Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

.

No there are 4 siblings.

The money is split between 3 siblings and the other quarter to the other siblings children so that they inherit their "parent's" share. The OP explained this sibling has a wife with other kids and doesn't get on with the family so OP's parents have chosen to give his share direct to their grandchildren to cut SIL and her kids getting any benefit.

No need for a family meeting- their wishes their choice.

Normal and standard are two different things. Standard means everyone does it. My family isn’t some rare outlier, we don’t all consider our stepchildren not to be our family because we don’t share DNA.

We don't know the reasons why it has happend. Maybe it was the best thing to do in the circumstances. Son 2's children are going to benefit so he might be ok about the decision.

We don't know that that is why the OPs parents have done it. We don't know what the relationships are with the daughter in law or the step children or what the particular circumstances are.
All we do know is that it is the parent's money and this is what they have decided to do. And they are entitled to do what they want with their money.
Whether anyone agrees with it isn't the point.

We don't know that that is why the OPs parents have done it.

We do actually.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Standard and normal can be used as synonyms, and indeed I am using them as such here. Standard does not mean universal however, and your family choosing not to follow the bloodline route when it comes to inheritance does not negate the normality of doing so.

Ime your family is an outlier.

The second wife and DSC have another side of their family who they may inherit from, so it could be totally fair.

But the parents should talk about it, rather than leave a misunderstanding after their deaths.

There is no way of knowing what divorces, remarriage, blending of families might be in the future of any of the other siblings. This divisive nonsense doesn't even make sense on a 'bloodline' (yuk) level.

I agree. There are some really dreadful and greedy posters on this thread

The parents have their reasons, we don’t know the full story. They’ve made allowances for their grandchildren, bottom line is, they can leave it to who they want. Maybe the left out brother might not be all that bothered? Too many assumptions here 🥴

I don’t for one moment believe a solicitor advised a will designed to cause problems between the children after death and without their knowledge. Its pretty much the opposite of normal advice not to leave shocks behind and to be open about plans to avoid future challenges.

Its not about who they are leaving the money to which seems to be the only thing most posters on this thread can see. Its about secretly creating a set up to administer the money in such a way that it will create rifts in the family for years after their death and undermine the offending brother’s relationship with their genetic grandchild. Its already causing concerns for the OP and her siblings who have discovered the expectation on them to continue the parents’ grievances against the son.

As I said upthread - if they feel that strongly about their precious money and the purity of their bloodline then at least put it in a trust administered by professional trust managers. Of course that would cost more than dumping the problem on the siblings.

The parents have very odd priorities in this situation.

There are certainly a lot of posters who place a higher priority on keeping money in the bloodline on the cheap, than the well being of the adult DC left to deal with the fallout.
I’d say those are the greedy posters, not those who place the well being of the siblings before the cost of professionally administering a trust and a bit of basic honesty.

I don’t for one moment believe a solicitor advised a will designed to cause problems between the children after death and without their knowledge. Its pretty much the opposite of normal advice not to leave shocks behind and to be open about plans to avoid future challenges.

I'm a solicitor. I'm not a family counsellor. The provisions are not unreasonable. It would be better to appoint professional trustees but a will skipping one generation in favour of the next isn't that unusual.

Its not about skipping the generation its about creating a set up which will divide and cause rifts between the siblings and doing it in secret.

You would seriously advise a client to create a secret set up where three of the siblings get to dictate how and when the fourth’s child can use that sibling’s portion of the estate and to do that without even discussing it with the expected trustees? The OP and her siblings have found this by chance and are already unhappy about it.

I’ve never met a solicitor with estate and trust expertise who would advise this kind of secret mind gaming if only due to risk of challenge. Every single one recommends not leaving bombs behind.

It's not for me to advise the parents on what they want to do, only whether it can be done and to advise there is a possibility of a challenge by the brother, but no means a certainty that it would be successful. The parents have decided that 1/4 should go straight to grandchildren.

The OP's and her brother's behaviour is disgraceful.

Could it be they are worried Brother 2 might divorce and SIL2 could walk off with ⅛ of their money ? Telling Brother 2 while they are still alive might bring a lot of trouble upon your parents, enough to inhibit visits to Brother 2's biological children whom they love enough to do this - what an ordeal for you guys running the trust though :o/ Tricky one - good luck

Any of the siblings could end up with a messy divorce, remarriage etc though? Unequal splits based on a snapshot in time are an unwise and unfair move imo. There's another thread running about splitting unequally based on the wealth of a couple of 20 something DCs. Madness as so much can change over a lifetime and the feeling of being seen unequally by DPs could be so very hurtful.

You say yourself she thinks
She doesn't know and neither do we. Nor do we know anything about the relationships or the drama OP mentions
Only the people making the Will know why they have done it. They may be being spiteful or they may be making a perfectly reasonable decision.
But whichever it is it is their prerogative to leave their money to whoever they want.

People do not have to get permission to leave their money to whom they please. I'm leaving equal amounts to my DC but also with a house to share between my 2dgs's. So I suppose my DD's family will receive more. My DS's have had more help getting on housing ladder. It's very unlikely I will ever have any more dgc. Both my DS's insist they don't want DC of their own. it's everyone's own personal decision to make who they wish to leave their assets to. They also don't have to discuss it with beneficiaries before they die either. It absolutely can remain secret until after the death of last remaining parent.

It absolutely can remain secret until after the death of last remaining parent.

Of course it can, but in this case it shouldn’t. I said the other day the parents of OP were controlling shitbags. They re also something else - spineless.

Isn't this quite standard? Its not unusual to want to ensure your biological grandchildren benefit from what you pass on. I've sadly come across a situation where this wasn't done. Grandparents left share to son. Son predeceased his wife, who inherited all his assets. She subsequently died and left everything to her own bio DC and nothing to son's bio DC. So grandparents share went to step dc and not their own bio grandkids.

This'll eventually cause huge upset - your brother will likely be devastated to be left out of your parents' will.

If I found out my mum had left one of my siblings out of her will I'd beg her to change it.

Do people really care when they’ll be dead anyway? I certainly don’t.

Blossomtoes

Of course they care or everyone would just leave their assets to the government to divvy up. Most people want to leave the fruits of their lifes work to their own flesh and blood.

If this happened in my family my siblings and i would understand and would probably suggest to parents to rejig it so that the four shares all went to grandkids directly - so that similar outcome is achieved but all four DC treated the same.

so you'd rather any savings you have go back to the government than to your family/friends/even a charity?

Surely you understand that's a pretty niche view, if nobody cared about what happened to their belongings/money after they died, there wouldn't be a whole tradition and industry of wills, solicitors, inheritance laws, etc...