing wife and avoid a portion of their estate passing to her children, who are entirely unrelated to them?

This seems like an eminently sensible way to divide their assets and ensure their estate passes to their blood relatives.

If you and your siblings are that concerned about a family schism, you could raise that possibility with your parents. But it’s a breach of trust to have read their wills in the first place. And telling your younger brother now would really be stirring the pot at an already difficult time for your parents, which would be a bit shitty. Your brother needs to deal with their wishes as and when he gets to hear them, at the appropriate time, sorry.

I wouldn't be impressed with nosey will reading brother at all.

Bad enough he broke their privacy when asked to help on something completely unrelated, he then compounds his poor behaviour my discussing it with others.

If he had a problem with it, why did he not have the balls to raise it with his parents himself?

I hope it spectacularly backfires and everything is left to children and it spikes a generation.

If anyone questions my will or I find out about them discussing it, I'll write them out.

No one is entitled to inheritance as adults. It's crase expecting or discussing it. It's 100% the choice if the will maker.

Each of the siblings who receives money is being trusted as to what they do with that money. They can blow it on hookers, crack cocaine and fast cars if they want. But one sibling is singled out, he can’t make any choices at all. If I were contemplating doing that to one of my kids I would talk to them first so they understood exactly what I was thinking.

I can never understand the dismissive “they can do what they want with their money” comments. Whilst factually true, they are still bound by all the usual expectations of behaving like decent, loving parents, and considering the potential for ruining other people’s relationships.

Just because I technically “can” do what I want with my money, that doesn’t excuse me being a manipulative shit with it!

They can't. They can share the three quarters that the three children have been left but they can't share the quarter that has been left to the brother's children.

Surely OP's parents should have spoken to their adult children before making them trustees of the 2nd brother's children's share of the inheritance. Can you just appoint trustees without asking them first?

Totally agree.

me too. He was asked to find a specific document not trawl through personal stuff.

Ask yourself, how you'd feel if any inheritance (and it's all pie in the sky atm) went to your kids not you.

Actually, I'd always be absolutely fine with that. I hope to give my kids as much money as I can, not just when I die, but before, so as far as I am concerned that is giving money to me.

My parents put £40K each into an investment for our kids when they were still quite young. I didn't think "Oooh, I could have had that". I was delighted.

It's not an issue yet. It may never be an issue. If it's still the case that it's split this way when both parents die and if all beneficiaries agree then the will can be changed, just write and sign and have witnessed a deed of variation within 2 years of the death.

Unfortunately, they can do what they like with their money. I say unfortunately because obviously it's going to cause issues amongst the siblings down the line....

What's your AIBU?

I’m reading this as 4 children, with 25% going to A, B and C and D’s share going directly to his biological children. That seems perfectly fair to me, they don’t want the risk of it going to SIL or the SC, which is entirely their right and not exactly going to be a surprise if there has been “drama”. I’d refuse to discuss and if it’s brought up again simply say you support your parents wishes.

How does anyone know that they weren't going to talk to their children about it.
The parents are still alive!

Only if the DC in question are all adults. A deed of variation requires consent of all affected beneficiaries. Minors cannot consent, and their parents can’t do so for them

This type of thing is very common, especially when there is a blended family. It sounds like they’ve, sensibly, taken their solicitors advice to ensure their assets pass to their direct descendants.

Not sure what your bother expects you to do about it. A trustee’s duty is to execute the trust according to the settler’s wishes. You don’t have the authority to modify it as you see fit.

They might change their mind at some point, people do. Just leave it be.

Not if the inheriting children are still children they cannot.

Children cannot agree to give up their inheritance, and all parties must agree.

They could only split the shares being inherited by adults.

Completely agree with this - it seems reasonable to me.