Brother has found parents’ wills

[ChorltonCreamery]

My mother tripped over a few days ago. Initially all seemed fine. Friend brought her home but the next day she went to a walk in. It was felt that she might need a procedure on her wrist.

What I only found out yesterday was that Dad rang one of my brothers to go through his desk to find this policy they have, a medical insurance that kicks in if NHS waiting list is too long. In the process of doing this he found their wills and read them.

Yesterday Brother asked if I could go round to his but I couldn’t as we are away. This afternoon sister texts me to call her back, it turns our parents have divided their estate into four. Three quarters between brother, sister and me with a quarter going to other brother’s child(ren) with us three acting as trustees.

Brother 2 is not included, we think because sister in law has two children from previous marriage and there has been drama from them.

Brother wants me and sister to meet for a chat about everything.

He says that the wills were not in a marked file and he had to go through lots of stuff in order to find the insurance.

I don’t know what to think, or what I am meant to think. Sisters annoyed with brother for even telling us.

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Four trusts would be unnecessary, one would suffice, if you deal in this area you would know. I have explained the mechanics in my previous posts, I AM the sort of professional who would advise on this.
The fact that it is “completely irresponsible” to not have a Will in place may be correct, however 58% of the adult population of the UK.
Arranging tour estate planning in the blind hope that your benefliciaries are in the 42% who DO have a Will is extremely irresponsible.

Stop talking nonsense and deflecting, it’s getting very tiresome!

Now let’s get back to your definition is severely mentally unwell?

Also telling your parents they have done the wrong thing and need to change their Will can be seen as undue influence.

And the name calling is precisely why some people don’t reveal the contents of their Will before they die..

And precisely the reason why nasty DS and DILs are moved aside for the decent people that deserve the inheritance.

Now severely mentally unwell and extreme name calling 🤔?

You continue to misread my post.

Many posters have suggested that bypassing their son (Brother 2) and leaving the inheritance directly to the grandchildren is unfair and the couple are being unkind to their son.

Perhaps, the best way this couple can help their son and his children is to give the inheritance directly to his children. I know this is what is in their will. Whether or it the best way to help their son depends on the circumstances.

@AngelicKaty, you need to calm down and read before you post.

@ChorltonCreamery perhaps a family meeting might be best? People don't like to talk about wills and estates/inheritance etc, but it really is very practical and sensible to do so. Why not approach your Ddad and Dmum along the lines of: we're all getting older, mum's accident has given us a scare, we think it would be sensible to discuss how your estate is to be divided when the inevitable happens, your wishes for division of assets etc and we want to be prepared, no questions or surprises when the time comes as it would make it easier on everyone.

Not at all. My late father changed his Will two weeks before his death in favour of his third wife, disinheriting myself and my two siblings. None of us was "hurt" by it or interpreted his decision as a lack of love for us. Importantly, we respect that it was his decision to make about his estate. There are far too many entitled people on here living in expectation of collecting an inheritance - who will, no doubt, be bitterly disappointed if they don't. I hope they don't reveal their money-grabbing hand to their parents.

What just be really sneaky and gas light your own parents, all sit there denying they know? Trying to weedle out of them what they’ve put in their wills?

It gets worse.

Parents can decide whatever they want. You might treat your children differently based on your approval of their partners, as appears to be the case here. However, that doesn’t necessarily reflect a loving way to treat your family. Each to their own, the final message I would like to leave for my children when I'm gone is one of love.

Every family is different. It's not wrong to expect to be a beneficiary. Clearly you were okay with your dad looking after his wife financially after his death. That's great.

I’d treat a child how they treated me, if they had so much disrespect that they took the opportunity to go through my personal documents because I asked for a copy of an insurance certificate, I’d be very serious about how I could trust them.

If the DB is married to a woman whose parents were multi millionaires, meaning that her children would inherit vast sums of money, I may consider that I didn’t want my GC to lose the little inheritance they have and ensure they received my money.

If they called me any of the names or insinuated that I was severely mentally unwell as a PP has said.

But none of the above is relevant to me, I’ve two sons and it’s evenly split, however it’s not my situation or my money that’s being discussed.

One of your children has been bailed out of financial issues in your lifetime
One of your children has issues with drugs, alcohol or gambling.
One of your children is on means tested benefits.
One of your children is wealthy and the other dirt poor.
One of your children has given up a career to look after you.
One of your children has helped you out financially over the years.

All the above are reasons I see regularly and mean that all your children are treated differently in your Will.

Exactly!

Can I take this opportunity to suggest that Lasting Powers of Attorney are at least as important if not more important than your Will?
After all, LPAs deal with your situation whilst you are still alive.

So the quarter goes to disinherited brothers children? That's a lot better than what I initially thought. In this case, just keep your mouth shut. His family will benefit. If he was completely inherited then I think it would be worth noting if parents require care etc.

I forgot to include inheritance tax planning as a reason to skip a generation of beneficiaries. If inheriting from your parents tips your estate into IHT, then leaving it to the grandchildren can make finan+ial sense.

So because I don't agree with you I'm aggressive and argumentative? By that logic, you are too.

And my comment to you was no more disrespectful or making huge assumptions than yours was to me: "Unless you have seen it happen you probably don't have the understanding. Thats(sic) ok. I hope you never do witness it or worse end up involved with it." I have seen it happen to other people and it has always been their sense of entitlement and expectation that led them to be disappointed and upset.
I was a volunteer adviser with Citizens Advice for over 10 years so I don't need a lecture on anything from you. The timing of the change of my late father's Will didn't concern us at all as he was entirely of sound mind, he told us of the change before he died, and it was his choice which we respect.
I have no doubt his third wife's only child will appreciate it if/when they inherit from their mother, but I and my siblings simply couldn't care less (and that child is a pitiful waste of space and could do with a leg up anyway). My siblings and I have all made our own way in life because that's a value our parents instilled in us so we've never expected or felt entitled to inherit - it's a pity more people don't have our attitude.

The list could go on. You might think of various justifications for completely excluding just one of your four children from your Will, but that doesn't make it right. There are still ways to show that you care for all the children equally in the will. Additionally, you are making many assumptions, as the original poster only mentioned her son's partner, which is the point I am addressing.

You posted "Nearly everyone would like to help their children and grandchildren.
There has been drama with the brother's wife and stepchildren. Perhaps, the best way this couple can help their son and his children is to give the inheritance directly to the grandchildren. It's difficult to say without knowing more about the situation." There's only one way to read this - you stating the bleeding obvious - and you know it but nice try. 🙄

I disagree. It is wrong to "expect" to be a beneficiary - it's vulgar and presumptuous in the extreme.

@ChorltonCreamery your name seemed familiar so I read your previous threads. Especially the one in September last year. Also the one about your brother's wedding and also another one about your step nephew and step niece's behaviour.
I 100% understand why your parents have chosen to skip a generation when it comes to that sibling. I think a lot of people would do the same. That particular SIL seems like an unreasonable and manipulative person, so don't rock the boat and tell him or her. You will be manipulated into giving up your share or else you won't be allowed to see your niece. It's not your will and it's not your place to say.

The list does go on, and as I see these issues day in, day out I feel I have more insight than most into the family dynamics involved..
Blindly dividing an estate by the number of children you have can cause as much angst as by dividing it in other proportions, trust me, I’ve seen it.
If you were the child who gave up your job to care for your parents and are now a little old to progress in your job and therefore have limited earning potential and a grim retirement ahead, you might be resentful that you get the same amount as your high flyer sibling who barely visited the parents and is relatively wealthy don’t you think?

So the parents are justified ………

What a bloody surprise ….. not!