Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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Just as classy as reading other people’s private documents and having the arrogance to think you can make decisions about how other adults distribute their estate. We are free to leave our estates to whoever we choose in England. They’ve been pretty fair anyway.

Well exactly, no need for all the drama. It seems pretty obvious that their goal is not to disinherit their son but to protect the inheritance from going to your SIL in case of divorce or death.

I'd speak to parents about it and whether that quarter would be better split 3 ways between brother 2 and his children. Regardless of finances I think it would be very hard to find that out whilst grieving.

I assume that Brother 2 is the only one with stepkids? Also is the drama from the stepkids or brother 2 and his wife ?

I wouldn’t be getting involved as it’s not my money and the grandchildren aren’t being punished for the drama caused by items.

Is brother 2 annoyed that he won’t get money or that his stepkids have been cut out ? I wouldn’t have wanted to know what the will said tbh.

I have to say, I’m wondering what your brother thinks there is to discuss.
I mean, you, your sister and him will receive what is a fair share if the inheritance. So it doesn’t affect him directly.

This means he somehow wants to meddle in his parents choice re the will.
Theres a hell of a lot that is going to come out there, including how he sees his brother, what he thinks is fair etc…

Tbh my answer would be ‘it’s their will. It’s their choice’. But it might not go down well.

I believe once he's passed away, if all siblings agree you can amend his will to split the money equally between you. Might want to look it up for yourself though however at this stage I'd leave it as it's not really your problem.

WHY would you siblings want to get yourselves involved in something you have zero control over?

Any upset over this can't be put on you in any way so why push to get in on it?

Your DB is a cheeky shit for even reading it.

They can do a deed of variation and split their 3 shares between the 4 of them.

They absolutely cannot do a D.o.V to remove money from minors too young to agree to it.

Yes, maybe they are protecting their grandchildren without wanting to leave anything to sils first children if brother predeceases them

I don't think it's about how they distribute their estate as much as it is about appointing trustees. It would be far better to have an independent trustee so the 3 other siblings are not sitting on the excluded one's children's money, with them feeling beholden to them when they ask for it. Surely you can see that's not a great situation for anyone?

They can split their share between them.

You cannot do a deed of variation remove the share from anyone who cannot agree to it - so you cannot take money away from children in that way.

Well, any decent moral human being whose mum isn't in hospital right now and waiting for the details of her health plan so that she can be treated? "Hang on dad, I'll be with you in five after I have read your wills, checked your bank accounts and got the house valued..."

But this seems really reasonable? They have concerns about one son’s lifestyle but don’t want to be unfair to him so are leaving it directly to his biological DC. Well done them IMO. No one else’s business!

The money’s theirs to do as they wish legally. You can be as unpleasant as you want in English will law, unlike the rest of the world.

DP don’t have the right to be unfair or spiteful in life though. Or to start family feuds.

I would tell the disinherited one, particularly if eldercare looms. It’s good for all to know where they stand.

I wouldn't be going to Brother One's meeting and I'd tell him that reading another person's private documents is contemptible.

Exactly. They can only agree to share what has been left to them, which means the other 3 siblings taking a cut to share with the 4th.

Any upset over this is going to be directed at them for years to come if they are trustees. If they don't want to be trustees they should tell the parents that and get them to appoint someone else.

It is up to the people with the money who they leave it to.

Your brother is an interfering snoop.
He didn't trip and fall into reading that, he opened it and took the time to read it through.

Yabu because this isn’t an AIBU question. You expect us to vote how exactly? Chat gets lots of volume too

Brother1 shouldn’t have read the wills. For all you know they may have already discussed the situation with brother2 and done this with his agreement. Either way, there is nothing to discuss, it’s your parents choice, and it’s not fair to inflict this conversation on them while your mother is unwell. Especially given that most people don’t discuss the contents of their will. Leave things as they are and discuss with siblings if needed after your parents are deceased.

It's the trustees business, if the will appoints them trustees.

Ok I thought if they all agreed together they could but thanks for the correction

I'm mean, yes, it's up to them what they do with their money, but could it be a sort 'interim' Will - for the time being perhaps? Because if the disinherited brother divorces his wife for any reason, he's going to be left with nothing from his parents' will, whilst being in the same position as his siblings?

Nothing to chat about really - your DPs can do this if they choose and nobody can make them change it. If DB has anything to say to them about it, he can do so on his own.

He shouldn't have read it and you have no idea if this is the final iteration of the will.

Leave well alone