Woman yelled at me in public toilets

[empee47]

Went to Tesco yesterday and visited the loo. Washed my hands and turned on the hand dryer and another lady started yelling at me that I was upsetting her daughter because of the noise. Daughter looked to be about 3 and was visibly distressed. Had they asked me not to use the dryer until they’d left the sink area and explained why, I wouldn’t have done. Apparently I can’t possibly be a mum myself as everyone knows kids are scared of the noise. Happens that I have 2 kids myself and the noise has never bothered them. It was the aggressive way she was bellowing at me in public that annoyed me and the sense of entitlement that everything had to run her way.

How is it idiotic?

I imagine you to be a very intriguing character in RL @Koalafan 😂

That's great you've got a wild imagination, thanks for sharing.

@funkeh Take your own tissues next time?

So if someone shouted at you for doing something perfectly reasonable and completely within the realms of standard societal norms you just.... wouldn't do it anymore? Is that how you live?

Never heard owt so daft in all my life, sounds like she's got issues herself, I think I'd have laughed and left the stupid nut case to it.

Eh?

Well OP, seems like you forgot to take your crystal ball to Tesco 😂. Seriously though, I would have had to have words with the crazy bitch……..yelling at you because her child doesn’t like the noise of a hand dryer?…the kid was probably equally scared of her batshit mother.
There are ways to address situations like this and the woman clearly has no idea.

@Poppyyoutwat

at nine or ten years old? I’d be absolutely fine with leaving them outside the ladies. What do you think would happen??

We all have different perceptions of risk. I just wouldn’t leave my 9/10 year old outside a loo in a busy place.

Don't think on it again OP. She's an absolute idiot for shouting at you she should have just asked nicely.

Suspect she was sensorially overloaded by the hand dryer as well as her child so she wasn't able to be as courteous as you'd expect.

Problem isn't either of you but the presence of noisy hand dryers (and no paper towels) in loos with poor acoustics.

Your preferences don't trump anyone else's.

I would have sighed, told her to do one (fuck off actually but not in front of the child 😀)and advised her to exercise good manners in front of her daughter. Definitely nut case behaviour.

My DD1 (now 16) has always hated hand dryers and still does all she can to avoid using all public toilets. (She has epilepsy and is also neurodiverse.)

But I still would never have thought of shouting at another mum for using a hand dryer. YANBU.

She was out of order the way she dealt with it. If her lid doesn't like dryers then she should have said before you used it not after. I don't like her sound myself and come from a family full of autism so fully understand they can affect some kids. Due to my own experiences if there's any children in a bathroom I will ask but that's just me. The parent already knows their kids needs the onus is on them to deal with this in plenty of time not on others to mind read.

@independentfriend

Paper towels are really bad for the environment

@Poppyyoutwat

why though??

She's ridiculous. How were you supposed to know. My 3 year old is terrified of the hand dryers but I wouldn't expect complete strangers to know this and not use the dryer. I just assure my daughter it's ok, it's just noise.

YANBU OP.

You’ve done nothing wrong.

I say this as a Mum who’s own 6 year old was petrified of hand dryers when he was a toddler. It was absolutely on me to help him manage this, usually by ducking into a separate baby change toilet so he could wash his hands then dry them with a paper towel away from the communal hand dryers. When we had to use larger toilet blocks I always reminded him that whilst he could choose not to use one, we could not control other people choosing to use them. I would not have dreamed of asking members of the public not to use them. Occasionally, somebody would hear us chatting about it and offer to wait until we’d gone, but I would absolutely not expect that.

My eldest DS is autistic and has always hated them. He used to have a crippling fear and run out the bathroom! I would never ever shout at someone for using one though, how are they to know?!? Sometimes now DS will say excuse me, I really don’t like the hand dryer and most people are absolutely fine waiting! All she had to do was ask!

She was a total pillock, I'm surprised you bothered to post this.
I'd have told her to F. off.

Does every toilette need to have a child Tsar to ensure the little darlings are not distressed?

Ridiculous, don’t think any more of it.

So you weren’t to know but the noise can affect autistic children who are sensitive.

It's very upsetting to be randomly yelled at by a stranger when you're innocently going about your business. It can be quite a shock to the system, because it's so unexpected and unreasonable, and it can reverberate for days.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

It wasn't you, it was her for being "off", "unhinged", or whatever it was she was being. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair (not that there is any "fair").
Hope you're feeling a bit soothed by now. Take some time to be kind to yourself.