Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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That’s quite harsh on your DB2 he’ll be gutted when it all comes out.
Rather nasty of your DPs it’ll cause upset & resentment between you siblings later down the line.

But there are many different types of trust and costs and expertise needed (as other PPs have said) and of course we don’t know the age of the child, I’m assuming young though from OP’s phrasing.

The big issue here is the bomb they planned to drop on unwitting adult DC with assumptions about trusteeships without discussion.
If the parents want to set up their estate in this way they should be open and honest with all the children about what they are doing and why, rather than creating potential future strife between siblings to slap the offending brother (or DiL) with their Wills. Unless the estate is large its not worth the strife potential even with advanced discussion but to do it behind all their backs is frankly a shitty way for a parent to behave.

Oh wow, worse when only two.
Did they explain why & did you BIL share it?

I know how complicated parental wills can be, my mum is very vocal about hers since my dad died. She has a tendency to fall out with people and chop and change her mind as to who is in it out the will. She turned her previous will into a worthless document because she'd altered it with biro that many times.

She fell out with the eldest of 3 if us who has always been a bit estranged from the family. None of us have contact with him. She had a new will drawn up that omits him from the will, I've been made trustee - deep joy! The eldest is quite a greedy & not pleasant person and there'll be no hiding that she's gone when the time comes because her ashes will be going in the same resting place as my dad's which the eldest visits in a local churchyard.

I'm not challenging anything though, I don't want her defacing yet another will as I've got the complication of sorting all her affairs when she passes and flogging her house and I don't want legal complications because she's invalidated a will. Some things are best left and bridges crossed when you come to them.

I haven't read the entire thread but is it possible that DB2 already knows he is officially out of the will, but has already had/having his share or a substantial sum now or in the past that has been quietly arranged without his siblings knowing?

There is one way around this you and your other siblings put the goodness of your hearts put some of your inheritance each into a pot and give it to the left out brother

On what basis? They can leave it to who they like, there’s no law (in England anyway) that says they have to share it equally - or even give it to any of their children.

I put a reply on here last night which I still completely agree with. Reading all this further is making me want to pull my hair out! You are unbelievable!
Your parents will have their reasons for wanting to leave it to sons children and not to him. That is their choice and their business and not to anyone to look into their reasons behind it. I'm sure they would have put a lot of thought into it before coming to that decision.
Thankfully your parents aren't deceased yet! Due to the fact that they are very much alive this is all irrelevant and none of your business anyway! I hope they live well into their hundreds!
If I was your poor parents, I had discovered my will had been read without my consent and these conversations had been going on behind my back, I'd be furious! I'd immediately spend all your inheritance on fancy holidays and good times with friends, change my will and leave the rest to a donkey sanctuary!

I remember that , it was so upsetting. The personal things that had belonged to her Mum in particular.

I remember that , it was so upsetting. The personal things that had belonged to her Mum in particular.

And if I were your daughter finding out after your death that you had assumed I would be a trustee and collaborator in your wheeze to bypass my brother, without so much as a discussion - then I’d be profoundly delighted for you to have spent it all before it could cause decades of disrupted relationships between the siblings.

My siblings are worth more to me than your money frankly.

Your parents should be worth more to you than their money.

One of my family members did better than that. She gave nothing to one of her daughters (she had plenty and two step children who were constantly sponging off their well-off father), and she gave everything to her other daughter’s children, who were the only grandchildren related to her by blood.
It is their money and they can do what they want with it! Your brother shouldn’t have told anyone if he came across the will and accidentally read it! I suspect your parents want their grandchildren to benefit and not their son’s wife’s children.
As I said, it’s their money, their choice! Nothing to discuss IMO.

It seems a sensible thing to do if their aim was to stop Dil and her biological DC from getting any of the money to skip ds and leave it to his biological DC.

Well its very clear in this case that the parents' money is far more important to them than their DC future well being and relationships.

Its a really nasty bombshell to drop on your DC, to leave them with this deliberately divisive mess to sort out because you are too cowardly to have an open discussion with them before death. Setting up your DC for decades of ill feeling and fractured relationships is a completely shitty thing for a parent to do.

Have the courage of your convictions and discuss it with them in advance. If you lack the courage then use some of that precious money to pay for professionals to implement - it will still hurt but at least you won’t be weaponising their siblings against the DC who didn’t live up to your expectations.

There is a reason why solicitors generally advise “no surprises” in Wills. This kind of nonsense can destroy family relationships. You would be better leaving it to a donkey sanctuary than using it to hurt your DC in that way

But the real problem here is not even how they wish to leave their money.

This secret set up is designed to cause strife and grievance between the siblings. If they want to use three of the siblings to police the fourth’s share of their precious money they should have that open discussion with all the DC beforehand and get their agreement. They are showing less consideration for their DC relationships than their money.

Yep. Shit stirring from beyond the grave, one final act of spite and control.

I hope the siblings' relationships survive in spite of their parents wherever this happens

So many assumptions here. DB2 might even be grateful.

In the given circumstances, it is possible but unlikely, since the other siblings weren't consulted about the trusteeship. This is not a will made after frank discussions with the family. Seems like the usual grenade scenario.

I’m honestly surprised by the number of posters who think keeping the money strictly to the bloodline is more important than the well being and relationships between all the DC.

Just imagine, you have lost your second parent - always a difficult time anyway. You then discover than not only did your parents not trust you but your siblings will have full control over decisions on your child’s access to the money. The child’s father isn’t even a trustee in the proposed setup.

You have to ask your siblings’ permission to use any of the money for the DC’s benefit but they have absolute right to say “no”. They could also elect to give the DC access to money against your wishes eg to buy a car at 17 or 18 when you don’t think the DC is ready.

Its.a set up designed to cause maximum strife between the siblings, I’d be astonished if any solicitor involved in this kind of Will had not advised against doing it, especially behind the DC backs.

Couldn’t agree more @C8H10N4O2.

Haven't RTFT but something similar happened in my family. One of my DP has married twice, and has two DC from each marriage so their estate was split equally between the two children, and one of the two was split again to ensure that their two grandchildren from the first marriage received a (modest) sum rather than everything going to the children by the second, much younger family. I thought it was an elegant solution.

Actually it reads as if they’ve followed the advice of their solicitor. With the rise in blended families it has become increasingly common, if not standard, to put measures in place to ensure assets pass according to bloodline.

Unfortunately there is a history of tension between the wife and siblings, and between the wife and the parents, and as a result the parents aren’t going to allow her influence over, or access to, any inheritance. They’re not ‘causing’ strife, they’re responding to strife that already exists.

We also don’t know that the parents intend for this to be a secret revealed upon their death. That they haven’t spoken to their children about it prior to the brother finding it does not mean they had or have no intention of doing so.

it has become increasingly common, if not standard, to put measures in place to ensure assets pass according to bloodline.

It might be common but it’s definitely not standard. My parents didn’t do it, nor will I be doing it. Bloodline makes it sound like horses.

Not sure why you think that means it isn’t standard. That your family hasn’t done it does not mean it isn’t an entirely normal thing to do.